Just Rub Some Dirt On It

Happy Quatro De Mayo!

Why doesn't Kotex or Playtex or Tampax come up with a HUGE tampon to plug the oil spill off the Gulf Coast? Can you imagine the publicity and the sales increases if you could stop that oil? I don't mean to downplay the oil spill or the monthly visit but if they could figure out how to get rid of this Aunt Flo it would be...black gold, Texas Tea. Talk about your heavy flow days. I have never had a problem buying tampons so if they need someone to pick it up and fly it in I'm your boy!

Why do some guys have problems buying feminine products? I have never had that problem. One time I went to the store in the middle of the night in a trench coat, so I didn't have to get dressed, and bought tampons, maxi-pads and suppositories (don't believe me? ask Sugar Momma). Just those three things no big whoop. If I would have gotten to the counter and this would have been the time I was in line behind Cindy Crawford (from Middle of the cornfield Dekalb) at the checkout I may have added gum or something. The time I was in line behind Cindy Crawford I did end up with her yogurt (totally unrelated). I saved that yogurt for a long time for some reason...I actually showed it to people...what's wrong with me? (no answer required)

Why do we tan and choose our clothing so carefully and wear jewelry and make-up and then get annoyed when people check us out? (unrelated to Cindy Crawford - was in my notebook and just fit well here).

On the way home from our baseball game in Genoa last night (before I took my son to the emergency room) I noticed that gas prices had gone up about twenty cents per gallon in that two hours. It's just the beginning. Get that applicator rigged up to a helicopter and let's get that hole plugged. I kid about the price of fuel being the important issue. The real tragedy is what the oil is doing to our ecosystem and the coastal economy which will trickle everywhere. This is similar to how Bubba Gump Shrimp Company got so big down in Bayou La Batre. So I guess the fuel prices are a by-product of that. Oh no, shrimp and fish tacos prices are probably gonna go up too. Sounds fishy (HA) that fish tacos are probably gonna be more expensive just before Cinco De Mayo because of what's going on in the Gulf of MEXICO. Is this payback for what's going on with the immigration situation in Arizona? Where have you gone Mulder and Scully?

I'm tired of the new catch phrase "at the end of the day." Catch phrases drive me nuts though I am just as guilty as some. Just so we're all on the same page and things being as they are the fact of the matter is that at the end of the day I wish we could put an end to the senseless catch phrases. Let's do it for the children, it's discomboobulating for them!

How did nuts and bananas become synonymous with "crazy"? Nuts and bananas are perfectly harmless, in fact, they are both down-right good and healthy. Let's lighten-up on the fruits and legumes people!

Last night's baseball game was against the Genoa-Kingston (GK) Yankees. They are a team that no one else in the league likes because there are stories of how their coach bends the rules a bit. There's all kinds of talk in all sports and who knows what's true and what's not? Historically, men have complained that women have been "gossips" or "busy-bodies"... but men have always been far worse (okay, maybe equally as bad). Long story short, we won by the slaughter rule (15-5). In case you are unfamiliar with the slaughter rule (or the ten-run rule as it's also called) if one team is up by ten runs or more after a certain number of innings, 5 innings in our case, the game is over. Toward the end of the shortened-game my son got a hit and then stole second base. While he was sliding into second the ball that the catcher threw hit him near the elbow. He was in pain and I went out there but it was in the fleshy part of the arm and not on the elbow itself so I figured "just rub some dirt on it." He ended up stealing third base and scoring (that's really irrelevant to the story but we guys always have to finish the sports parts of stories - Mancode). When we got home (our house not home plate) Sugar Momma, being a mom, thought it best that I take him to the hospital because "it might be broken." I had a PAC 10 Head Coach in my living room (story for tomorrow) who looked at the arm with me and agreed with my prognosis. What I found out is that I could easily be a doctor. After X-rays and racking up a nice bill for themselves they said that it wasn't broken, keep ice on it and keep an eye on it. Number 15 did get a note to get out of gym for the next two days which made him happy because they're doing pull-ups and push-ups for the Presidential Physical Fitness Test or what they now call The President's Challenge. Our next game is Wednesday against the Dekalb White Sox. The GK Yankees beat them 22-11 so, hopefully, we'll do well. That's really gonna mess up Cinco De Mayo - an 8:00 game and higher fish taco prices. Why does everybody hate me (rhetorical question for humor's sake and does not require any answers thank you very much). Chef Helser may be preparing a Quatro De Mayo fiesta for tonight.

Enjoy your Tuesday, the most unappreciated day of the week (think about it).

** tampon graphic from coolcanucks.ca, cindy crawford photo from goodhousekeeping.com, rub some dirt in it photo from southsidesox.com and forest gump photo for shrimpnews.com (visit these fine non-sponsors - not sponsors yet anyway) **