In Honor...Memorial Day!

Memorial Day was originally known as Decoration Day and intended to honor Union soldiers who lost their lives during the American Civil War. It is celebrated near the date of the reunification of the United States after the end of the civil war. After World War I Memorial Day was expanded to more of what it is today. On this day in 1962 the U.S.S. Arizona Memorial was dedicated to honor the lives that were lost at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii by Japanese attack. This attack gave the United States of America reason to enter World War II and, in the words attributed to Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto but more likely made-up by Hollywood, "woke a sleeping giant." The U.S. was far from a sleeping giant. This attack on the U.S., however, did force us to act and stop some of the worst of the World's atrocities since America's birth.

I find that I am a lot like America itself. I believe most Americans are the same. The American spirit to me is that we want to be able to pursue our own happiness as long as it doesn't effect someone else's pursuit of their own happiness. It lets us believe that we can do anything we set our minds to do. Most of us also want to defend the people who cannot defend themselves. We are, for the most part, laid back but driven until we are provoked. Once provoked we become the awakened giant.

America has had the fighting spirit since the very beginning, literally. We are a country founded by people who were willing to risk everything. George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Betsy Ross, Thomas Jefferson and countless others who risked death as traitors to fight for our beginning. The American Revolution was the birth of the American fighting spirit and our country. As we are each products of our own personal natures and nurturing so too is America. Way before 1776 people migrated to this land for freedoms of religion...we are based on freedom.

When I was working in my yard yesterday I couldn't help but think about the millions of soldiers who have fought for me and the countless that have lost their lives since 1776 so I could have the right to own my own land. I am humbled by the dedication that is given so each and every one of us has the freedoms we have come to take for granted. Most countries in the world don't have near the liberties and freedoms we possess. Many of the people in the world who we consider enemies dislike America because of our freedoms: religion, speech, pursuit of happiness...

I started thinking about my own personal history. I was born on a U.S. Army base in Heidelberg, West Germany near the Berlin Wall and the countless Nazi Concentration Camps that Americans gave their lives to liberate. I was willing to serve and was sworn-in to do my part but became unable to serve in the military due to personal injury. I have visited and taken great interest in many of the arenas and monuments that have made America what it is: Philadelphia, Gettysburg, Arlington National Cemetery, Washington D.C., Charleston, Mt. Rushmore, The Alamo, Pearl Harbor. Actually, anywhere you and I visit in our country is historical because it is made possible by Americans fighting so we can be here. Now I blog whatever I want on a daily basis because of the freedom I have been granted. This same freedom also made possible for people to invent the tools by which I blog. I know this is somewhat disjointed and rambling at times but that is one of my inalienable rights as an American...Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Rambling Blogs!

We, as Americans, owe a great debt of gratitude that we can never repay to the men and women who have dedicated their lives to making our country what we treasure every day. There are people who are reading this blog who have served or are presently serving. There are people who have children who have served or are serving now. Though Memorial Day is set aside for the soldiers who fought and died for us I treat Memorial Day and Veteran's Day the same. I think of all the people who have given of themselves to protect me and allow me to live with the freedoms I treasure. I appreciate the soldiers who gave the ultimate price of their lives and their families for their losses. I further know that by putting on the uniform they are ALL willing to pay that price for you and me. Thank you for all that you do for us every day!

** photos liberated as follows: u.s.s. arizona - ballslist.com, imo jima - marines.mil, continental congress - archives.gov, statue of liberty - awuaphoenix.com & arlington national cemetery - bearpit.net 88

I'm Ready For My Close-Up Mr. DeMille

The big plans yesterday didn't materialize. I ended up working until about 5:00 (with Cook County State's Attorney Anita Alvarez) and when I got home Sugar Momma wasn't feeling well so I just went to my parents' house and brought home a vehicle full of firewood that my dad had been collecting for us. I came home with a huge load of wood (TWSS). It worked out fine (not the load of wood part) because I got to go over to my bro-migo Dennis' house and watch the NHL team from the Middle, The Chicago Blackhawks, take game one of the Stanley Cup Finals.

When I blogged yesterday that the American Idol winner this season was from the Middlewest (Illinois) my buddy Stacee pointed out that the Biggest Loser is also from Middletown USA (Bartlett, IL) and reminded me that The Man In The Big White House (President Barack Obama) is also a Middler. We're coming for you non-Middlers...first America and then the world. IT'S MIDDLE DOMINATION!!!!

Today I intend to conquer the impossible. Climb the MATTerhorn. I have one of those patio bars that I moved downstairs to my poker room (intended for entertainment purposes only) in the basement a couple of years ago. It was great on the patio but was almost essential for Mattgarita Island. When I moved it down there I vowed that it would never leave Mattgarita Island because it was a pain to get down there. Imagine how much fun it's going to be today when it hops a Steamer for the patio again. Upstream is always much more difficult. Good thing I'm already crabby. The mushroom cloud you see over the cornfield may be me later today. It's my idea so I will suffer my own consequences.

I still haven't seen a movie to review yet but I probably still will see Sex and the City 2 (SATC2). I just found out that there is a new theater Hollywood Palms near Fox Valley Center (or whatever it's called now). Hollywood Palms is one of those theaters that serve food and drinks while you watch the movie (again from Stacee). Sugar Momma and I went to the one by Yorktown Mall about 10 years ago (I just checked and it was 11 years ago because we saw the Matrix there). This would be a great way to review a movie and a restaurant at the same time and for A MATT IN THE MIDDLE FIRST (fanfare) a theater review...oooooooooooo....aaaaaaaaaaa. The weekend isn't even half over.

Sugar Momma is going to our niece's high school graduation today (she knows the bar is coming up the stairs today). There was some cockamamie story about how there weren't enough tickets for me. I know I am embarrassing and I blog about everything but I can behave sometimes. I have been to weddings and funerals and didn't get thrown out. No, I'm kidding, I know there are only so many seats and they'd rather take their dog's groomer than me...I'm cool with that. (I just made that up, I don't think the dog's groomer is going - Sugar Momma check for a dog groomer). I'm like Uncle Arthur from Bewitched with a skosh less flamboyance.

I am going to do a Memorial Day tribute for tomorrow's blog. I will try to be serious because I have great respect for what Memorial Day stands for and for what the women and men of the military do every day to keep us safe. I have a tendency to skew things toward the humorous but that's how I am. If, tomorrow, it appears that what I write is disrespectful I assure you that it will not be my intention. I am launching a preemptive apology when I don't even have any idea what I am going to blog yet. That seems military and respectful right there doesn't it? Today I changed the top ten list to my top ten favorite war/army/fight films.

Sugar Momma is missing one slipper from each of four pairs of slippers. I know she thinks I'm Prince Charming and all but this role play is getting out of hand. Instead of finding the woman in my kingdom who the slipper fits I have to find the slipper that fits the woman in my kingdom. I'm more like Gus Gus than the Prince but I'll try before I turn back into the footman or whatever Gus Gus turned back into. The footman looking for a slipper...it's all becoming clearer now.

Is it possible to get your nostrils and ear lobes waxed? I want a Brazilian nose and ear wax.

If you feel like carrying a bar up a flight of stairs, digging/leveling the area for the bar, going to Menard's and getting sand and mulch and spreading those and various other graduation party preparation fun come on over. I will be happy to keep you libated (that's not a word but it should be - Urban Dictionary).

Have a nice Sunday and a fantastic graduation day Emily. Blog you tomorrow with my Memorial Day Tribute to America. Time to make the donuts!

** blackhawks ice crew photo slashed from blackhawks.nhl.com,hollywood palms cinema photo cecil b. de-stolen from hollywoodpalmscinema.com & cinderella picture slipped from us.movies1.yimg.com

I'm Pretty Sure I Saw a Unicorn!

I think I have developed anatidaephobia from all of the wildlife in our back yard. I was lying in the hammock last night while everyone else was gone and I felt like Snow White when the animals first started becoming less afraid of her. There were no green alligators or long neck geese, no humpty back camels or chimpanzees but there were rabbits and ducks and robins and cardinals all around me. A baby bunny named Hugh was right next to the hammock and then went directly under me. I named him (or her) Hugh because I was using my HP Mini (ca-ching). Hugh is short for Hewlett (Hugh) G. Eers. Those animals are all: really stupid, really unobservant or really perceptive in knowing I would never hurt any of them. They're probably just kissing up because Sugar Momma and I are their soup kitchen. Next time I go to the hammock I will take the camera with me because I am pretty sure I did see a unicorn after all of those margaritas.

I love my new H.P. Mini (double-ching) but I am sure that I am under-compensating for something with the mini. I didn't like it much at first but it is growing on me. Not too much though because if it grew too much it wouldn't be a mini. My feet are bigger than it is. You know what they say about guys with big feet - "big feet, big shoes."

I did have my camera with me yesterday on my many trips back and forth to Menard's (ca-ching) and Lowe's (ca-ching-aroo). I saw black smoke off in the distance toward Sycamore and me trying to prolong the kitchen tile project as longs as I could, and the fact that I am extremely nosy, I headed toward the smoke. There was a farm house burning down. It was a controlled burn by the fire department but it was cool nonetheless. I was happy I did have my camera for that.

Speaking of the kitchen project - I am done with the tile. I posted some photos over in the left margin so everyone can see that I am not qualified to help with your projects. If you need a moron grunt to help with the mindless stuff I am your MATT otherwise you're probably better off without me near the project.

When I did yesterday's blog post I used a photo of Kool-Aid Man (ching-ching). I started thinking that if I had been Ray Stantz I would have chosen Kool-Aid Man rather than the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man to battle New York. I would love to see them fight each other actually like a Godzilla - Mothra battle. I wouldn't want the Kool-Aid Man here at our house though. He's either too lazy or too ignorant to walk around to a gate. He's always smashing through brick walls and fences; I don't need that aggravation or clean-up. It took me like 15 hours to tile a kitchen can you imagine how long it would take me to reconstruct a brick wall that was destroyed by a giant pitcher of Kool-Aid? At least I wouldn't get thirsty I suppose.

I never made it to a MATTinee yesterday or Thursday so I didn't see a new movie to review this week. I will try to get to one. Today I have to work a bit this afternoon and then Sugar Momma and I are heading to the big city (Oswego / Boulder Hill). You guys with all of your fancy motorcars and things. I think after that we may go to Morton Arboretum and for dinner somewhere out that way. Now I know how the Amish must feel when they go to town. Excited and nervous all at the same time.

Hey, I guess that new American Idol dude is from Illinois. Your following this blog and keeping to your Middle roots has helped propel this young artist to the top of his field. Congratulations to Lee DeWyze of Mt. Prospect, Illinois; I'm sure you're very talented. And you thought you were just reading a blog...you are making a difference right now by reading this. Reading Matt In The Middle is FUN-da-mental ("mental" anyway, "da")!

Have a great Saturday. It seems like the weather is going to be great in the Middle today. And tomorrow is like Second Saturday - woohoo!!! Maybe tomorrow I will actually
compose my blog from the HP Mini...make sure you have your magnifying glasses for the tiny type...blog you later!

Let's All Do The Wave!

It's the Friday of a holiday weekend; that's never a bad thing. Maybe it is. I bet it stinks for the trash collectors. I'm not talking about you Bret Michaels. Now they have to work harder next week but it's still not a bad thing this week so, I guess it still is never a bad thing.

Yesterday I was going to go see Sex and the City 2 but I made the mistake of starting to grout the brick in the kitchen. Eight hours later, having grouted all day, I was getting ready to coach little league. I got a little over-ambitious and grouted pretty far ahead. The directions said to let the grout sit 10-30 minutes before removing the grout. It seems that the pasty grout changes properties after too long and turns into Titanium. Have you ever tried to wipe Titanium away with a wet sponge? It doesn't work so well. I was using scouring pads and steel wool and even had the dynamite lit before I had to blow the fuse out to get the baseball lineup ready. Now my hands ache so much I can barely type but I have made a commitment to you to do this blog and, gosh darn it, I live up to my commitments.

I hear a fire truck close. I haven't been downstairs yet this morning I hope it isn't something to do with my grouting. I hope I blew that fuse out all the way.

So, today I have to finish up the grouting. Remember when I said this project would be worth the time and money? What I have done so far looks great but I am starting to wonder if it was worth it...it was. The full use of my hands for a better-looking kitchen. What good is a kitchen if I can't cook because I have no use of my hands? What a quandary! It's a mystery! It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma!

Sugar Momma got home from Austin last night and Splenda's last day of school was yesterday so now the big push is on to "get this house ready for graduation." The house is ready it's everything else that isn't. We can't start getting it ready too early because we cannot keep it clean since we're always going eleven-and-a-half different directions at the same time. We have to stress ourselves out and do it all at the last minute. It makes the margaritas taste all that much better.

My "favorites" and "stored" phone numbers and "saved" email addresses are ruining my memory. I used to know everybody's numbers and addresses by heart but now I don't have to so I can't. I know it's not age that's making me forget things it's this dang-dab-blammed technology. Curse you Oppenheimer and Edison and Franklin! I guess it's no different than having an address book. Sorry I blew up (not that kind of blew up...the fuse is not lit). Bless you Edison and Franklin...I'm still a little suspicious of you Oppenheimer. Cell phones and texting and computers make missing people something of the past. I think something is lost since we can't "miss" people like we once did. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but there is to absence anymore. I miss missing people. I want my heart to grow fonder.

I work tomorrow for a College of Law graduation. I know what you're thinking...Matt what advise are you going to give these future magistrates and noble-people? I haven't decided yet but I am sure I will be quite an inspiration to them.

The last time I worked my part-time job I worked security which I hadn't done before. They put me out back making sure people had passes to enter a certain parking lot. I was out there alone and I wasn't sure if I was Gomer Pyle or Floyd Lawson. I had gotten temporarily deputized and put where I could cause the least amount of trouble. At least Floyd and Gomer got rifles on occasion; maybe I'm more like Leon.

I didn't even have time to work out yesterday so I'm dreading doing it today. Whatever doesn't kill us just probably shortens our lives. That's not right...whatever doesn't kill us just makes us stronger for the less time that it lets us live. Speaking of that, one of my parents' friends since high school passed away the other day. He was only four months older than my dad. It reminds me that my parents aren't going to be here forever. I am fortunate to still have them both. I don't know how I will take it when they die. Well, that's cheery.

Don't you hate the people who don't wave when you let them cut in front of you? IT ONLY TAKES 2 SECONDS TO WAVE! Every time this happens I vow to myself that I will never let anybody cut in front of me again.
Until next time because I am a nice guy and I have faith in humanity and I know the next person will wave. And then they wave so I let another one in and they don't wave so I will never let anybody else in front of me...it never ends. JUST WAVE PEOPLE!!! THAT'S ALL I ASK!

Have a nice Friday. I intend to blog every day over the Memorial Day weekend like always but I will understand if you don't read them until Tuesday when you get back to work and need to kill time while those reports print or you are waiting for a meeting or you are just thinking, "I wonder what that idiot wrote about over the weekend." I'll tell you what he's thinking.."JUST WAVE!"

Be safe. Blog you later!

** mayberry photo handcuffed from mayberrytownhall.ning.com & both wave photos let cut in front of me from sodahead.com

All Hands On Deck - The Admiral is Returning!

I am so thrilled; Sex and the City 2 opens today.

Last night our baseball game lasted until about 10:15 and then we had to stop and Taco Bell after that because my son and I hadn't eaten dinner. I am tired and I know it's going to be a struggle getting him up this morning. We have another 8:00 game tonight. This will be so much easier when school is out. Only one more week. We were down last night 14-3 but had an 8-run rally to be within 3 but then ended up losing 14-11. It was a good game and a good comeback that just came up a bit short.

Today is Splenda's last day of high school forever. How exciting. Now off to a whole new chapter in her life when she begins college in a couple of months. Hold on sweety, the roller coaster just gets faster from here. High school was that clickety-clickety-clickety sound you hear when you're going up...get ready for all the big drops and twists and upside-downs. They are all part of the ride but they keep you guessing what is up beyond the next turn. In the end you are happy for every one of those unexpected moves in the ride. Mom and I are very proud of you and we know you'll change the world. You were one of the best twists in our roller coaster ride that we are thankful for every single day.

(I was very proud of that analogy but when I re-read this I realized that metaphor was from the movie "Parenthood" - great movie!)

While I was working on the kitchen bricks/walls I was watching (just listening actually) some of those episodes of America Story of Us. That is the show that originally reminded me about the creative commercials but I don't think I even mentioned it when I discussed the creative commercials. They have commercials that look like a documentary similar to the show . They break and run right into the commercials. Since I was working and my hands were covered in adhesive I didn't want to touch the remote so I was trapped. The show is presented by Bank of America and they are one of the companies that fools us with the commercials that look like part of the show. Every one of their commercials is how they are responsible for every great thing that ever happened in America. It's really amusing actually whether it's true or not. I am sure it's true but partially skewed their way. It kind of reminds me of Tommy Flanagan "... and then we financed a cruise for a family...it was a family named...Columbus, yeah that's the ticket." I am waiting to see the commercial that says how they were partially responsible for the disastrous economic downturn we are currently experiencing. I imagine that will be in the final episode of the show.

I have all the brick/tile installed in the kitchen and now I just have to grout it and seal it. I was thankful that I hadn't trimmed my fingernails in awhile. While I was sawing one of the bricks with my Black & Decker NaviGator power handsaw/jigsaw (ka-ching) the brick slipped and I sawed into the top of my thumbnail. Luckily I felt the vibration right away and have cat-like reflexes. The thumbnail saved my thumb from being peeled like a banana. I always thought fingernails were just there so we could pick our noses and pry staples up and have something to chew when we're nervous. They have a higher calling than I give them credit for. So then, about a half hour later while trying to force a brick into a hole with a hammer I smacked the same thumbnail and now I have a black and blue dot (bruise) right in the middle of under my thumbnail. I will attach these thumb incidents to something later saying that it was a sign or a prediction. Maybe I am meant to go hitchhiking around the world and need my thumbs. I probably shouldn't watch television while working with power tools is probably the real sign that I am supposed to get. I almost blew my life-long goal of playing Arthur Fonzarelli on Broadway.

Yesterday I let Ms. Peabody out to drop more depth-charges for my next barefoot lawn mowing. I saw her chasing Quackers. He didn't seem too worried as he just pretty much jumped up, flapped his wings and came right back down. He is about twice as big as Peabody so he could take her in a duck-dog battle royale. I yelled at her and she stopped and came back in the house. I noticed him just sitting out in the yard by himself and wondered if Cheese and he had had a fight or they were separated and our yard is their rendezvous spot or if she got captured by that fox or if they had gotten split up or is she nesting really close to, or maybe in, our backyard somewhere? Maybe she didn't get over the Blackhawks beating the Anaheim Ducks and she is depressed in a duck bar somewhere. While I was watering the outside plants, hanging laundry and feeding the birds later I noticed they were together again...there is joy in Duckville. I even create soap operas about ducks...maybe I really do need to see Sex and the City 2. It has been suggested that I see it and review it even though I have never even seen one episode of the show. A guys perspective would be interesting maybe.

Tonight my wife, Morgan Fairchild, comes back home. I guess I had better get the house clean today. It looks like rain again so maybe baseball will be canceled and I will have a few extra hours to clean up the Bret Michaels after-party we had Sunday night. That dude can really throw a party but he doesn't stay to help clean up. I was going to ask Quackers to move in but he got his dame back. We were gonna film a reality show "Blogging For Quackers" but now that's scrapped. I guess I'll just have to keep bugging you everyday. Thank you for letting me do that...you complete me!

Now I gotta get on my hazMATT suit and get this place in shape. Tomorrow is Friday and a long holiday weekend so tough it out...you can do it. Blog you tomorrow!

**tommy flanagan photo "took it myself, yeah that's the ticket" from snlark.jt.org and cleanup photo taken by me at my house (no, actually swiped from abc.net.au) **

Make It a Wonderful Life! (start with today)

Happy Humpty Dumpty Day!

Yesterday I mowed the lawn barefoot because I need to toughen my feet up for the summer. I have always been a tenderfoot. I wasn't worried about cutting off a toe because firstly, I only have nine so I have better odds than other mowers, and secondly, my tennis shoes or crocks aren't going to save my feet from a whirling toe death machine anyway. I thought about the native Americans while mowing and thought they must have had tough feet. Every time I stepped in dog crap I thought how much different it would have been if it were buffalo chips. I did find out, however, that some mulch is like tiny little military arsenals with bayonets and spears trained to take your feet out. My feet took a punishment and they came back from battle still dressed in their black and green battle camouflage with blood and war paint still adorning their faces. They fought well and made me proud. The yard was pushed back but we know that the lawn will mount another offensive soon and we will have to re-deploy Operation Toro. I took recon photos with the E-3 Sentry (AWACS) but the sensitivity of the mission won't allow me to publish them (actually they were really boring photos).

I saw rabbits everywhere and discovered that one of our neighbors behind us has a rabbit trap set up. It is one of those humane type (catch and release) so I didn't feel bad. It was funny though because as I would come up on where a rabbit was hiding it would take off and go and sit right by the rabbit trap and not even go inside. I would get right up on them before I'd even see them and they'd just take off - won you wascal wabbits won!

I also noticed that another neighbor behind us has let his lawn get pretty high. It's not unusual for them to let it go for a while but stuff like that has never bothered me. Some people get all bent out of shape about stuff like that. I am a do unto others kind of a guy. Once you cross me I have you in my sights for, well, probably forever but until then do what you want. In fact, in this case, it makes our yard look so much better. It's like a long weedy picture frame surrounding our Mona Lisa.

The day I got my toe cut off, when I was seventeen years old, turned out to be one of the best days of my future life. It was my equivalent to the day Harry Bailey fell into the water and George Bailey jumped in after him.
I was already sworn in to go to Army basic training for Military Police. I would never have met Sugar Momma and never had the greatest kids on the planet and I would never have started this blog. That movie does make you think what would have happened if... (we can all fill in our own "if").

I also did some laundry yesterday and was faced with a new dilemma in the clothesline arena. What do you do when it starts to rain? Do you leave them out there because they were just washed and they're already wet? I pulled them in and I'm glad I did because it poured for quite awhile. I will put them back out this morning to finish their drying.

Last night I worked on the back-slash bricks in the kitchen until about 11:00 or so. It looks really nice but I have a long way to go. I have to finish the bricks and then grout. I think I can get it done today. It will be worth the time and money because the part I already did, even before the grouting, looks good.

Tonight we have an 8:00 baseball game and, even though people don't realize it, there is quite a bit of preparation that goes into coaching boy's baseball so I have to work on that this afternoon. All of our 8th graders are going to be late because of an honor's night so we will be missing some key players at the beginning. We have a lot of really good 7th grade players, as most of our team is 7th-graders, so we'll be fine. Our game tomorrow is 8:00 too. Why didn't we get the 8:00 game the day that it was 2000 degrees outside?

Have a "wonderful" day today and... "Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has friends. Thanks for the wings, Love Clarence."


**E3 sentry photo recon'd from globalsecurity.org and the baileys photo out the door or through the windowed from bloodcenters.org **

G'Day Mate!

It's Tuesday and millions of people have some extra time on their hands tonight. What are you going to do without LOST?

When I wrote my review of Iron Man 2 yesterday I forgot to include the music. The music of AC/DC really helps to get you pumped up. The soundtrack is amazing. It's the closest thing AC/DC have ever done to a "best of" compilation. Their music cannot be purchased on iTunes so if you're an AC/DC fan it's a great investment for $12 (at least that's the price at Wal-Mart). The movie School of Rock was also filled with AC/DC music but not performed by AC/DC and I checked and none of their music is on that soundtrack.

I am starting to think that I really do have an Australia / New Zealand fetish. Maybe it's because I know one day I may be partially "buried" there when some of my ashes end up in a sand castle down under. I like the koala and the wombat and the wallabee and the tasmanian devil, Men at Work seemed like fun guys, I'm a fan of the kangaroo and the kiwi, I've mentioned Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman here a couple of times, Joe Hachem is one of my favorite poker players and I have loved AC/DC since about 7th grade. I am not a fan of Nicole Kidman though, she seems annoying to me. I'm sure she says the same about me. I have liked some of her work like the movie Australia (not ironically) with Hugh Jackman. The School of Rock was full of AC/DC music too but not performed by AC/DC. I checked and there is no AC/DC music on that soundtrack.

While Sugar Momma is away I am watering the outside flowers and feeding the birds like I am suppose to. I took a picture of Cheese eating bread as I threw it to her (I will post it tomorrow). Quackers just watches from further in the back yard and acts as lookout. I even throw some bread his way but he doesn't even touch it. I have to mow the lawn this morning (I waited too long yesterday and then it got to 347 degrees outside so I didn't do it yesterday). I would have done it last night but we had a baseball game; we won 10-9 in extra innings. My son has not been hitting well and I picked him up from school (not School of Rock) and we went right to the batting cages. It really helped as he was hitting like crazy last night and had like 9 stolen bases...big boost for his ego all for $5 at a batting cage. I did mow a little yesterday with my buddy Dennis though. We helped mow the lawn at Prairie Pines in Malta. It is my new favorite public course. It is very close, it's very inexpensive, we were the only ones on the entire course (remember it was Monday and it was 347 degrees), you can see the wind turbines from most of the course, you are surrounded on three sides by fields (looks like soy beans this year to the east) and I shot very well yesterday (those are the days that you think you can golf that keep you going back to find out that you really stink). I think I will make Prairie Pines the official golf course of Matt in the Middle...won't they be excited?! I should make them a plaque.

The DVR (digital video recorder) has changed television forever. Have you noticed how creative they are getting on television commercials? They have to trick us into watching them now since we can easily skip them now. I know I have mentioned that I am an Olympic gold medal winner in DVR Controlling but they get me every now and then. I think I should start an award for most creative way to get us to watch a television commercial. Three that come to mind...Jimmy Kimmel started his show with he and a bunch of his cast regulars in a van playing cards which turned out to be a commercial but I was so impressed that they "got me" that I don't know the product (maybe Chevy?), Jenna Fischer, who plays Pam Beesley-Halpert on The Office, appears in a make-up commercial that airs almost every time I watch the office now (again product lost on me because I don't wear make-up) and IAC channel on Direct TV had a show called "Into the Heart of Italy" sponsored by Bertolli (ka-ching). It reminded me a lot of the movie Letters To Juliet. It "stars" Marisa Tomei and Dan Cortese traveling about Italy looking for ingredients. You had me at Tomei! If Marisa Tomei is in it I am watching it...is she from Australia? Do any of you other Middles remember what Wednesday used to be called? Prince Spaghetti day!...ANTHONY!

I sent Sugar Momma a text yesterday and she sent one back and I notice my text said "...I "bet it's hooter than Hell" in Texas..." I meant "hotter" than Hell but I must have been thinking about Maris Tomei and the fine family of Bertolli products.

It was hot yesterday but losing weight has helped me in that respect. Yes, it has helped for the obvious reasons but losing weight helps you stay cooler just like Labor Day does...it allows you to wear white. I used to wear mostly dark-colored clothes so I could hide my jelly rolls (not real jelly rolls the pastry but jelly rolls like my humps, my humps, my lovely Matty lumps). Who did I think I was fooling? Anyway, yesterday I wore white and it helped a great deal. Thinnership has it's privileges.

Uh oh. I think I hear thunder (not from down under either) so I had better get out there and get on walk-about behind a mower. I am gonna be flat out like a lizard drinkin' today. It looks clear out, sorta sunny, though...curiouser and curiouser. Have a great day and don't let the little things get you down. It's gonna be another hot one so stay close to the billabong. G'day Mate! Now rack off...blog you manana! More thunder...Where's my Brokeback Hat?

**wombat photo outbacked from igougo.com and bertolli ca-chinged from gpi.org **