Matt in the Middle: Break on Through to the Other Side!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Break on Through to the Other Side!

I just ran my daughter to Rochelle.

You want to talk about the middle of the cornfield; try driving from DeKalb through Creston and into Rochelle - SA LUTE! When I was driving by the truck stop in Rochelle I never put this together before. It's the Rochelle Petro. On The Dick Van Dyke Show the Petries lived in New Rochelle; they were the New Rochelle Petries. Did you ever hear what Mary Tyler Moore called Dick Van Dyke? Penis Von Lesbian...it's really funny to hear MTM say it.

Thursday is Farmer's Market day. I know I talk about it every week. That's because I am an obsessive compulsive freak who just happens to love farmer's markets. My goal this week is to make dinner entirely from ingredients bought at the farmer's market. Sugar Momma came home Wednesday night and said she had been craving those Caprese sandwiches I made on the grill

(recipe is still over there ----> I think). I bet I can get all of the ingredients I need at the market. I know there are a couple of bakers (including my favorite Sunny Day Bakery), I know there is a guy who sells fresh cheese (mozzarella), tomatoes should be easy, basil may bet a problem but I bet I can get that easy enough there and olive oil I already have. That's it for the sandwiches. Then I can get some berries of some type (they always have plenty of kinds of berries) and maybe some shortcakes or something or I could mix them with the Sunny Day Bakery granola that I get every week. I guess I will just print out this blog for my shopping list.

I haven't gotten over to see Dinner With Schmucks though maybe I can just write about our Caprese dinner. I will get there ad review it for you. I did, however, while I was out and about applying for jobs and grocery shopping today stop at Blockbuster Video (ca-ching) and rent a couple of new releases. I got Kick-Ass and Hot-Tub Time Machine (which I promised Stacee awhile back that I would review that). I watched Kick-Ass right away and I will review it sometime Thursday but I need to watch Hot-Tub Time machine and get that reviewed too. Have I ever mentioned that fact that I love movies?

I remembered my dreams from last night again. Benadryl makes me sleep deep enough that I actually dream. I told you I would tell you my last three dreams (the only three I have had in about ten years). I only wrote down a little of Tuesday night's dream, mainly because I write them when I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm in a Jim Morrison Benadryl coma or something. So,

Tuesday night I was back-packing via motorcycle through a mountain range in Germany and I pulled over at a roadside lodge to have some spaghetti which I ate on my bike. The dream I had before that one was (and this is word for word as I wrote it in the MIDDLE of the night, "I was at some huge school building the size of the Smithsonian and there were all of the NFL teams practicing inside. After their practices there was a state final football game and our fantasy football draft was held there too. I was looking for Peyton Manning and Drew Brees to come over to our draft to help me draft but I couldn't find the room. My friend Mike called and asked if I could pick him up some food on the way to the draft and I was just wandering around." The third dream was the one I mentioned a couple of weeks ago and I said I was going to use it in my screenplay (which I am) but it means nothing as a dream but here it is, word for word; "there is some kind of weird plane that flies overhead. 'it's nothing' someone says. 'It might be something,' I say, 'Everything might be something.' I hear rain or a shower or ceiling fan or applause." So, we know I dream about food and nonsense. I know some of you will tell me what these mean but I figure if I keep taking Benadryl my movie should write itself in about a month or so. You know you're in your MIDDLE years when you don't dream about girls any more...you dream about food and motorcycles and football players.

I worked out again tonight but I think I got a better aerobic workout hanging the clothes outside today. I would reach up to hang something on the clothesline and then I'd have to swat a mosquito on my left leg, I'd reach up to put another clothes pin on the line and have to swat a mosquito on my back then I'd have to shake my hump, my hump, my lovely Matty bump, check it out. What should have taken about ten minutes took about a half an hour and burned 200 calories and now I have more Braille body language so I should be easier to read.

Okay...blog got away from me again. I haven't even taken any sleep-aid tonight. I guess I'm just generally blogative. Have a super Thursday. I have been told that Thursday is the most depressing day of the week. I think it's Wednesday. Prove me right and have a great day. Blog you later mashed potater!

** hee haw photo saluted from morethings.com, psychedelic graphic peyote induced from dragoncourt.net & mosquito workout cartoon rights not obtained from cartoonstock.com **

2 comments:

AnonymousAugust 4, 2010 at 11:29 PM
yam ya tomorrow!
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Matt HelserAugust 5, 2010 at 9:14 AM
I'm always open to a good drive-by yamming.
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Matt In The Middle Blogssary

47% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 47 % estrogen
53% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 53% testosterone
Agitator (the) - Matt's podcast name (revealed in blog and podcast number 2
B. S. - blog stuff
Big Sexy - Jay Cole's drink of choice (Jack and Coke) - doesn't necessarily have to be Jack
Blogcast - our podcast (Dirty Laundry)
Bloggestion - now in Urban Dictionary meaning something suggested on a blog or taking a few minutes to understand (like suggested or digested)
Blogging Suit - like a NASCAR driver's racing suit with all of the sponsors patches
Blogssary - blog glossary
Blogisodes - episodes of this blog
BWAK - blogged with a kiss
Ca-Ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ka-ching
Cha Cha - revealed to be Sugar Momma's new name on premier podcast
Cheese & Quackers - our resident ducks. she is cheese and he is quackers
Ciaoloha - MITM's new mega-word "discovered" on Columbus Day 2011. It combines "hello," "goodbye," "love," "podcast" and "blog" into one happy little package!
Copyright - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
Dirty Laundry - our podcast/blogcast launched 4/1/11
Discomboobulated - a word Bret Michaels used on Celebrity Apprentice when he meant discombobulated though discomboobulated is an actual word
Fabio - the name my son preferred being called on the blog (the artist formerly known as Sparky)
Judii - the sister I never had but wish I did (my unofficial sister)
Ka-ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ca-ching
Kajunkles - used for people who don't know how to run correctly. Body parts moving against one another rather than together for the common goal of running (could be a noun, proper noun or a verb). Trying to accomplish something against seemingly impossible odds.
The Lost Sock - Cha Cha's brother (and my brother-in-law). One of the best people I have known in my life.
MADYM - One of my very good friends - Mary. She was given this name based on an acronym of her name by one of my other very good friends Stacee. Together they came up with the MITM theme song idea. She was also our maid of honor or matron of honor (I don't know the difference).
Middle - anything average or center (Middle of the country, Middle of life, average intelligence, a regular joe (or joan)...)
MITM - Matt In The Middle
Ms. Peabody - Maisy (our dog) because of Mr. Peabody
Nature Girl - Another very good friend- Sue. Given this name because of being a combination of Diane Fossey, Caroline Ingalls and Danielle Boone (lady Daniel)
Patent / Patent Pending - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
PFT - Plasma Fun Time - donating plasma - twice a week.
Roz - my pink/fuchsia i-pod nano. Named for Roz Kelly who played Pinky Tuscadero on tv's Happy Days. She goes with me everywhere to play my life's soundtrack and measure my steps with her pedometer.
Sparky - my son's blog pseudonym (see also Fabio)
Splenda - my daughter's blog pseudonym
Sponsorship Patch - when I mention a known product to try to get sponsorships and want to put a patch on my blogging suit
Stacee - a friend from high school that is a great inspiration to me continuously. The Cosmos keep bringing us back together electronically (MySpace, Facebook, Blog...) even though we haven't "seen" each other for nearly thirty years.
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheels theme song of MITM. Idea suggested by MADY and Stacee
Sugar Momma - my wife, Jill
Trademark - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
TTTT - Ta Ta 'Til Tomorrow
TWSS - that's what she said
WTF - why the face?

Potato Soup

Ingredients Needed:
1 - 32 oz. box Vegetarian Vegetable Broth (I used Swanson's)
can substitute with chicken broth if you wish
1 - package of Country Gravy Mix (I used McCormick's)
okay to use sausage gravy mix if you wish
1 - 26 oz. package of frozen hash browns

Cook hash browns in a large pot. Cook potatoes until slightly browned stirring often so as not to burn the hash browns. While the hash browns are cooking prepare the country gravy mix as directed on package. Once the potatoes are done to your liking slowly pour the broth into the pot with the potatoes and reduce heat and simmer until hot. After the potatoes and broth are hot add the gravy mix and continue to simmer until thickened. Serve and eat.

** special note...I like it extra spicy so I add an extra package of county gravy mix to the finished mixture and whisk and heat.

Just like I always say - add whatever you want (peas, onions...) and make it your own. And, as always, ENJOY!

Sangria Wine Recipe (reposted from 4/22/10)

I also made Sangria yesterday to honor Earth's goodness (truthfully so I could get lit). I am not a wine drinker because most wines are too dry in my opinion and I am not a big fan of cotton-mouth. I liked the movie "Sideways" though so I want to like wine. I was watching Planet Green a couple of days ago while I was cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry like a real man and Emeril Lagasse was making paella on "Emeril Green". He also threw in, as an after-thought, Sangria so I hit the record button. Well he did it very fast and didn't say measurements or anything but he gave the basics so I came up with my own recipe and I think it turned out well though I made A LOT! Sugar Momma says I am a man of excess - isn't that what "man" means? Anyway, here's my Sangria recipe but I suggest you might want to cut the volume down unless you are having a small country over for dinner:

ingredients (I would suggest cutting the liquids in half)

3 liters of inexpensive Shiraz (Frontera Mendoza 2009)
1 cup of Grand Marnier
1 cup of brandy
1 cup of lime juice
3 limes
3 lemons
2 granny smith apples
2 large oranges
12 oz. sugar
33.8 oz sparkling water (Pellegrino)
64 oz. orange juice
ice

In a HUGE bowl slice the fruit and cover with sugar, mix. Add Shiraz and stir. Add ice to hold the fruit under while it drowns in the wine. Add Grand Marnier and brandy and stir. Add lime juice, orange juice and sparkling water and stir. Let sit for awhile so the tastes blend. Taste and add ingredients to taste (I added a little more lime juice and sugar). Find the biggest vessel you own for storage (mine is a pot like they used in those headhunter movies to cook people which is now sitting on our stove). Sweet and fruity just like me. Share with your friends/neighbors and your boss at review time.

Caprese Paninis

Ingredients you will need:

good loaf of bread (I used Italian bread)
mozzarella cheese
pesto sauce (I used jarred Classico brand - found by pastas)
fresh basil leaves
extra virgin olive oil
tomatoes

And here we go:
slice the bread and brush extra virgin olive oil on both sides of each slice. Clean and separate basil leaves. Slice tomatoes. Grate Cheese. Lightly grill one side of each slice of bread. Flip the bread when lightly toasted. After flipping the bread spread pesto on the toasted side and top with shredded cheese while the other side toasts. Once the second side is toasted and the cheese is starting to melt remove it from the

grill and top with two slices of tomato side-by-side and put a basil leaf on each tomato slice. Remove another slice of the toast with the pesto and cheese mixture from the grill and place it cheese/pesto side down on top of the tomato and basil'd toast to form a sandwich. (They could just as easily be done in a frying pan or on a George Foreman Grill...)

Done! Very simple and delicious!