Bloghouse Rock - Black Friday

Open the doors and let the trampling begin...

The sales fliers are hung by the dashboard with care in hopes that Black Friday will soon be here. The day we have all been waiting for all year, Black Friday, is upon us.

The term Black Friday was first used on September 24, 1869 by a Philadelphia newspaper to describe the day of a stock market catastrophe when gold speculators tried and failed to corner the market and caused the market to collapse and stock prices to plummet; now Black Friday tries to do that to our personal finances once a year.

In the late 19th / early 20th centuries the phrase Black Friday turned toward retail sales. Retailers like Macy’s and Gimbel’s sponsored Santa Parades and Thanksgiving Day Parades to promote their products for the upcoming shopping bonanza. It became an unwritten rule amongst thieves (I mean retail giants) that they would not advertise their wares until after the parade had ended so the day after Thanksgiving then became the busiest shopping day of the year. The phrase Black Friday was then applied to this day because it was historically the day that the retailers would begin to show a profit for the year. They would switch from the red ink in their pens (no profit) to black ink (profit) thus being called Black Friday. It seems Black Friday has become an American tradition of greed and excess since 1869.

Today millions of hunters make their pre-dawn safari treks to the Seregetdi of their choice to bag the big game so they can hang the head of this year’s Mario and Luigi or Cabbage Patch Kids or Teddy Ruxpin above their mantles. According to Mall Cops Season I on Netflix over 185,000 people will invade The Mall of America tomorrow (I just made that the movie of the week on MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEWS in honor of this special day).

One year I was swept up by the thrill of the hunt. The year was 2002? I was in Macomb, Illinois. It was hours before dawn and I positioned myself amidst hundreds of other hunters in the crisp night air outside the entrance of Wal-Mart National Hunting Ground. I eyed my competition and gazed into the fighting arena of the Coliseum planning my course of action in my mind. I needed one thing and one thing only to call my safari a success; I was determined to bag the elusive Razor Scooter. I had heard many tales of the mythical creature but I was determined to capture the beast. Bwana opened the gates and I fought my way through the brush in search of the Mighty Kong. My determination paid off as I foraged to the clearing and eyed my prey. I was one of the first hunters to arrive and I was able to grab TWO of the prizes - THEY DO EXIST!!! I exclaimed proudly to myself. As I made my may to the game warden (cash register) I passed all of the disappointed hunters who knew they were too late to bag the big one. As I proudly walked to the exit I wondered to myself “why did you take two of these things Scrooge McDuck?” I passed a woman who looked very dejected and asked her if she was looking for a scooter as to which she sadly said “yes.” I handed her one of the prizes that I had slain, smiled and said “Merry Christmas.” I felt better although her son or daughter probably ended up breaking their leg on the darned thing but at least they were happy Christmas morning. That was my one and only Black Friday expedition and I lived to blog the tale (seriously). Last year a New York Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death and 2 shoppers were shot in a dispute at a Toys R Us in California. It is so easy to get caught up in the fervor so I suggest you “JUST SAY NO!” to Black Friday hunting because they cannot all turn out to be Goodwill Hunting as mine did (LOL - I kill me).

Wednesday night as I am writing this (Thanksgiving Eve or Black Friday Eve Eve as I like to call it) we were ding-dong ditched. Is this a new Black Friday Eve Eve tradition? Dark forces are at work on this the unholy time of year - Black Friday!

Today we will load up on the amino acid known as tryptophan and all the carbs and sugar we can stomach in preparation for tomorrow's big day. We need the carbs to battle for the deals we cannot live without and the turkey provides the tryptophan so we can be rested up to release the carb and sugar rages provided by all of the pies and breads and potatoes... After we fill ourselves with our battle foods we lie on the couch to watch shopping training films supplied historically by the Detroit Lions and the Dallas Cowboys. Then we turn in early so we can be in line at Kohl’s by 2:00 AM so we are there when the doors open at 3 and then off to Wal-Mart and Target at 4:00AM. I just saw a commercial that Toys R Us is starting their sales Thanksgiving Night and staying open right on through Black Friday. Is nothing sacred? Just for that let’s boycott Toys R Us on Cyber Monday; that’s a whole ‘nother story.

I heard a report that this weekend is expected to bring $40,000,000 in retail sales. Sugar Momma remembers that last year the sales got better and better the closer it got to Christmas as the retailers didn’t do the business they expected on Black Friday. Here’s to hoping that happens again so the maniacs who go out to try to bag this year’s scooter feel like idiots for a month. The same way that I have for about eight years though I never repeated that fateful trip that started from this tropic port upon this tiny ship. I learned a valuable lesson that year; rather than experience Black Friday again I'd rather "shoot my eye out, kid!"

OMG - Black Friday has it's own Facebook Page - don't "Like" it...don't "Like" it!

Enjoy your Thanksgiving and give thanks that I will not be amongst the masses. I suggest you too sleep in and enjoy your long weekend. If you must go out please be careful and remember to take photos and video.