Let's Thin the Herd

I am a bit confused. That is an understatement though isn't it? It seems that the US and A wants me to live forever even though I really don't want to. I am going to get a colonoscopy Friday. Is that so I can live longer or so the medical people can get more of my insurance money? I am not sure if I could have said "no" but I feel pressured by people and culture... to have this done. Is this procedure elective? The reason that I am confused is that America also does many things that make me believe they do not want me to live forever. There is all of the horrible processed foods that they MAKE ME eat, for instance. The thing that really made me think about this was when I was watching a movie that was based in Japan and began wondering why we would have our automobiles with the driver's door on the road side of the car on America. Most other countries have the driver-side toward the sidewalk/curb. That makes so much more sense to get out on the curb rather than near cars and trucks whizzing by. We really need to thin the herd.

Did you know that throwing a banana peel out of your car window is littering? Apple core? Littering! Orange peel? Littering. It doesn't MATTer that they are biodegrade and other animals/bugs/birds may eat them. Allegedly, like driving the speed limit, this will be a law that I will continue to believe does not apply to me. Maybe I am returning them to their families in their final moments of their lives. They gave of themselves and now just want to make peace with their loved-ones. It's the circle of fruit!

Ironically, I just got a call about my lab results from last week's doctor's appointment. The blood was good but the my cholesterol is too high. I stopped eating red meat awhile back in hopes that it would help keep my cholesterol from getting too high. I did this when The Lost Sock mentioned his was high and they recommended less red meat. This was when I did not have high cholesterol but I thought I would make sure I kept my cholesterol lower if I could. So now I'm getting some Lipitor called in for me. The nurse rattled off some numbers to me. Something is 221 and they want it under 200. Something else is 46 and it should be over 40. Another thingy is 159 and that they want under 100. And, another thing is 81 and they want that under 100 (so, that one is okay). Supposedly diet and exercise will help. Okay, so diet doesn't seem to help since I have been trying that one by eating no red meat. Now I am just tempted to go have a big steak wrapped in a gyros with White Castle sprinkles. So, I am falling apart on the inside and they are sticking something up my butt on Friday. Can't I just die already for goodness sake? This is how crime-fighters get started. I am falling apart anyway so I may as well put my personal life on the line trying to save others. Now my blood pressure will probably go up because I will be worrying about my cholesterol. Whatever happened to silent killers? I just checked and everything has cholesterol - chicken, milk, some sea foods (the delicious ones), chips, ice cream, pasta, cheese, muffins, crackers, butter, margarine, burgers, steaks, eggs, milk, donuts... I guess fruits and salads with no even grilled chicken now. Please do not give me any advise about what I can/should eat. I am short, fat, full of cholesterol and proud of that. The list of things we should have is probably much shorter - fruits and vegetables.

I guess when I go to the Brewers - Cardinals game next month I may as well have a brat and a hot dog or two. When in Milwaukee live as the Wisconsins do, huh? I will be in Milwaukee this weekend too. I smell a meatfest on the horizon. And to think I was worried about banana peels and apple cores just a couple of paragraphs ago. I will probably find out that I have ass-cancer on Friday too now.

What is that two bowling balls? 

On a happier note - there is still a load of Dirty Laundry Podcast you may  not have heard. There is also another one in the can that I intend to have up by Thursday. Then, if I still am alive, we will probably record another on that night and Cha Cha can get that one done after I do myself in with sausages and cheeses next weekend. When you want to kill yourself by over-dosing on cholesterol go to the dairy and sausage capital of the U S and A (Wisconsin). I wonder if I can find some of those deep-fried butter sticks.

I have depressed myself now (actually nothing has changed with me other than what the doctor's office put in my head). I bet doctors kill more people than cholesterol ever could! Thanks a lot for being here so I could vent about my fading health. I will probably blog again tomorrow. I will try to be more cheery the next few days until I get my Butthole Glamor Shots. If you get a Christmas card in the mail from me this year you may want to think twice before opening it.

TTTT...MITM (out) TA!