Matt in the Middle: I Thought it was a Different XXX Olympics....DRATS!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

I Thought it was a Different XXX Olympics....DRATS!

OLYMPICS!!!!

I woke up and sat down to eat lunch or breakfast or whatever it's called when you eat at 1:00 PM even though it's your first meal of the day and checked the channel guide and saw the "XXX Summer Olympics" was on and got all excited. I have been watching The Olympics off-and-on but thought this was something else so I go excited. I heard that one of the stars was named Destiny Hooker and it all made sense to me. I hadn't realized these were the XXX Olympics. I have seen a lot of people who could easily do very well in the porn industry in these games but now I always have a different show going on in my head. Can you imagine the stamina these people have? I also didn't realize that these were only the 30th Olympics. I know they took a break during World War II but I thought they went back to ancient Greece. That means that The Olympics began in my lifetime and I probably went to high school with Socrates, Hippocrates and Dirtyknees. No wonder I feel so old sometimes. I just mentioned to Cha Cha that these are the XXX Olympics and she said John Stewart talked about that on The Daily Show with John Stewart on Monday so now I look like a hack. I don't watch that show regularly so I didn't see that. Maybe I could write for their re-run shows because I guess I am a couple of days behind them. She said she didn't remember including the Destiny Hooker fact so maybe John Stewart does need me!!!!

Now I am thinking about lunch and breakfast. I know the word breakfast came from being the first meal of the day and it is because we are "breaking the fast" of not eating all night. So, I guess my first meal of the day is my breakfast no matter what time it is so lunch is usually my breakfast but then it's not my lunch. I have no idea where the word "lunch" may mean though I know it comes from the German word Lunchentach which means lunch I guess. And then there's that other meal. Why is that the only one that has several names? Dinner, supper, din din... why don't the other two meals have alternative words?

I heard that Stevie Wonder is getting divorced. He and wife, Kai Millard Morris, are ending their eleven year marriage. I suppose she doesn't want to be married anymore because he wouldn't let her be called Kai Millard Wonder and they saw things in the marriage differently. He was singing "Isn't She Lovely" to her at a party and he heard people murmuring that she wasn't and that really opened his eyes. What the Hell is wrong with me? Now he'll never let us play his music on Dirty Laundry Podcast. I am not sure if she is lovely or not but I always go for the easy joke because....it's easy!!!!

Taking out the trash no questions asked

Today is President Obama's 51st birthday. He's just a little more than two years older than me and he is the leader of the free world and I cannot even get my 15-year-old son to take out the garbage some weeks. I guess you're all lucky that I am doing what I am doing and I never sought his job. I wonder if Seal Team Six would have taken the garbage out if I told them to. When I say "take the garbage out" I mean take Osama Bin Laden out. Can you imagine President Obama asking the Seal Team, "why didn't you take the garbage out?" that they would have said. "I forgot"? I will vote for Obama again because he knows how to get the garbage to the curb.

Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta (Lady Ga Ga) started her own social network called Littlemonsters.com. I think I will start calling her S-JAG (her real initials). The opening page says, "share you passion and creativity in a community full of art, acceptance, monsters and Gaga." It sounds more like a Gaga worship site and I am afraid to enter. They are trying to trick people into entering the site by saying she posted a nude photo of herself on the site. A) I don't believe there is such a photo, B) I don't care to see it if there is one and, C) if she was so great she would be in the XXX Summer Olympics. Besides, who hasn't seen S-JAG nude already? I prefer her shrouded in meat - the main reason I am pescatarian.

Okay, I have pretended to entertain and inform you enough for today. It looks like rain, which really excites me even more than XXX Summer Olympics and if it does I am gonna take a nap before work. I love sleeping when it rains and even better if thunder sings background vocals. Thank you for stopping in; you know I appreciate you. I hope you have a great night and if you check-out S-JAG's social network and want to report on it for the podcast I would very much welcome that. There's the thunder (YEAH!!!!!) TTTT (probably)...MITM (out to let the lightning strike) TA!

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Matt In The Middle Blogssary

47% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 47 % estrogen
53% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 53% testosterone
Agitator (the) - Matt's podcast name (revealed in blog and podcast number 2
B. S. - blog stuff
Big Sexy - Jay Cole's drink of choice (Jack and Coke) - doesn't necessarily have to be Jack
Blogcast - our podcast (Dirty Laundry)
Bloggestion - now in Urban Dictionary meaning something suggested on a blog or taking a few minutes to understand (like suggested or digested)
Blogging Suit - like a NASCAR driver's racing suit with all of the sponsors patches
Blogssary - blog glossary
Blogisodes - episodes of this blog
BWAK - blogged with a kiss
Ca-Ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ka-ching
Cha Cha - revealed to be Sugar Momma's new name on premier podcast
Cheese & Quackers - our resident ducks. she is cheese and he is quackers
Ciaoloha - MITM's new mega-word "discovered" on Columbus Day 2011. It combines "hello," "goodbye," "love," "podcast" and "blog" into one happy little package!
Copyright - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
Dirty Laundry - our podcast/blogcast launched 4/1/11
Discomboobulated - a word Bret Michaels used on Celebrity Apprentice when he meant discombobulated though discomboobulated is an actual word
Fabio - the name my son preferred being called on the blog (the artist formerly known as Sparky)
Judii - the sister I never had but wish I did (my unofficial sister)
Ka-ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ca-ching
Kajunkles - used for people who don't know how to run correctly. Body parts moving against one another rather than together for the common goal of running (could be a noun, proper noun or a verb). Trying to accomplish something against seemingly impossible odds.
The Lost Sock - Cha Cha's brother (and my brother-in-law). One of the best people I have known in my life.
MADYM - One of my very good friends - Mary. She was given this name based on an acronym of her name by one of my other very good friends Stacee. Together they came up with the MITM theme song idea. She was also our maid of honor or matron of honor (I don't know the difference).
Middle - anything average or center (Middle of the country, Middle of life, average intelligence, a regular joe (or joan)...)
MITM - Matt In The Middle
Ms. Peabody - Maisy (our dog) because of Mr. Peabody
Nature Girl - Another very good friend- Sue. Given this name because of being a combination of Diane Fossey, Caroline Ingalls and Danielle Boone (lady Daniel)
Patent / Patent Pending - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
PFT - Plasma Fun Time - donating plasma - twice a week.
Roz - my pink/fuchsia i-pod nano. Named for Roz Kelly who played Pinky Tuscadero on tv's Happy Days. She goes with me everywhere to play my life's soundtrack and measure my steps with her pedometer.
Sparky - my son's blog pseudonym (see also Fabio)
Splenda - my daughter's blog pseudonym
Sponsorship Patch - when I mention a known product to try to get sponsorships and want to put a patch on my blogging suit
Stacee - a friend from high school that is a great inspiration to me continuously. The Cosmos keep bringing us back together electronically (MySpace, Facebook, Blog...) even though we haven't "seen" each other for nearly thirty years.
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheels theme song of MITM. Idea suggested by MADY and Stacee
Sugar Momma - my wife, Jill
Trademark - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
TTTT - Ta Ta 'Til Tomorrow
TWSS - that's what she said
WTF - why the face?

Potato Soup

Ingredients Needed:
1 - 32 oz. box Vegetarian Vegetable Broth (I used Swanson's)
can substitute with chicken broth if you wish
1 - package of Country Gravy Mix (I used McCormick's)
okay to use sausage gravy mix if you wish
1 - 26 oz. package of frozen hash browns

Cook hash browns in a large pot. Cook potatoes until slightly browned stirring often so as not to burn the hash browns. While the hash browns are cooking prepare the country gravy mix as directed on package. Once the potatoes are done to your liking slowly pour the broth into the pot with the potatoes and reduce heat and simmer until hot. After the potatoes and broth are hot add the gravy mix and continue to simmer until thickened. Serve and eat.

** special note...I like it extra spicy so I add an extra package of county gravy mix to the finished mixture and whisk and heat.

Just like I always say - add whatever you want (peas, onions...) and make it your own. And, as always, ENJOY!

Sangria Wine Recipe (reposted from 4/22/10)

I also made Sangria yesterday to honor Earth's goodness (truthfully so I could get lit). I am not a wine drinker because most wines are too dry in my opinion and I am not a big fan of cotton-mouth. I liked the movie "Sideways" though so I want to like wine. I was watching Planet Green a couple of days ago while I was cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry like a real man and Emeril Lagasse was making paella on "Emeril Green". He also threw in, as an after-thought, Sangria so I hit the record button. Well he did it very fast and didn't say measurements or anything but he gave the basics so I came up with my own recipe and I think it turned out well though I made A LOT! Sugar Momma says I am a man of excess - isn't that what "man" means? Anyway, here's my Sangria recipe but I suggest you might want to cut the volume down unless you are having a small country over for dinner:

ingredients (I would suggest cutting the liquids in half)

3 liters of inexpensive Shiraz (Frontera Mendoza 2009)
1 cup of Grand Marnier
1 cup of brandy
1 cup of lime juice
3 limes
3 lemons
2 granny smith apples
2 large oranges
12 oz. sugar
33.8 oz sparkling water (Pellegrino)
64 oz. orange juice
ice

In a HUGE bowl slice the fruit and cover with sugar, mix. Add Shiraz and stir. Add ice to hold the fruit under while it drowns in the wine. Add Grand Marnier and brandy and stir. Add lime juice, orange juice and sparkling water and stir. Let sit for awhile so the tastes blend. Taste and add ingredients to taste (I added a little more lime juice and sugar). Find the biggest vessel you own for storage (mine is a pot like they used in those headhunter movies to cook people which is now sitting on our stove). Sweet and fruity just like me. Share with your friends/neighbors and your boss at review time.

Caprese Paninis

Ingredients you will need:

good loaf of bread (I used Italian bread)
mozzarella cheese
pesto sauce (I used jarred Classico brand - found by pastas)
fresh basil leaves
extra virgin olive oil
tomatoes

And here we go:
slice the bread and brush extra virgin olive oil on both sides of each slice. Clean and separate basil leaves. Slice tomatoes. Grate Cheese. Lightly grill one side of each slice of bread. Flip the bread when lightly toasted. After flipping the bread spread pesto on the toasted side and top with shredded cheese while the other side toasts. Once the second side is toasted and the cheese is starting to melt remove it from the

grill and top with two slices of tomato side-by-side and put a basil leaf on each tomato slice. Remove another slice of the toast with the pesto and cheese mixture from the grill and place it cheese/pesto side down on top of the tomato and basil'd toast to form a sandwich. (They could just as easily be done in a frying pan or on a George Foreman Grill...)

Done! Very simple and delicious!