Blog as the Day is Long

Snozzberries...it's a household name!

cue today's christmas song

I'm not quite as crabby this morning as I was yesterday which is neither good nor bad. I guess it's good but the blog will be bad. Gonna try to keep this a little shorter (T not WSS) if I can but I have very little self-control when it comes to blogging; I am very blog-indulgent. I am going to think about baseball and dirt.

Last night when I got home about 12:30-ish from picking Splenda up from the friends that she rode home with in Arlington Heights I was hungry. I went to the refrigerator and saw that Sugar Momma had opened a jar of jam (or jelly - not sure the difference though I think one is smooth and one has fruit in it...this one was the fruity one). This was some of the stuff that Nature Woman made and gave to us earlier this fall. You know, I liked the name Nature Woman when I gave it to her but it's not that good of a name. Here I go getting off track like that Denzel Washington movie Unstoppable. Maybe the proper amount of sleep is important; I will never know. Anyway, going back like three sentences ago, I popped a couple of pieces of bread in the toaster and put this jam/jelly on the toast. Holy crap...that's the best jamn delly (I know) I have ever had. It's some kind of purple berry - boysenberry, raspberry, dingleberry, snozzberry...whatever it is it's amazing and it won't last the weekend.

Is that Daniel Boone, Davy Crockett or Fess Parker?

So now, getting to the tangent I was speeding toward about Nature Girl... she needs a better blog name. I am going to have a Name Nature Girl Contest. Help me come up with a suitable blog name for someone who is pretty much the female Daniel Boone/Davy Crockett mixed with Caroline Ingalls. She is a great mother who is very involved in all of her kids' scouts, bands, schools (all the kid stuff) and she makes homemade everything... Danielle Boone? She is also an archeologist and talks to apes (at least me that I know of for sure)...Dianne Fossey? Make some suggestions and I will post a poll (TWSS) and let you decide. I must have been in a good mood when I came up with Nature Woman because it kinda sucks. We need to get her a really good name so she likes me so much that I get dingleberry jelly for life and I can have MITM Summer Jam (OMG... LOL - does the humor ever start?)!

Is that my plate on that burgundy 4-Runner?

The hit and run accident case that I was supposedly involved in has one less in the cast of characters - me. I have been cleared by the good people at Allstate and State Farm insurances (a "state" conspiracy). I finally spoke to someone at Allstate after some help from State Farm (I should have Farmer's Insurance in the MIDDLE of the cornfield right? Though it is State FARM - pull it back in side-track boy). The woman at Allstate asked me "what color is your 4-Runner?" I told her that it's silver though Toyota calls it titanium (I like titanium better). "Ok then we know it wasn't you." Of course being the curious pain of a boy that I am, I prodded and found out that the vehicle that was involved in the hit and run while I was hundreds of miles South was Burgundy. I kept prodding and was told that the "victim" must have written the plate number down wrong. I then asked how could they have written the plate number down of a Burgundy 4-Runner wrong and it JUST HAPPENED TO BE the plates of my 4-Runner? She gave me some bologna about maybe all of the same types of vehicles have similar plates...BS; now I am going to be obsessed with proving her wrong by writing down every 4-Runner plate I see for the next couple of weeks.  Just a coincidence that my 4-Runner plates are very close to the plates of another 4-Runner that led back to me? Still seems very fishy to me. I guess I should just be happy I was exonerated and got something to blog about.

Now to the other bullet I dodged yesterday (there's no way I can keep a blog short is there?). My bi-weekly slice of Government Cheese that I received yesterday was a few slices thin of a full brick. So I called the cheese factory (government office) and waited most of the day for a call-back. When they called back I was told that the pool I was drawing from was depleted so I got $693 instead of the usual $924. The one in two weeks will move to the next pool that I will draw from and I should have 53 more weeks of full bricks of cheese coming to me. I do love cheese but I want to cut my own cheese again soon. I am happy that I paid into the Mar's Cheese Castle fund (that's an Illinois/Wisconsin cheese stop in Kenosha for all of you non-Illinois/Wisconsin Middlers) for all of those years so I am cheese-worthy.

Can you actually see Saturn from Mars?

I think I have a cavity though I brush my teeth all the time. Maybe brushing them in the shower isn't as effective even though it's longer (too easy)? I thought I was getting a cavity back awhile ago and I called Dekalb Dental, where we have gone for years, and they said come on in. I went in and they took X-rays (ching) and found nothing and talked me into a cleaning (ching-ching). Now it hurts again in the same spot...double-dippin' rat-bastards. We have good dental insurance (it's just like my friend Michelle says - "...Insurance companies are the biggest money making scammers...") and they smelled moolah. I am going somewhere else this time because, though I know nobody really cares about any of us, they could have disguised it a little better. I will probably either go to Dekamore Dental which you may remember from a previous blog or Prairie View Dental because they gave out dental floss at Corn Fest next to the free corn - very smart idea and very good marketing because I remembered them).

I have so many more important things (yeah right) to blog about but that will have to be tomorrow. Tonight we have two things to do...play matchmakers in Wasco (look for a TITANIUM 4-Runner at a restaurant if you're stalking) and/or go to a surprise party. We committed to the match-making first while I was smashed at Cabana Charlie's so we are going to have to go there and I will have to send my surprise regrets. Is "I was smashed" a loophole? Also, tomorrow night we are going to a Christmas party at one of my friend's houses from my part-time job. Ever since I started this blog we do a lot more. I don't know if people like me more now because they see I am not the jerk/moron that they thought I was or I just go places more now so I have way too much to blog about and write really, really long blogs. I think I probably like going out more now that I am thinner.  ENOUGH ALREADY BIG MOUTH (how about get some sleep so you shut-up?) Have a nice Saturday and I will blog you tomorrow about how great a match-making team we are (who is "we"? - gotta come back tomorrow or stalk us in Wasco to find out - will save you a seat). TTTT...MITM (quiet)! It's a cold Saturday...what else do you have to do besides read my long blog anyway? I made it long on purpose (TWHS).