MATTALITY (Mortality of Matt)

It's kind of starting to sink-in that I am somewhere near half-time in my life. The game may get called early because of weather or a power outage or it may go into overtime (albeit a short one if any) but a very low percentage of people live longer than twice my current age. I am not sure I would even want to live that long unless the second half is as interesting as Jack Crabb's or Benjamin Button's lives were. I am not being melancholy I am just writing a blog. I do not want to outlive my children - that would be awful I think. Even if they died of old age. I have mixed feelings on whether or not I would like to outlive Cha Cha. On one side I'd like her to go first so she would not have to go through the pain of seeing me die (not being pompous but I always have a need to make sure everybody else is happy - well, almost always). But, on the other side, I don't know how she could possibly go on without the tremendous joy and entertainment (due to my moronic antics) that I must provide her. It is just funny how nothing has changed other than me getting closer to a number that someone, somewhere, at some point in history, decided should mean "old" but I am starting to question everything.

A real sad thing is that I just joined AARP (Accidental Animal Recovery Patrol Association of American Retired Persons) today. I did it as sort of a goof so I can wear the photo of my AARP card as a name tag at my surprise birthday party Saturday night but it sure made me think. It is a surprise party even though I know about it because, at my age, I will forget about it within the next two days. It made me sad to think that at one point in the history of America people retired at 50-years-old. Now people are lucky if they can retire when they are 75 if at all. It has a great deal to do with selfishness from the upper 3% not giving two craps about the lowly 97%. I saw it so much at my previous job. I made more money then but I am sooooooo much more happy now. Even the people I worked for will not be able to retire early (three of the four of them are older than I am) because they think everyone thinks like they do and they cannot trust others to manage their businesses. A crook always think he is being robbed. Maybe I will get a discount on my adult diapers and orthopedic shoes now? I hear travel is cheaper - that's a really cool one. If you pay for your funeral in advance do you get the AARP discount? Then there would be more $ to take with me.

Good company to be in I suppose (in some ways)

Last night Cha Cha and I began working-out at Anytime Fitness at 22:14 (I did legs). That's one of the reasons I have begun checking-in wherever I go on The Facebook with my phone (when I remember). I like to be able to reference my times if I blog or podcast about something because at my advanced age...(sorry I fell asleep). I also think that maybe if something bad goes down in the world and the perp (that's shop-talk for perpetrator) is handsome and dashing and looks like me I will have a flimsy alibi. Flimsy is better than none at all. But, with that information they can go to the security cameras wherever I checked-in and see that I was there. I will not talk about the body-double that I have on staff (TWSS). I always have fake movie and novel scenes in my head. We thought that, by working-out so late, we would have the gym to ourselves. WRONG! I am going to go back and do arms today at about 12:30 and see if the real people are all working and I will be alone. I don't mind other people there but I like to get on the equipment I use and I am too old to wait now - time is precious all of aarp sudden. Some of the people there inspire me to work-out harder though (not sure if that was the best adjective to use there).

I am getting a little long in the paragraph today.

Tonight I am on foot at work. I basically will walk for about seven hours straight. I won't necessarily walk straight but the seven hours will be a continuous seven hours. That is why I did legs last night and will do arms today. I will sort of get another leg work-out tonight with all of the foot patrol. So, I work tonight, work tomorrow night, I took off Saturday night for something - I will have to scroll back up to remember why, I work Sunday and then I get Monday off when I begin my new schedule of having Sundays and Mondays off.

I am gonna start getting ready to head over to work-out. There may be a salad lunch in my future after that too (check my Facebook to see where I check-in if you're a hit-man looking for the bounty). Remember not to tell me about the surprise party on Saturday night at Fatty's in DeKalb starting at 18:00. Thanks a lot for stopping by. The new Dirty Laundry Podcast was recorded last night and I will have to try to figure out how to get it edited with the schedule changing and all but it should be up by Monday (as I usually shoot for).

Have a great rest of your life (starting with today and tonight). TTTT (unless I forget)...MITM (out). Hey, I just thought of a new joke that isn't funny. What does an old dog say? "AARP AARP!" TA!