Matt in the Middle: I'm Too Sexy for this Blog!

Monday, February 14, 2011

I'm Too Sexy for this Blog!

Happy Valentine's Day! cue the music

Prematurely hatched and scrambled if you ask me!

Last night The Grammy Awards were/was on. I am so happy that Justin Bieber didn't win Best New Artist. I don't know why, I just am. Lady Antebellum won a bunch of awards and Miranda Lambert won Best Female Artist. Lady Antebellum was at DeKalb's Cornfest two years ago and Miranda Lambert worked along side me in the MIDDLE a couple of months ago. I am not much of a country music fan but I can shape their careers. Let this be a warning to all of you recording artists...you wanna win next year you make a good presence in the MIDDLEwest. And, in case you didn't know...Lady Gaga is weird...talented but weird.

I Brain You Very Much!

Why is the heart associated with love? There are other parts of our anatomy that I think should be given credit for love. The brain is the first one that comes to mind (no pun intended). When did the heart start getting the credit for feelings? I think the epidermis should get more credit for love than the heart. "The heart wants what the heart wants" is an old saying. The heart wants what the brain wants the heart to want and the brain wants the heart to pump blood through the veins and keep its big trap shut when it come to affairs of the brain (which got to be known as affairs of the heart). I guess if the heart doesn't get its way it pulls the chest pain or heart attack card. Speaking of cards how come Hearts is one of the suits? This is out of hand. I suppose candy brains wouldn't be as appealing as candy hearts though the candy hearts don't even look like real hearts. The heart must have a really good press agent and P.R. firm working for her. I bet Bill Shakespeare had something to do with this! Though it is supposedly linked to a South African plant called the silphium. The silphium was thought to possess a form of birth control. The plant's seed pods resembled hearts so the connection with the heart and reproduction (love) may have started there? The plant is now extinct but the legend "loves" on!

The heart gets what the brain wants it to get!

Three years ago today I came home from work and noticed there were dozens of helicopters circling above my MIDDLE cornfield town. It was one of the days that made DeKalb seem like the Old MIDDLEwest to me; though there have been others. Five Northern Illinois University students were shot to death and several more were wounded that day. A former student opened fire in a lecture hall and then turned his gun on himself. It was a very surreal day that I will never forget that day in this little MIDDLEwestern town. Forward, Together, Forward!

Did you hear that they think energy drinks are bad for us? Another "Duh" moment in America. It seems appropriate that I heard about this today. So, a caffeine and sugar-filled molotav cocktail shooter is bad for you (your heart)? I don't believe it. I think this is one of the weapons that the brain uses against the heart. "Hey mouth, throat and stomach...help me gang up on the heart so we can have order back in our body!"

Paperback Grotto! is our adult store here

As long as I am on the topic of "love" I heard that like 100 people recently got sick after attending a party at The Playboy Mansion. They were internet executives from around the world attending a fundraiser at Hef's pad. Some of the guests were diagnosed as having Legionnaires Disease which is supposedly caused by bacteria in air conditioning systems. The L.A. Health Department is also checking out a local hotel where most of them were staying. I am no genius (no agreement is needed from you thank you very much) but I would start by checking the water in The Grotto. I think it's funny that internet executives got a "virus." They should have had virus protection.

Alright, I have blogged on without blogging half of what I intended to blog again. Have a nice Valentine's night. If you don't have a Valentine I will gladly volunteer; I am a whore of the heart (good podcast title?). I am finally getting some legitimate ideas for a blogcast; I will tell you tomorrow. I had lunch with my Valentine of 29 years today (Sugar Momma, of course) and now I have to do a review of The Cocoa Bean too when I do the Johnny's Char-house Yelp review. TTTT...MITM (too sexy for this blog). cue the music

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Matt In The Middle Blogssary

47% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 47 % estrogen
53% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 53% testosterone
Agitator (the) - Matt's podcast name (revealed in blog and podcast number 2
B. S. - blog stuff
Big Sexy - Jay Cole's drink of choice (Jack and Coke) - doesn't necessarily have to be Jack
Blogcast - our podcast (Dirty Laundry)
Bloggestion - now in Urban Dictionary meaning something suggested on a blog or taking a few minutes to understand (like suggested or digested)
Blogging Suit - like a NASCAR driver's racing suit with all of the sponsors patches
Blogssary - blog glossary
Blogisodes - episodes of this blog
BWAK - blogged with a kiss
Ca-Ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ka-ching
Cha Cha - revealed to be Sugar Momma's new name on premier podcast
Cheese & Quackers - our resident ducks. she is cheese and he is quackers
Ciaoloha - MITM's new mega-word "discovered" on Columbus Day 2011. It combines "hello," "goodbye," "love," "podcast" and "blog" into one happy little package!
Copyright - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
Dirty Laundry - our podcast/blogcast launched 4/1/11
Discomboobulated - a word Bret Michaels used on Celebrity Apprentice when he meant discombobulated though discomboobulated is an actual word
Fabio - the name my son preferred being called on the blog (the artist formerly known as Sparky)
Judii - the sister I never had but wish I did (my unofficial sister)
Ka-ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ca-ching
Kajunkles - used for people who don't know how to run correctly. Body parts moving against one another rather than together for the common goal of running (could be a noun, proper noun or a verb). Trying to accomplish something against seemingly impossible odds.
The Lost Sock - Cha Cha's brother (and my brother-in-law). One of the best people I have known in my life.
MADYM - One of my very good friends - Mary. She was given this name based on an acronym of her name by one of my other very good friends Stacee. Together they came up with the MITM theme song idea. She was also our maid of honor or matron of honor (I don't know the difference).
Middle - anything average or center (Middle of the country, Middle of life, average intelligence, a regular joe (or joan)...)
MITM - Matt In The Middle
Ms. Peabody - Maisy (our dog) because of Mr. Peabody
Nature Girl - Another very good friend- Sue. Given this name because of being a combination of Diane Fossey, Caroline Ingalls and Danielle Boone (lady Daniel)
Patent / Patent Pending - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
PFT - Plasma Fun Time - donating plasma - twice a week.
Roz - my pink/fuchsia i-pod nano. Named for Roz Kelly who played Pinky Tuscadero on tv's Happy Days. She goes with me everywhere to play my life's soundtrack and measure my steps with her pedometer.
Sparky - my son's blog pseudonym (see also Fabio)
Splenda - my daughter's blog pseudonym
Sponsorship Patch - when I mention a known product to try to get sponsorships and want to put a patch on my blogging suit
Stacee - a friend from high school that is a great inspiration to me continuously. The Cosmos keep bringing us back together electronically (MySpace, Facebook, Blog...) even though we haven't "seen" each other for nearly thirty years.
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheels theme song of MITM. Idea suggested by MADY and Stacee
Sugar Momma - my wife, Jill
Trademark - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
TTTT - Ta Ta 'Til Tomorrow
TWSS - that's what she said
WTF - why the face?

Potato Soup

Ingredients Needed:
1 - 32 oz. box Vegetarian Vegetable Broth (I used Swanson's)
can substitute with chicken broth if you wish
1 - package of Country Gravy Mix (I used McCormick's)
okay to use sausage gravy mix if you wish
1 - 26 oz. package of frozen hash browns

Cook hash browns in a large pot. Cook potatoes until slightly browned stirring often so as not to burn the hash browns. While the hash browns are cooking prepare the country gravy mix as directed on package. Once the potatoes are done to your liking slowly pour the broth into the pot with the potatoes and reduce heat and simmer until hot. After the potatoes and broth are hot add the gravy mix and continue to simmer until thickened. Serve and eat.

** special note...I like it extra spicy so I add an extra package of county gravy mix to the finished mixture and whisk and heat.

Just like I always say - add whatever you want (peas, onions...) and make it your own. And, as always, ENJOY!

Sangria Wine Recipe (reposted from 4/22/10)

I also made Sangria yesterday to honor Earth's goodness (truthfully so I could get lit). I am not a wine drinker because most wines are too dry in my opinion and I am not a big fan of cotton-mouth. I liked the movie "Sideways" though so I want to like wine. I was watching Planet Green a couple of days ago while I was cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry like a real man and Emeril Lagasse was making paella on "Emeril Green". He also threw in, as an after-thought, Sangria so I hit the record button. Well he did it very fast and didn't say measurements or anything but he gave the basics so I came up with my own recipe and I think it turned out well though I made A LOT! Sugar Momma says I am a man of excess - isn't that what "man" means? Anyway, here's my Sangria recipe but I suggest you might want to cut the volume down unless you are having a small country over for dinner:

ingredients (I would suggest cutting the liquids in half)

3 liters of inexpensive Shiraz (Frontera Mendoza 2009)
1 cup of Grand Marnier
1 cup of brandy
1 cup of lime juice
3 limes
3 lemons
2 granny smith apples
2 large oranges
12 oz. sugar
33.8 oz sparkling water (Pellegrino)
64 oz. orange juice
ice

In a HUGE bowl slice the fruit and cover with sugar, mix. Add Shiraz and stir. Add ice to hold the fruit under while it drowns in the wine. Add Grand Marnier and brandy and stir. Add lime juice, orange juice and sparkling water and stir. Let sit for awhile so the tastes blend. Taste and add ingredients to taste (I added a little more lime juice and sugar). Find the biggest vessel you own for storage (mine is a pot like they used in those headhunter movies to cook people which is now sitting on our stove). Sweet and fruity just like me. Share with your friends/neighbors and your boss at review time.

Caprese Paninis

Ingredients you will need:

good loaf of bread (I used Italian bread)
mozzarella cheese
pesto sauce (I used jarred Classico brand - found by pastas)
fresh basil leaves
extra virgin olive oil
tomatoes

And here we go:
slice the bread and brush extra virgin olive oil on both sides of each slice. Clean and separate basil leaves. Slice tomatoes. Grate Cheese. Lightly grill one side of each slice of bread. Flip the bread when lightly toasted. After flipping the bread spread pesto on the toasted side and top with shredded cheese while the other side toasts. Once the second side is toasted and the cheese is starting to melt remove it from the

grill and top with two slices of tomato side-by-side and put a basil leaf on each tomato slice. Remove another slice of the toast with the pesto and cheese mixture from the grill and place it cheese/pesto side down on top of the tomato and basil'd toast to form a sandwich. (They could just as easily be done in a frying pan or on a George Foreman Grill...)

Done! Very simple and delicious!

Monday, February 14, 2011

I'm Too Sexy for this Blog!

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