Halloween is always my time of the month!

I am having a hard time getting the Dirty Laundry Podcast up so I probably won't get it up until tomorrow. I hope you can wait that long.

I just went to Walgreen's to get Cha Cha's medicine. On the way back I saw two scooters riding side-by-side coming toward me in the other lane. Something seemed very odd about the riders and it wasn't until they were close to me that I realized that they were two Gumby's riding scooters side-by-side. You don't see that every day. I laughed out loud.

For some reason I don't like Halloween as much this year as I have in years past. I suppose it's partially that the kids are both older now and that was a lot of the fun of it but it is probably something else too. I am not sure what the "something else" is but I don't seem to be in the spirit of  it this year. Maybe it's because I am still getting over this cold; I guess I will wait until next year and see if the spirit returns. Maybe I am just an old fart now and no longer in The Middle. I don't think that is it but do we know when we cross the line to old age?

I am watching Stephen King's IT. I have seen it a couple of times and I like most of it. I read the book a couple of years ago, before the movie was made, and I liked it okay. I like most of it except for the ending. The ending stinks. That is one of Stephen King's problems in my opinion - his endings. He is great at building suspense and character development but his endings leave me disappointed most of the time. I am reading his newest novel (11/22/63) and hope the ending is better than his novels usually are. It partially takes place in Derry, Maine where a lot of his stories take place, including IT.

I don't know how long you've been reading my blog but for the first year or so I noticed that I would get crabby at the end of each month. I called it my Mattstruation. I have not noticed it much for the last couple of months but I notice it again this month. I wonder if it's worse in the fall and the winter? I have always believed men have cycles like women but we don't have the obvious sing that women have once a month. Men are far more moody than women no MATTer what most of them will tell you. I am not afraid to adMATT it.

The doorbell hasn't rung in quite awhile but maybe that's because we don't have the porch light on. Fabio was in charge of distributing the candy and he and some buddies are out now begging for themselves and it is dark now and we don't have a light on so no trickers for our treats. That's cool because I don't feel like answering the door. The little kids have already come and gone and that's what it's really about anyway.

I am just about ready for bed; it's been a long day. I am really happy that I have the night off. I had lunch with my buddy Greg today; I always enjoy spending time with him. His only weakness is that he is Cubs' fan. I can overlook that because he's not one of the annoying ones.

It's only a little after 7PM and it feels like 11PM to me. I am really tired and I am sure it's still this lingering cold. I think I am going to succumb and lie down. I will probably fall asleep but who cares? I have no reason to stay awake. Have a great rest of your night and a good tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out)

Hypothetical Karma is Gonna Get You?

It just dawned on me....what if Super Storm Sandy (the artist formerly known as Hurricane Sandy)  is what the Mayans saw? What if this is the beginning of the end? Could this be the beginning of the deterioration that ends on December 22nd? More importantly, is it "the Mayans" or "the Maya?" It sounds like they were pretty spot-on on the destructive power of these three weather systems colliding. I feel bad for these people out east. I have always wanted to live on the ocean but at times like this I am happy I am Matt In The Middle and not Matt On The Left or Matt On The Right.

OK, here's a hypothetical situation that I want you to tell me your thoughts on. Let's say, hypothetically, that your son (let's call him Gobio) wants an XBox 360 game that's hypothetically called Assassin's Ceed III that just came out today. You decide to go to Wal-Mart and get the game while he is in school with his money per his request. As long as you're there you decide to buy some groceries. During the course of your shopping you go to the electronics department and get the game. The person asks "do you have more shopping to do" to which you reply in the affirmative. He puts the game in a hard case that, you imagine, would set off alarms at the front of the store if you tried to exit with the game still in this case. You go to the checkout and pay for your stuff and leave. When you get home you look at the receipt to see how much Gobio owes you and discover that the game is not listed and you paid, let's say $24.68, for all of your groceries and the $60 game. The game was not listed on the receipt, hypothetically. The game is there no longer in this tough case but you were not charged for the game. Was this good karma for you? Was this bad karma for Wal-Mart? Will there be karma taken from your account later? Is karma bologna? Is this stealing? Should you check what you're signing before you sign because next time you could be charged too much rather than too little? Just wondering your thoughts on this purely hypothetical tale. Hypothetically.

I just searched for something to add here and I found a story about how Sir Paul McCartney said that Yoko Ono is not to blame for the breakup of The Beatles. Is it karma that I write about karma and there is a story about a dude who wrote a song called Instant Karma. Is that instant karma? Sir Paul said John was already drifting away before Yoko came on the scene. Good karma on ya Paul!

This is my Friday night now and after I go to sleep and wake up this afternoon/evening it will be my Saturday morning. Cha Cha and I are going to record the Dirty Laundry Podcast tonight and if you listened to last week's show you heard me struggle through it pretty sick. This week, if she's able, you'll hear Cha Cha struggle though it the same way, Poor Cha Cha.

I have to get to sleep. Hey, did you hear that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, one of Mitt Romney's biggest supporters, is praising President Obama for acting quickly in helping his state with the recent Super Storm? I think the Republican Party is not going to be very happy with Christie. Okay, now I really have to get some sleep. Thanks a lot for being here. I hope you have a great day. If you're out east and need a place to stay for awhile drop me a line. I hypothetically have some karma to pay back. TTTT (listen to the podcast in the meantime)...MITM (out) TA!

Are Hurricanes Democrats?

How long do you think it will be before some network is showing The Perfect Storm? I hope people weather the storm on the east coast but I cannot help but wonder if we'll own beach-front property by the weekend the way the news talks. The news really gets off on this sort of thing. News really is only about what is going bad. I think it\'s pretty mean naming a storm Hurricane Sandy when it's gonna destroy beach communities. I wonder if I need to get the boat back out of storage?  I just searched and AMC is showing The Perfect Storm on Monday at noon; I thought I was kidding, It is a good movie if you haven't seen it. Who knew there was such a thing as a snowicane?

I think Cha Cha and I may do early voting today or tomorrow. I could have early voted for this election four years ago. Never mind, since I wrote that last sentence we voted. I GUARANTEE that the candidate I voted for POTUS will win my state! Guaran-damn-tee it!!!!! I got a sticker....jealous?

I have a lot more on my mind but most of it I want to talk about on Dirty Laundry Podcast tomorrow and there has to be different things to talk about on each right? Cha Cha and I will record it tomorrow night and then I am going to record another one without her on Sunday with filmmaker John Borowski. Cha Cha will be out of town with her breasties besties, Nobody has stepped-up and asked to be my co-host for the week so the job is still open. Don't be nervous, anybody sounds great next to me. 

Did you hear about the privately built unmanned spacecraft called the Dragon built by SpaceX that will be returning to Earth from outer-space? The first commercial spaceship is bringing urine and blood to Earth from the International Space Station. I never really thought about what astronauts did with the human waste. I suppose I thought they had a pill to stop pooping and peeing or they just let it float out onto space. They are using the bodily fluids to study nutrition and bone-loss and stuff. If space could bring us aluminum foil and the microwave maybe it can help us live longer so the world can continue to get over-populated and them we can move to space.  

I just read a report that people named Sandy (the real name of Frankenstorm) who donated to Presidential candidates in this year's election were more likely to vote for Obama than Romney. 73% of people named Sandy who donated more that $200 this cycle donated to Obama. Further, looking ate recent hurricanes, the statistics hold true. People named Irene were three times more likely to donate to Obama, Katrina (80%), Frances (70%), Andrew (54%) and Rita (69%), Could the National Hurricane Center be in cahoots? It would make sense that God were Democrat I suppose. But she could also be Republican. 

I need to get going because I am making a turkey dinner for the carnivores in the hizzy; they cannot even wait another month for turkey. Have a great night (my Friday - woohoo). I appreciate you stopping in. Make sure to like Matt In The Middle and Dirty Laundry Podcast on The Facebook. I am not gonna lie, my fragile ego needs constant stroking (I am a man, that's what we're all about). TTTT...MITM (civic duty done). Out!

post script - I have no idea why the type face changed and I cannot change it back - damn you technology!!!!

Frankenblog!

Fabio just can downstairs looking like a marionette puppeteer with his black socks and his black shorts and his black long-sleeved turtleneck shirt. He said that "nobody wears turtlenecks anymore" so he and his friends decided to get turtlenecks and try to bring them back on "Turtleneck Tuesdays." I think that is awesome. Don't worry I have my antennae up for anything cultish...

Supposedly there is something brewing on the east coast that they are calling "Frankenstorm." Everything needs a P.R. name these days. Hurricane Sandy may combine with a tropical storm and a winter storm to potentially be a one-of-a-kind storm in history. They are saying that it could be the worst storm in the history of mankind. Worse than locusts? We feel we have to sensationalize everything these days. I won't be surprised if the Frankenstorm gets corporate sponsorship before all is said and done. I know it's great that we can be prepared for this sort of thing but everything has to be a media extravaganza. Within the next week or so we will see some morons standing outside in 100 mile per hour winds with rain pouring down so hard that we cannot hear what they are saying but they will be out there showing us something. Mainly showing how stupid they are to stand out there in what they call the worst storm since Noah built a boat. Maybe the should call the storm Hurricane Lon (Chaney, Jr.) or Hurricane Boris (Karloff).

I feel much better but I am still a bit stuffed-up. I slept for about four hours when I got home from work and will try to get four or five more before I head back for more Halloween weekend fun.

Last night I made a nice chicken parmesan and some rotini for my housemates and they decided they would rather order pizza. I don't even eat chicken and worked for over an hour to make a nice dinner and there the plated dinners still sit on the counter. I had some of the pasta and it was delicious. In the words of every mother in the history of time one time or another, "why do I even bother?" I wish I had an address of someone needy in the world I could mail these to. Tonight let it peanut butter for all I care. Then, to top it off (pizza pun intended), they ordered pizza rather than cooking one of the dozens of frozen pizzas we have in the freezer. When did I become my parents? Weird Cha Cha just got home and she went right into the kitchen and warmed up some of the chicken parmesan for her lunch. Tell me that there is no blogging karma.

I am getting really stuffed up again.

I have always thought that Hershey's should call their chocolate syrup Hershey Squirts. You may as well go with it. Maybe it doesn't seem very appetizing but times have changed.

I need to call this a wrap. I have to try to sleep and try be able to breath through my nose. I hope your weekend goes well. I will probably blog Monday so until then, keep your feet on the ground even if Frankenstorm arrives before the. TTTM...MITM (xoxo)

Interested in a Blog Franchise?

There are a few things I would rather be doing than bogging but since I cannot seem to do them I will blog. The things that come to mind are: sleeping, breathing through my nose, not suffering from a sore throat... I took a couple of NyQuil tablets at about 7:00AM and then went to bed and slept all the way until 11:00AM (four whole hours). I will be right back, my teapot is whistling at me. Sorry, it took so long; I emptied the dishwasher and filled it back up while I was getting a simple cup of tea. No wonder everything is so expensive at Starbuck's. I am also in the process of making some kind of chicken parmesan or chicken mozzarella for dinner. Last night at work two people called in sick. I felt that I may be responsible for getting them sick because I was working while I was sick. I also felt that since they called in sick the rest of us had to work harder to cover their duties. I am not the only one who has been working sick. I am torn on these issues. Do I work sick or do I take the chance of getting others sick? Everybody has their opinion and I think I have a responsibility to my employer, the people I serve and the job itself to be at work. I see other people's points of view but this is mine right or wrong. The argument "use them of lose them" doesn't work here either because our sick days carry over. I plan on taking all of my sick days at one time right after I am dead so my family can pay for the trip to sprinkle me in the ocean. If you wish to hear me sick listen to this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast.

I am so happy that it is almost election day. Not that I love to vote though I do love that "I Voted" sticker I get but, I am just tired of all the rhetoric about this candidate and this issue and blah and blah. I am even happier that I do not live in a battle ground state. I heard on the radio this morning all of the attack advertisements about how which candidate is terrible and what they do wrong that they are playing in these states... It must be much more effective to say how crappy your opponent is rather than saying how good you are and what you stand for. One thing that all of the political parties seem to agree upon is that attack ads are the way to go. If I weren't so lazy I would move to Canada. But if I weren't so lazy I probably wouldn't be an American anyway.

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This blog must be boring because it is making me tried just to write it. I doubt that only four hours of sleep and having a cold has nothing to do with that.

Have you seen any of those Peyton Manning Papa John's commercials? The same day that Papa John's renewed their contract to be "the official pizza of the NFL and the Super Bowl" the Denver Broncos' quarterback bought 21 Papa John's franchises in the Denver area. This coming Sunday, while he is playing in a game against the New Orleans Saints, he will star in a new commercial for Papa John's telling us how we can become franchisees too. Step one, become one of the best NFL quarterbacks in history so you have lots and lots of money. Step two, make some Papa John's commercials so you get a better deal. Step three, buy 21 franchises. It's not so hard. How about a chicken parmesan franchise? We have tea! Maybe I should franchise the blog or the podcast though I guess you could just start your own and cut me out. Let me know if you do; I will read and/or listen.

I have more to say but I have to get some sleep. I think I need to finish up dinner first so when the rest of the gang gets here they can just warm it up in shifts while I am sawing logs (hopefully). I need my sleep because I think we're probably going to be busy on the weekend before Halloween in a college town. I wish I had a Papa John's franchise this weekend. Can you just franchise places for certain days? That I may consider. Thank you for stopping in. I hope you have a great weekend unless this is your Tuesday too then I hope you have a great 2/5ths of your week. TTT (maybe T)...MITM  (to sleep eventually) TA!

Read the Blog Like it's Going Outta Style

I must admit as a yute I turned Japanese a few times but now that I am getting older and I am sick I am turning British; I really think so. I have been drinking tea "like it's going out of style." I started doing it with honey and lemon but the lemon was burning the razor blades that had become my throat. Why do you need honey AND lemon anyway? Don't they counter-act one another taste-wise? I imagine that someone decided that the vitamin C was a good idea. I like lemon in my tea but not with honey - it's one or another for me and I went with the honey because of the razors. It's kind of ironic that "going out of style" actually went out of style. It doesn't really make sense. If it were going out of style why would we continue to do it? It works for me since I have never really been in style.

The new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up and if you want to hear my sick throat it has gone down in posterity. I am feeling a bit better but it is hanging on. We always beat these things one way or another. A couple of days I was ready to beat it by dying but now I have decided to stay above the ground for the time being.

Do you think Donald Trump knows he is a joke to the world? He has to know, right? Now he is offering President Obama $5,000,000 to his favorite charity if he will release his college and passport records. Trump had teased that he was going to drop a bombshell that was going to turn the tide of the election and this is what he comes up with? I don't know but I bet if I looked there is a new season of The Apprentice or Celebrity Apprentice on the whoreizon (trademark/patent pending/copyright).That's probably my favorite word that I have ever made up. I've had some good ones but that's my fave so far. Opportunist = Trump. I really hate this guy. I don't think this is going to "up-end President Obama's bid for reelection" as Trump promised.
Halloween is coming up this next week and I could not care less. I have always been a big fan of Halloween but for some reason I don't care this year. Maybe it's because the kids are both too old for trick-or-treating or maybe I am just sick and tired. We may even be one of those houses that have the bowl on the porch with the note that says "please take just one!" knowing full well that some idiot will take a bunch. Maybe that's when you get crappy candy so they don't take too many? Maybe we'll put pennies in a bowl with the sign.

I cannot concentrate anymore so I think I will wrap this up. Thanks for reading what might be a dying man's last words. I just say that because as soon a we are born we are dying; I have never had a problem with that for some reason. I don't have a death-wish I just accept that all rides must come to an end. It's funny how I talk about death a lot when I feel like I am on her door. Have a great day; maybe we'll have another nice one like yesterday. TTTT (if fate dictates)....MITM (gone) TA!

# Gossip

How do YOU pronounce it?

When did the "pound sign" (#) become the "hashtag?" I am old-school and I will continue to call it the pound sign. This is how we lose our innocence people; it all starts with seemingly insignificant changes that kill our history. I will also accept "number sign" but will not accept "hashtag." Now I go to check and see the history of the # and in Commonwealth England it is called the hash. I guess the "hash"or "hashtag" is actually the original name and we changed it here and now, it seems we are making amends and changing it back? It seems like it has something to do with the different currencies between us and our motherland. They have the pound and we have hash.

I am sick as heck. We recorded Dirty Laundry Podcast last night and you'll hear what I am talking about later today when I get the show up. I have a lot on my plate today but will get it edited and posted sometime today.

I wrote "sick as heck" there and it made me think of something that has been bugging me for a couple of weeks and have been meaning to blog about it but haven't found much time to blog in the last week. How can something be "cold as Hell?" or "smart as shit?" When did feces and Hell become the things that we measure stuff by? Even if it is the complete opposite? Hell is not cold. We also say "hot as Hell" but that one makes sense. "Smells like shit" works too. "Dumb as shit" would probably work but fecal matter isn't smart.

The World Series is going to be boring this year. Yes, I say that mainly because my favorite team (St. Louis Cardinals) got as close as they possibly could without being in the game. The Detroit Tigers and the San Francisco Giants both have boring colors. The same boring colors. Black and orange. Maybe this was planned out because those are typically Halloween colors?

I heard a couple of days ago that Jackie Chan died of a heart attack. I never heard it on the news and I never believe these claims anymore because for some reason people think it's fun to fake death reports. I have not been able to confirm or deny his death because they will not accept my calls but I believe it to be a hoax. By all indications I believe Chan is still alive. I am starting to think that maybe celebs hire P.R. firms to circulate fake death reports to generate publicity. I have never mentioned Jackie Chan on the blog before but here I am making you think of Jackie Chan. I think that I may, one of these days, promote the blog or the podcast with a fake report of my death. Many people believe things like this are bad luck but it has never worked for me winning the lottery so why would it work for faking my death? If it did that would be even cooler. Other than steering our attentions to these supposed dead people what other purpose could it serve? Maybe it's just like a computer virus. People just want to see if they can make it happen.

I think I had mentioned that our subdivision has a neighborhood watch now and we also have a Facebook page. I think I liked it better when we had neither. All I hear about now are rumors and crappy things going on in my neighborhood. People having giant inflatable Halloween decorations stolen, cars filled with people parking in the back of the neighborhood in the MIDDLE of the night, mean bus drivers, somebody not mowing their lawns properly... I am not a bury your head in the sand kinda guy but I am also not a fear-mongering kinda guy. It's ironic that I didn't hear about any of this stuff until they started the neighborhood watch. Maybe that makes it more of a challenge or adrenaline rush for hooligans (that's a good old word we don't use enough anymore). The internet has spawned a whole new world of Gladys Kravitz and Clara Edwards. I like the internet in so many ways but I think I dislike it for almost as many ways.

I need to go downstairs and make a spot of tea for my throat (with honey and lemon) and see about something for my stuffed-up head. I am happy this is my Sunday. I have all day today and tonight and all day tomorrow to try to get a little bit better before I have to go back to work. I think I pushed myself a lot more than I should have last week but, as you know, we all do what we have to do. I worked the last two days sick and will probably have passed my ailment to some of my co-workers but if I don't go to work my co-workers have to pick up my slack. It's quite a quandary, huh? In my work I am also around literally hundreds of people every shift and some of them are sick. How come doctors are never sick? Because they write prescriptions...that's why. Have a great day and thanks for stopping by. Remember if you hear or read of my death later today when the podcast goes up it is probably a hoax. Probably. TTTT (from the afterlife)...MITM (out to the great beyond). TA!