My Vacation with The Ghosts of Murderers

I am beginning this blog on Monday night at 19:22 (we use military time at work and since vacation is over soon and I will be back to work Thursday I had better get used to using military time again) from 30,000 feet or something like that from seat 9F...love me a window seat. We had a pretty good time but I look a bit like Mr. Crabs now with my red tint. Luckily, I have always looked good in red.

We ate lunch today at a place called Ojos Locos Sports Cantina. I had two Camarones (shrimp for you non-Mexican cuisine peeps) tacos and two Tilapia (Tilapia for you non-Mexican speaking peeps) tacos and we had chips and guacamole (I had all the guacamole because Randy doesn't like guacamole (he really liked the queso though) - "what's the matter brainless don't you know where guacamole comes from?" Never pass up an opportunity to quote It's a Wonderful Life whenever possible even if it only marginally fits. I wish I lived in Dallas because I would eat at this place twice-a-day every day for the rest of my life. Not only were the tacos and guacamole fantastic but all of the waitresses (about 12 to 14 of them) looked like Eva Longoria wearing black micro-mini shorts and low-cut tops with stripper boots. They were like short hispanic fembots. I didn't even need the sports bar part of the cantina. The tacos also had habenero onions which I have never heard of but they were good and hot like I like.

I started a tradition of lying on famous people's graves a couple of years ago when I started with Edgar Allan Poe and I added three new people to my list: Lee Harvey Oswald, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow. Clyde was quite an adventure. The cemetery was in a barrio (too bad we hadn't met the fembots yet because they may have been helpful here), the gate was locked and there was a "no trespassing" sign on the fence. Randy didn't want to go in but, while he was objecting, I was already squeezing between the gates. What would Clyde do? He would probably pull out his tommy gun and cut the lock like soft butter. Most likely afraid to remain in the barrio without Clyde me Bonnie Randy followed soon after. Clyde's tombstone was easy to find because there was a bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey and several shotgun shells on top of the headstone. He is buried with his brother Marvin who was also part of Bonnie and Clyde's gang; he was killed about a year before Clyde - not part of the famous ambush that made Swiss Cheese outta Bonnie and Clyde. I have stories about Lee Harvey and Bonnie too but you'll have to tune into this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast to hear those because it is stupid to steal your own thunder (that's what Clyde tells me anyway). If the ghost of Clyde Barrow drank the Jameson whiskey that some one left him would he spray whiskey all over like a colander?

More than ten feet off of Beale

While I was taking pictures on the trip I thought to myself that taking photos to show other people is kinda stupid. Nobody else really cares about your trip. Maybe we just take them to remind us of our trips and to prove whose graves we have planked on. Maybe to remember what we did when we get old or maybe just so people like Ken Burns can make documentaries in years to come and have something to include.

As I was leaving Texas I thought of a great slogan for The Lone Gunman Lone Star State: "if you can't stand the heat get outta Texas." It was hotter than Beelzebub's butt crack all week long. They must have mini air conditioning units in their boots or 10-gallon hats; that finally explains the hats. On the plane on the way home I got to see why the 10-gallon hat was invented - to hide your Elvis-do! I have what I believe to be photographic evidence that Elvis lives and he was on my flight. Either that or the dude is ready for a part in The Rocky Horror Picture Show or he is auditioning for the live-action Johnny Bravo movie. Hot damn tamale baby!!! I guess Spirit Air makes sense when you see the ghost of Elvis. Maybe I died on the plane and I don't know I am dead yet ala The Sixth Sense. I was on a plane with restless souls...cool! Makes sense (sixth sense).


The best thing about the trip is the wake-up call. I am starting to pack the pounds on again due to my irregular sleeping and the inability inconvenience to work-out because of my schedule. It is time to stop with the excuses and get back to where I was. Matt is getting fat and I ain't down with that!

I am home now and finishing this up. I am washing all of my sweaty clothes from the trip. I don't think I will complain about the heat in Illinois ever again. When they say "everything is bigger in Texas" I knew they were talking about Cowboy Stadium but I had no idea they meant the sun too. As hot as it was I think the sun must be about 26.3% bigger in Texas by my calculations.

Might as well be walkin' on Helios

I gotta get some stuff done around the house. Ha, I just caught a fly and set him/her free outside. I have never seen a reason to kill anything for no reason which is why maybe I was given the ability to catch flies with my bare hands (the trick is to sweep your hand about eight inches above them and close your hand while sweeping - nine times out of ten you will catch them because they will fly right into your closing hand). Have a great day and thanks for stopping by y'all. I will let you know when the podcast is up (either tonight or tomorrow morning). Damn, I forgot to mention the giant President heads - remind me tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (home home on the range). TA!