Matt in the Middle: Life Would be a Blog Sweetheart!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Life Would be a Blog Sweetheart!

cue the music

Today's secret word is "sleep." Say the secret word and divide a mention in a future Matt In The Middle blog between you...And now, here he is, the one the ONLY ... BLAGGO ...

Today's secret word is "sleep"

I didn't know why I used the opening for Your Bet You Life to start this blog until I typed it and remembered that the re-runs were on in the MIDDLE of the night and I was awake watching them. I don't think I even slept well when I was younger; well, that's not true I could always sleep on a gym floor or on a bus. That's the whole purpose of today's blog - sleep therapy. Being Black Friday you will probably be tired and if you're reading this blog why aren't you sleeping? Seriously, I thought maybe writing about my sleeping problems would trigger something in my b.b. (you'll shoot your eye out) brain or that maybe you would have some suggestions. So I guess this blog is a little self-analysis and you are my assistant therapists.

It would probably become my tomb

Four of my problems that cause me not to stay asleep are my eyes and my ears. My eyes seem to be very sensitive to light even when closed and my ears are very sensitive to sound even when I'm asleep. I love it completely dark and completely silent. I have always wanted to try one of those sensory-deprivation tanks where you are immersed in water like in the movie (I can't remember the name of the movie so let me consult IMDB through Middle Movie Reviews - shameless / shameful plug) Altered States (1980). I am like a living motion/light detector. I have a face mask that I wear sometimes to drown out the light (it says "out of order" on it but that's a lie) and I have tried to sleep with my I-pod plugging my ears but then I would not be able hear the alarm in the morning. I have two of those sound-effect machines and I have down-loaded the ocean sounds for Roz but nothing works. Even sleep-aids like Benadryl help me get to sleep but don't lengthen my visit to slumberland. Additionally, I know that it's my job as the dad to protect my family and I need all of my senses to ward off any looming danger or cries in the night. I am a bundle of neurosis.

Sugar Momma says I look like Darth Vader

I used to snore thunderously and Sugar Momma said I would wake up in the MIDDLE of the night gasping for air. I underwent a sleep-study maybe six or seven years ago and they found that I stopped breathing like 400 times an hour or some ridiculous number (I cannot remember the exact amount of times I died an hour). So, I got a C-Pap Machine that forced air through my nose all night so I wouldn't stop breathing. It was somewhat uncomfortable to sleep with (not that unlike me - TWSS) so I stopped using it. After I lost all my weight (nearly 100 pounds) I was thinking that was a big part of the problem but it seems maybe it is a separate issue (at least I feel better while I'm supposed to be awake now). I don't know that it actually helped me sleep either but maybe I will try it again tonight - no, I WILL TRY IT AGAIN TONIGHT.

I have heard that sleeplessness comes from: stress (my stress source has changed but I seem to need stress to survive), guilty conscience from past lives (who knows?), health issue (maybe allergies?), too sedentary (I am always busy and work-out like a fiend), diet (I eat fairly healthy now)...

I guess this is where I put the photo of Lucy Van Pelt that I have used so many time before to beg for your psychiatric counsel. I would gladly pay you Cyber Monday for some psychiatric help today. Even if you can't help me maybe this blog will help put you asleep. I should be the poster-boy for the saying "I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead." With my luck I will be forced to haunt somebody for all of eternity and still won't be able to rest...it my be you (wouldn't it be weird if I died right after posting this blog?)! Help me Obi Wan Kanobi...you're my only hope.

Have a good Black Friday night. I hope you got everything you were Black Fridaying for and I hope you sleep well tonight while I don't because I will be haunting you. TTTT...MITM!..........boo!

2 comments:

Ventura Beach ResortNovember 27, 2010 at 9:16 AM
Ah yes insomnia, what a joy. Tis my 2 week year old baby girl that is adding to it now. My wife actually gave me the "pass" to sleep on the couch last night to get some rest. I've thought about getting a sleep study but I guess I'm scared to find out all the trouble I'll have to go through.
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Matt HelserNovember 28, 2010 at 7:17 AM
Newborn baby's are definitely not a recipe for sleep. Congrats on the baby girl :) That was a great time. Is she your first?

The sleep study I had was interesting but they hooked me up to all of these wires...and then kept coming in all night and waking me up. How can they study my sleep when they kept waking me up?

Th C-pap machine has actually helped me again the last few nights. It has a humidifier built in so the moisture keeps me from getting stuffed up but as soon as I take it off on the morning my my nose stuffs up - I am sure I have allergies now!
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Matt In The Middle Blogssary

47% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 47 % estrogen
53% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 53% testosterone
Agitator (the) - Matt's podcast name (revealed in blog and podcast number 2
B. S. - blog stuff
Big Sexy - Jay Cole's drink of choice (Jack and Coke) - doesn't necessarily have to be Jack
Blogcast - our podcast (Dirty Laundry)
Bloggestion - now in Urban Dictionary meaning something suggested on a blog or taking a few minutes to understand (like suggested or digested)
Blogging Suit - like a NASCAR driver's racing suit with all of the sponsors patches
Blogssary - blog glossary
Blogisodes - episodes of this blog
BWAK - blogged with a kiss
Ca-Ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ka-ching
Cha Cha - revealed to be Sugar Momma's new name on premier podcast
Cheese & Quackers - our resident ducks. she is cheese and he is quackers
Ciaoloha - MITM's new mega-word "discovered" on Columbus Day 2011. It combines "hello," "goodbye," "love," "podcast" and "blog" into one happy little package!
Copyright - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
Dirty Laundry - our podcast/blogcast launched 4/1/11
Discomboobulated - a word Bret Michaels used on Celebrity Apprentice when he meant discombobulated though discomboobulated is an actual word
Fabio - the name my son preferred being called on the blog (the artist formerly known as Sparky)
Judii - the sister I never had but wish I did (my unofficial sister)
Ka-ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ca-ching
Kajunkles - used for people who don't know how to run correctly. Body parts moving against one another rather than together for the common goal of running (could be a noun, proper noun or a verb). Trying to accomplish something against seemingly impossible odds.
The Lost Sock - Cha Cha's brother (and my brother-in-law). One of the best people I have known in my life.
MADYM - One of my very good friends - Mary. She was given this name based on an acronym of her name by one of my other very good friends Stacee. Together they came up with the MITM theme song idea. She was also our maid of honor or matron of honor (I don't know the difference).
Middle - anything average or center (Middle of the country, Middle of life, average intelligence, a regular joe (or joan)...)
MITM - Matt In The Middle
Ms. Peabody - Maisy (our dog) because of Mr. Peabody
Nature Girl - Another very good friend- Sue. Given this name because of being a combination of Diane Fossey, Caroline Ingalls and Danielle Boone (lady Daniel)
Patent / Patent Pending - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
PFT - Plasma Fun Time - donating plasma - twice a week.
Roz - my pink/fuchsia i-pod nano. Named for Roz Kelly who played Pinky Tuscadero on tv's Happy Days. She goes with me everywhere to play my life's soundtrack and measure my steps with her pedometer.
Sparky - my son's blog pseudonym (see also Fabio)
Splenda - my daughter's blog pseudonym
Sponsorship Patch - when I mention a known product to try to get sponsorships and want to put a patch on my blogging suit
Stacee - a friend from high school that is a great inspiration to me continuously. The Cosmos keep bringing us back together electronically (MySpace, Facebook, Blog...) even though we haven't "seen" each other for nearly thirty years.
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheels theme song of MITM. Idea suggested by MADY and Stacee
Sugar Momma - my wife, Jill
Trademark - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
TTTT - Ta Ta 'Til Tomorrow
TWSS - that's what she said
WTF - why the face?

Potato Soup

Ingredients Needed:
1 - 32 oz. box Vegetarian Vegetable Broth (I used Swanson's)
can substitute with chicken broth if you wish
1 - package of Country Gravy Mix (I used McCormick's)
okay to use sausage gravy mix if you wish
1 - 26 oz. package of frozen hash browns

Cook hash browns in a large pot. Cook potatoes until slightly browned stirring often so as not to burn the hash browns. While the hash browns are cooking prepare the country gravy mix as directed on package. Once the potatoes are done to your liking slowly pour the broth into the pot with the potatoes and reduce heat and simmer until hot. After the potatoes and broth are hot add the gravy mix and continue to simmer until thickened. Serve and eat.

** special note...I like it extra spicy so I add an extra package of county gravy mix to the finished mixture and whisk and heat.

Just like I always say - add whatever you want (peas, onions...) and make it your own. And, as always, ENJOY!

Sangria Wine Recipe (reposted from 4/22/10)

I also made Sangria yesterday to honor Earth's goodness (truthfully so I could get lit). I am not a wine drinker because most wines are too dry in my opinion and I am not a big fan of cotton-mouth. I liked the movie "Sideways" though so I want to like wine. I was watching Planet Green a couple of days ago while I was cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry like a real man and Emeril Lagasse was making paella on "Emeril Green". He also threw in, as an after-thought, Sangria so I hit the record button. Well he did it very fast and didn't say measurements or anything but he gave the basics so I came up with my own recipe and I think it turned out well though I made A LOT! Sugar Momma says I am a man of excess - isn't that what "man" means? Anyway, here's my Sangria recipe but I suggest you might want to cut the volume down unless you are having a small country over for dinner:

ingredients (I would suggest cutting the liquids in half)

3 liters of inexpensive Shiraz (Frontera Mendoza 2009)
1 cup of Grand Marnier
1 cup of brandy
1 cup of lime juice
3 limes
3 lemons
2 granny smith apples
2 large oranges
12 oz. sugar
33.8 oz sparkling water (Pellegrino)
64 oz. orange juice
ice

In a HUGE bowl slice the fruit and cover with sugar, mix. Add Shiraz and stir. Add ice to hold the fruit under while it drowns in the wine. Add Grand Marnier and brandy and stir. Add lime juice, orange juice and sparkling water and stir. Let sit for awhile so the tastes blend. Taste and add ingredients to taste (I added a little more lime juice and sugar). Find the biggest vessel you own for storage (mine is a pot like they used in those headhunter movies to cook people which is now sitting on our stove). Sweet and fruity just like me. Share with your friends/neighbors and your boss at review time.

Caprese Paninis

Ingredients you will need:

good loaf of bread (I used Italian bread)
mozzarella cheese
pesto sauce (I used jarred Classico brand - found by pastas)
fresh basil leaves
extra virgin olive oil
tomatoes

And here we go:
slice the bread and brush extra virgin olive oil on both sides of each slice. Clean and separate basil leaves. Slice tomatoes. Grate Cheese. Lightly grill one side of each slice of bread. Flip the bread when lightly toasted. After flipping the bread spread pesto on the toasted side and top with shredded cheese while the other side toasts. Once the second side is toasted and the cheese is starting to melt remove it from the

grill and top with two slices of tomato side-by-side and put a basil leaf on each tomato slice. Remove another slice of the toast with the pesto and cheese mixture from the grill and place it cheese/pesto side down on top of the tomato and basil'd toast to form a sandwich. (They could just as easily be done in a frying pan or on a George Foreman Grill...)

Done! Very simple and delicious!