Matt in the Middle: I Cannot Escape the Blog Paparazzi (Blogarazzi)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I Cannot Escape the Blog Paparazzi (Blogarazzi)

Hey, I found the Dead Sea Blog notes (lost notebook).

Attack of the Killer Garage Doors

The garage door has been making a lot of noise lately when it goes up and down. We have a "whisper" garage door opener and it has been more of a "screamer" garage door opener of late. It has also been rattling on the tracks when it goes up and down (TWSS) so I took a look at it. You remember that I am Matt "The Toolman" Helser right? So, I saw that the end cables that hold the door up and pull it up and down on the tracks had begun to unwind on each side. One side became detached so I wound it back on the spool the way it was supposed to be and reattached it to the door. Then I went to the other side, detached that one, and wound it the way it was supposed to be. My fingers burned so badly form the cold that I had to go in and thaw out. I went back out and hit the button but the garage would not close. I detached it and it slammed to the ground (ooops); I was like Indiana Jones right before that huge boulder chased him out of the cave. I could have been crushed. So, today I had a guy come out and the main spring was broke (not by me) and both cables were worn pretty bad over the past seven years. So he replaced the springs and both cables and now it whispers again. My plasma money for this month will cover that check...yes Virginia, there is a Plasma God!

The best thing about donating plasma is that it gives me two hours a week, undisurbed, to read. You will never guess what I was reading today. That's right it was M.H. again (Men's Health magazine that is). I read a great article about obesity in America but when I get into it the blog will go long again so I will do it tomorrow because I have a lot to blog about. I have been having a hard time lately so this will help me get back on track I think.


Hey Wang, what's with the pictures? It's a plasma center!

Today while I was lying there having the blood pumped from my body, reading M.H. and listening to Roz, a tour group paraded past me. I know I kid a lot here (I tell you when I'm kidding or it is painfully obvious) but there was really a tour group touring the plasma facility while I was there. There were 10 or 12 MIDDLE-aged Asians parading past me with their cameras taking photos. Holy stereo-types Batman. I have no idea what they were taking pictures of but none of their cameras were aimed at me. OMG the diversity training episode of The Office is on right now and Dwight is "ASIAN" in the "guess what nationality you are" game. Unreal! Anyway, it made me chuckle to myself and think of a line from one of the most quoted movies in America cinematic history.

We got 12 pieces of mail today and it was ALL junk mail. One of the pieces was actually 17 pieces as it was 16 sales flyers crammed inside another sales flyer. The one from Kohl's gave me the worst paper cut I have ever had. Do you think I have legal recourse? On the first day of Christmas mail rush my postman gave to me a paper cut from some Kohl's crap...

Do you believe that the Illinois Senate actually approved civil unions for gay couples? That's fantastic! I am actually proud to me a MIDDLE Illinoisan right now. All it has to do now is get signed by Governor Pat Quinn (who I voted for). Quinn has been a supporter all along so that should be no problem. Supposedly this is the equivalent of gay marriage. The biggest benefit I think of is that partners will now be able to visit ailing partners in the hospitals that allow only family members. I think of the scenes in the movie Philadelphia when Antonio Banderas' character (Miguel Alvarez) was caring for his dying partner Andrew Beckett (Tom Hanks). If you haven't seen Philadelphia it's a must see!!! Illinois is one step closer to considering all men (and women) REALLY created equal. I'm proud to be an Illinoisan where at least I know I'm free!

See why I didn't blog about that M.H. article? I was able to blog on too long without it. I will blog you again tomorrow. I will also add a review of a terrible movie I saw today on Netflix while I was blogging, folding clothes and making dinner (tacos/guacamole). In the meantime I added a funny Christmas short to MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEWS today. Check it out...you'll like it I think. Blog you later ice skater (burrrrrr). TTTT

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Matt In The Middle Blogssary

47% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 47 % estrogen
53% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 53% testosterone
Agitator (the) - Matt's podcast name (revealed in blog and podcast number 2
B. S. - blog stuff
Big Sexy - Jay Cole's drink of choice (Jack and Coke) - doesn't necessarily have to be Jack
Blogcast - our podcast (Dirty Laundry)
Bloggestion - now in Urban Dictionary meaning something suggested on a blog or taking a few minutes to understand (like suggested or digested)
Blogging Suit - like a NASCAR driver's racing suit with all of the sponsors patches
Blogssary - blog glossary
Blogisodes - episodes of this blog
BWAK - blogged with a kiss
Ca-Ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ka-ching
Cha Cha - revealed to be Sugar Momma's new name on premier podcast
Cheese & Quackers - our resident ducks. she is cheese and he is quackers
Ciaoloha - MITM's new mega-word "discovered" on Columbus Day 2011. It combines "hello," "goodbye," "love," "podcast" and "blog" into one happy little package!
Copyright - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
Dirty Laundry - our podcast/blogcast launched 4/1/11
Discomboobulated - a word Bret Michaels used on Celebrity Apprentice when he meant discombobulated though discomboobulated is an actual word
Fabio - the name my son preferred being called on the blog (the artist formerly known as Sparky)
Judii - the sister I never had but wish I did (my unofficial sister)
Ka-ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ca-ching
Kajunkles - used for people who don't know how to run correctly. Body parts moving against one another rather than together for the common goal of running (could be a noun, proper noun or a verb). Trying to accomplish something against seemingly impossible odds.
The Lost Sock - Cha Cha's brother (and my brother-in-law). One of the best people I have known in my life.
MADYM - One of my very good friends - Mary. She was given this name based on an acronym of her name by one of my other very good friends Stacee. Together they came up with the MITM theme song idea. She was also our maid of honor or matron of honor (I don't know the difference).
Middle - anything average or center (Middle of the country, Middle of life, average intelligence, a regular joe (or joan)...)
MITM - Matt In The Middle
Ms. Peabody - Maisy (our dog) because of Mr. Peabody
Nature Girl - Another very good friend- Sue. Given this name because of being a combination of Diane Fossey, Caroline Ingalls and Danielle Boone (lady Daniel)
Patent / Patent Pending - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
PFT - Plasma Fun Time - donating plasma - twice a week.
Roz - my pink/fuchsia i-pod nano. Named for Roz Kelly who played Pinky Tuscadero on tv's Happy Days. She goes with me everywhere to play my life's soundtrack and measure my steps with her pedometer.
Sparky - my son's blog pseudonym (see also Fabio)
Splenda - my daughter's blog pseudonym
Sponsorship Patch - when I mention a known product to try to get sponsorships and want to put a patch on my blogging suit
Stacee - a friend from high school that is a great inspiration to me continuously. The Cosmos keep bringing us back together electronically (MySpace, Facebook, Blog...) even though we haven't "seen" each other for nearly thirty years.
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheels theme song of MITM. Idea suggested by MADY and Stacee
Sugar Momma - my wife, Jill
Trademark - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
TTTT - Ta Ta 'Til Tomorrow
TWSS - that's what she said
WTF - why the face?

Potato Soup

Ingredients Needed:
1 - 32 oz. box Vegetarian Vegetable Broth (I used Swanson's)
can substitute with chicken broth if you wish
1 - package of Country Gravy Mix (I used McCormick's)
okay to use sausage gravy mix if you wish
1 - 26 oz. package of frozen hash browns

Cook hash browns in a large pot. Cook potatoes until slightly browned stirring often so as not to burn the hash browns. While the hash browns are cooking prepare the country gravy mix as directed on package. Once the potatoes are done to your liking slowly pour the broth into the pot with the potatoes and reduce heat and simmer until hot. After the potatoes and broth are hot add the gravy mix and continue to simmer until thickened. Serve and eat.

** special note...I like it extra spicy so I add an extra package of county gravy mix to the finished mixture and whisk and heat.

Just like I always say - add whatever you want (peas, onions...) and make it your own. And, as always, ENJOY!

Sangria Wine Recipe (reposted from 4/22/10)

I also made Sangria yesterday to honor Earth's goodness (truthfully so I could get lit). I am not a wine drinker because most wines are too dry in my opinion and I am not a big fan of cotton-mouth. I liked the movie "Sideways" though so I want to like wine. I was watching Planet Green a couple of days ago while I was cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry like a real man and Emeril Lagasse was making paella on "Emeril Green". He also threw in, as an after-thought, Sangria so I hit the record button. Well he did it very fast and didn't say measurements or anything but he gave the basics so I came up with my own recipe and I think it turned out well though I made A LOT! Sugar Momma says I am a man of excess - isn't that what "man" means? Anyway, here's my Sangria recipe but I suggest you might want to cut the volume down unless you are having a small country over for dinner:

ingredients (I would suggest cutting the liquids in half)

3 liters of inexpensive Shiraz (Frontera Mendoza 2009)
1 cup of Grand Marnier
1 cup of brandy
1 cup of lime juice
3 limes
3 lemons
2 granny smith apples
2 large oranges
12 oz. sugar
33.8 oz sparkling water (Pellegrino)
64 oz. orange juice
ice

In a HUGE bowl slice the fruit and cover with sugar, mix. Add Shiraz and stir. Add ice to hold the fruit under while it drowns in the wine. Add Grand Marnier and brandy and stir. Add lime juice, orange juice and sparkling water and stir. Let sit for awhile so the tastes blend. Taste and add ingredients to taste (I added a little more lime juice and sugar). Find the biggest vessel you own for storage (mine is a pot like they used in those headhunter movies to cook people which is now sitting on our stove). Sweet and fruity just like me. Share with your friends/neighbors and your boss at review time.

Caprese Paninis

Ingredients you will need:

good loaf of bread (I used Italian bread)
mozzarella cheese
pesto sauce (I used jarred Classico brand - found by pastas)
fresh basil leaves
extra virgin olive oil
tomatoes

And here we go:
slice the bread and brush extra virgin olive oil on both sides of each slice. Clean and separate basil leaves. Slice tomatoes. Grate Cheese. Lightly grill one side of each slice of bread. Flip the bread when lightly toasted. After flipping the bread spread pesto on the toasted side and top with shredded cheese while the other side toasts. Once the second side is toasted and the cheese is starting to melt remove it from the

grill and top with two slices of tomato side-by-side and put a basil leaf on each tomato slice. Remove another slice of the toast with the pesto and cheese mixture from the grill and place it cheese/pesto side down on top of the tomato and basil'd toast to form a sandwich. (They could just as easily be done in a frying pan or on a George Foreman Grill...)

Done! Very simple and delicious!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I Cannot Escape the Blog Paparazzi (Blogarazzi)

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