So, Matt Damon is Apparently Ticked at Me!

cue today's music (because I got so much love from yesterday's blog-ending tune I thought I would share another of my favorites with you). Playing For Change rocks (literally)!

I am blogging a little earlier than usual today. I love the smell of blogging in the morning; it smells like...victory. I have a lot to do around the house, I have to work-out today even though my Mattscles are still a bit sore from the back-to-back work-outs...time to be shocked again noodle arms. Then after that I get to work a basketball game this afternoon/evening. 

Voiced by Robert Downey Jr. and PROBABLY Matt Damon?

Remember several months ago I talked about Sherman and Peabody and Robert Downey Jr. doing the voice of Mr. Peanut? I received further evidence (proof to me) that somebody in Hollywood reads this blog. Robert Downey Jr. has just signed-on to do the voice of Mr. Peabody in an upcoming Mr. Peabody and Sherman movie. I know it's probably Matt Damon stealing all of my intellectual property because of all of those Jib Jab Christmas videos I put him in. He said he wasn't sore about only getting bit parts in my videos but I sensed he was upset. Now, it seems, my suspicions were correct. McConaughey, Perry, Fox, Dillon, Lillard, LeBlanc would have all killed for the opportunity. Just wait and see...they will announce that Damon is doing Sherman's voice (this is how Perez Hilton gets his gossip). Wait until Matt (Damon) comes to the MIDDLEwest to film more of his movie Contagion with Gwyneth Paltrow, Jude Law, Demetri Martin, Laurence Fishburne, Bryan Cranston and Kate Winslet; I will have a few choice words for him. Maybe I should host a wrap party here?

Home gastric bypass as seen on Ebay

I heard this morning that someone on Ebay has a home gastric bypass surgery kit for sale. I sure hope that it comes with a free brain surgery kit because you'd have to be a moron to A) buy any home surgery kit on Ebay and B) perform major surgery on yourself unless you are in a war movie or live in a fourth-world country. I have very little respect for the medical industry on a whole as I know they all want to keep us slightly sick so we can keep coming back with our monopoly insurance dollars but I do respect them for performing my surgeries. I could see maybe hiring someone from Craigslist to come over and perform surgery on me in my garage but I am not going to have someone unqualified, like me, perform my surgery. As long as they can sell surgery kits maybe they can soon start to prescribe good ju ju medicines on Ebay...now that I that would be interested in. They almost have to offer meds so you can recover from your own surgery right?

Larry King quit and Piers Morgan got his job. Now Regis Philbin is leaving his show and I want to announce right now that I am willing to talk about replacing him. I guarantee they could get me for A LOT less than they will pay the person they actually do end up getting to replace "Reeg." Wouldn't you rather see a person like me, who would get star-struck and ask what you really want to know about celebrities?  Make it happen Perez Hilton...I will give you my first exclusive interview as the new host of Live with Kelly and "who is that dude"?.

Obama Hears a Hu!

Chinese President Hu is in Washington D.C. today. Tonight President Obama is hosting a State Dinner in his honor. Do you suppose they will have Roast Beast? I thought of the tie-in with Horton and the Hu when I saw Hu speaking on the White House lawn on television this morning and President Obama was standing next to Hu listening. I like Obama but he does have Horton-like ear qualities. I thought I would mention it and blog it before Jon Stewart does so I can pretend like he reads my blog and steals my stuff too. It would be better if Obama were a Republican though because then the whole elephant with big ears would be even better. I guess donkeys have kinda big ears too. As for the speech Hu may as well speak as quietly as a Who because it's all Chinese to me. (OMG I kill me but not with my own surgery) I imagine Hu was the primary speaker. When they were preparing the itinerary for today's speech do you think it went something like:
"Who is going to speak first?"
"Hu."
"That's what I'm asking you, Who?"
"Right."
"They have someone named Wright?"
"Who?
"I still need to get this...who speaks first? Wright?
"Hu is right!"
"THAT"S WHAT I'M TRYING TO FIND OUT...WHO?"
"Right... Hu is right"
"AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!"

That's enough hilarity for one day or you'd have to buy a surgical laughter removal kit from Ebay. Have a nice Hump Day. I am off to do my chores. TTTT...MITM (Hu?)