Matt in the Middle: My Schweddy Balls Are / Is Back!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

My Schweddy Balls Are / Is Back!

It's the MIDDLE of the night (currently 2:23AM) and I cannot sleep. What is the actual MIDDLE of the night? Does night begin at dark or does it begin when PM starts? It doesn't make sense that 12:00 PM is night so I would say night begins at, let's say, 6:00 PM. So, the MIDDLE of the night...wait, we have to know when night ends to know how to calculate the MIDDLE of the night. Let's say day begins at 5:00 AM. So, since night is from 6PM - 4:59AM the actual MIDDLE of the night is 12:29 AM? That doesn't seem right. If that is the case I am already past the MIDDLE of the night.

I love Ben & Jerry. In case you are unaware they are ice cream makers from Vermont. They seem like really good guys who care about helping others as well as the Earth... They have most recently been in the news for making Schweddy Balls ice cream which I could never find. I ached to have Schweddy Balls in my mouth but could not get my hands on Schweddy Balls. I was planning on getting two if I could find them but I could not find a pair of Schweddy Balls to save my life. I would give my right ball (I believe I keep the football on the right) to taste Schweddy Balls. Anyway, Ben and Jerry are suing adult DVD makers (that is a fancy way for saying porn) Ben & Cherry's for making films like: New York Fat & Chunky, Peanut Butter D-Cup and Boston Cream Thigh for an undisclosed amount. I am guessing these were based on Ben & Jerry's flavors: New York Super Fudge Chunk, Peanut Butter Cup and Boston Cream Pie. At least they changed the names. I could have made adult films without changing the names to: Cake Batter, Chubby Hubby, Chunky Monkey, Cinnamon Buns, Chocolate Therapy, Half-Baked, Karmel Sutra, Mud Pie (not that into it but to each their own), Late Night Snack, What A Cluster... I could keep going on but you probably got the idea about 1/3 the way through that.

Yesterday I blogged that I have always liked Bill Clinton. Last night I watched him speak at the Democratic National Convention (DNC) and I like him even more now. I am not sure if it's that I really like him or I have finally crossed that border where I am an old fart because I have never listened to a political speech in it's entirety before. I hope it is the former because I am not ready to change this blog's name to Matt In The Middle Even Though He's Old. You have to respect a man who supports a dude who beat his wife (for the Presidential nomination in this case) and then gives her a job. A More Perfect Union!

I started reading my book but that wasn't helping anything so I watched Varsity Blues on Netflix on my laptop. I have always liked that movie a lot. It's not cinematic genius but it's a good story if you like football. I was hoping it would make me sleepy but it did not. I am happy that I work nights because I can sleep all day if I need to before I go to work tonight. I don't know why I cannot sleep. It must be the whole vampire thing rearing its head again. I gotta say I love the night better than the day and maybe subconsciously I prefer sleeping during the day. Since I began working nights my length of sleep has increased once I do get to sleep. I seem to sleep more soundly during the day for some reason. Less distractions with everyone else at school and work I think. Maybe it's the whole man of the house having to make sure everybody else is safe deal? As long as my coffin lid is closed tightly while it's light out I am good to go! For some reason a Bloody Mary is sounding very good about now.

I should probably try to get a few hours of sleep before I have to get Fabio up for school. If I post this now will anybody actually get to read it? It will be about four hours old before many of you are even getting out of bed. I am going to read my book for a few minutes and then sleep until 6AM. Then, while I am making Fabio's lunch (I wish he would just eat hot lunch like the rest of his kind) I will post this. Maybe I will even add something more if it comes to me during my brief slumber. It is 2:46 now so TTT...just after 6AMish! MITM (out to try to sleep)

Hey, I slept for 2 1/2 hours...woo hoo. Now here is the blog via time warp again.

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Matt In The Middle Blogssary

47% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 47 % estrogen
53% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 53% testosterone
Agitator (the) - Matt's podcast name (revealed in blog and podcast number 2
B. S. - blog stuff
Big Sexy - Jay Cole's drink of choice (Jack and Coke) - doesn't necessarily have to be Jack
Blogcast - our podcast (Dirty Laundry)
Bloggestion - now in Urban Dictionary meaning something suggested on a blog or taking a few minutes to understand (like suggested or digested)
Blogging Suit - like a NASCAR driver's racing suit with all of the sponsors patches
Blogssary - blog glossary
Blogisodes - episodes of this blog
BWAK - blogged with a kiss
Ca-Ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ka-ching
Cha Cha - revealed to be Sugar Momma's new name on premier podcast
Cheese & Quackers - our resident ducks. she is cheese and he is quackers
Ciaoloha - MITM's new mega-word "discovered" on Columbus Day 2011. It combines "hello," "goodbye," "love," "podcast" and "blog" into one happy little package!
Copyright - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
Dirty Laundry - our podcast/blogcast launched 4/1/11
Discomboobulated - a word Bret Michaels used on Celebrity Apprentice when he meant discombobulated though discomboobulated is an actual word
Fabio - the name my son preferred being called on the blog (the artist formerly known as Sparky)
Judii - the sister I never had but wish I did (my unofficial sister)
Ka-ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ca-ching
Kajunkles - used for people who don't know how to run correctly. Body parts moving against one another rather than together for the common goal of running (could be a noun, proper noun or a verb). Trying to accomplish something against seemingly impossible odds.
The Lost Sock - Cha Cha's brother (and my brother-in-law). One of the best people I have known in my life.
MADYM - One of my very good friends - Mary. She was given this name based on an acronym of her name by one of my other very good friends Stacee. Together they came up with the MITM theme song idea. She was also our maid of honor or matron of honor (I don't know the difference).
Middle - anything average or center (Middle of the country, Middle of life, average intelligence, a regular joe (or joan)...)
MITM - Matt In The Middle
Ms. Peabody - Maisy (our dog) because of Mr. Peabody
Nature Girl - Another very good friend- Sue. Given this name because of being a combination of Diane Fossey, Caroline Ingalls and Danielle Boone (lady Daniel)
Patent / Patent Pending - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
PFT - Plasma Fun Time - donating plasma - twice a week.
Roz - my pink/fuchsia i-pod nano. Named for Roz Kelly who played Pinky Tuscadero on tv's Happy Days. She goes with me everywhere to play my life's soundtrack and measure my steps with her pedometer.
Sparky - my son's blog pseudonym (see also Fabio)
Splenda - my daughter's blog pseudonym
Sponsorship Patch - when I mention a known product to try to get sponsorships and want to put a patch on my blogging suit
Stacee - a friend from high school that is a great inspiration to me continuously. The Cosmos keep bringing us back together electronically (MySpace, Facebook, Blog...) even though we haven't "seen" each other for nearly thirty years.
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheels theme song of MITM. Idea suggested by MADY and Stacee
Sugar Momma - my wife, Jill
Trademark - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
TTTT - Ta Ta 'Til Tomorrow
TWSS - that's what she said
WTF - why the face?

Potato Soup

Ingredients Needed:
1 - 32 oz. box Vegetarian Vegetable Broth (I used Swanson's)
can substitute with chicken broth if you wish
1 - package of Country Gravy Mix (I used McCormick's)
okay to use sausage gravy mix if you wish
1 - 26 oz. package of frozen hash browns

Cook hash browns in a large pot. Cook potatoes until slightly browned stirring often so as not to burn the hash browns. While the hash browns are cooking prepare the country gravy mix as directed on package. Once the potatoes are done to your liking slowly pour the broth into the pot with the potatoes and reduce heat and simmer until hot. After the potatoes and broth are hot add the gravy mix and continue to simmer until thickened. Serve and eat.

** special note...I like it extra spicy so I add an extra package of county gravy mix to the finished mixture and whisk and heat.

Just like I always say - add whatever you want (peas, onions...) and make it your own. And, as always, ENJOY!

Sangria Wine Recipe (reposted from 4/22/10)

I also made Sangria yesterday to honor Earth's goodness (truthfully so I could get lit). I am not a wine drinker because most wines are too dry in my opinion and I am not a big fan of cotton-mouth. I liked the movie "Sideways" though so I want to like wine. I was watching Planet Green a couple of days ago while I was cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry like a real man and Emeril Lagasse was making paella on "Emeril Green". He also threw in, as an after-thought, Sangria so I hit the record button. Well he did it very fast and didn't say measurements or anything but he gave the basics so I came up with my own recipe and I think it turned out well though I made A LOT! Sugar Momma says I am a man of excess - isn't that what "man" means? Anyway, here's my Sangria recipe but I suggest you might want to cut the volume down unless you are having a small country over for dinner:

ingredients (I would suggest cutting the liquids in half)

3 liters of inexpensive Shiraz (Frontera Mendoza 2009)
1 cup of Grand Marnier
1 cup of brandy
1 cup of lime juice
3 limes
3 lemons
2 granny smith apples
2 large oranges
12 oz. sugar
33.8 oz sparkling water (Pellegrino)
64 oz. orange juice
ice

In a HUGE bowl slice the fruit and cover with sugar, mix. Add Shiraz and stir. Add ice to hold the fruit under while it drowns in the wine. Add Grand Marnier and brandy and stir. Add lime juice, orange juice and sparkling water and stir. Let sit for awhile so the tastes blend. Taste and add ingredients to taste (I added a little more lime juice and sugar). Find the biggest vessel you own for storage (mine is a pot like they used in those headhunter movies to cook people which is now sitting on our stove). Sweet and fruity just like me. Share with your friends/neighbors and your boss at review time.

Caprese Paninis

Ingredients you will need:

good loaf of bread (I used Italian bread)
mozzarella cheese
pesto sauce (I used jarred Classico brand - found by pastas)
fresh basil leaves
extra virgin olive oil
tomatoes

And here we go:
slice the bread and brush extra virgin olive oil on both sides of each slice. Clean and separate basil leaves. Slice tomatoes. Grate Cheese. Lightly grill one side of each slice of bread. Flip the bread when lightly toasted. After flipping the bread spread pesto on the toasted side and top with shredded cheese while the other side toasts. Once the second side is toasted and the cheese is starting to melt remove it from the

grill and top with two slices of tomato side-by-side and put a basil leaf on each tomato slice. Remove another slice of the toast with the pesto and cheese mixture from the grill and place it cheese/pesto side down on top of the tomato and basil'd toast to form a sandwich. (They could just as easily be done in a frying pan or on a George Foreman Grill...)

Done! Very simple and delicious!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

My Schweddy Balls Are / Is Back!

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