Mr. Blogs' Wild Ride!

Too Soon?

Last night while I was in the shower I thought of a great Halloween costume; an NFL replacement referee. I am still working on the particulars but the idea is there. I don't dress for Halloween unless I go to a party so I just am throwing it out there for you. Now this morning the the labor dispute is over and my million dollar idea is gone. All it takes for a labor dispute to end is for a terrible call and then someone will cave. I checked out the calendar and being off Tuesdays and Wednesdays is going to pay off this year (literally). Halloween is on a Wednesday (I am off but don't get paid because it is not a holiday though I feel it should be). Christmas Day and New Year's Day are on Tuesdays and I will get paid while being off...woohoo!!!!

I heard that driver-less cars are actually on the roads in California. These cars are gonna hurt the airlines and the trains. I can sleep in my car all the way from California to Maine? Does it pump its own gas or do I have to do that? Does it know it is getting low on fuel and pulls into a station and wakes me up? Maybe if you are a gas station owner you should get on this one. Bring back a full-service station that will pump the fuel and charge the gas to a credit card that you keep on file in case your car decides it's thirsty. I sense a whole new bunch of jobs coming because of this new way to travel. Will a self-driving car be able to do restaurant drive-up windows? I have a whole bunch of questions.

Dog The Bounty Hunter's show got cancelled from A&E and now CMT is picking him up for a new show of his. It makes more sense that, with that mullet, he'd be on Country Music Television. The new show is more of a "how-to" show. Dog and Beth will travel around the country (maybe the world?) and help bounty hunters fine-tune their businesses.

Speaking of wing-nuts did you hear that former Chicago Bears' quarterback Jim McMahon is showing signs of early dementia? I hate to sound mean but, in his case, how would he know? From the sounds of how he describes it I think I must be showing the signs or early dementia too. He says he gets text messages, reads them, erases them without responding and then he forgets who the messages were from (done that). He meets people and right after they leave he wonders who they were (guilty). When he's home alone he's usually sitting in a dark room watching television unless he comes out to get something to eat (often). But he's also busy all the time making appearances... It sounds more like he's getting old (he's 53 and I am only 49). I don't even have 70% of the memory I used to have and I was not an NFL quarterback getting hit in the head all of the time. You're getting older dud and you faculties are failing you; it's part of the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride! Just hold on tight and use it to you advantage.

Speaking of Mr. Agitator's Wild Ride the new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up and you can find out how old you will be based on listening to this week's show. I need you to do that so I know which friends of mine will be around when I outlive most everyone I know. I was very surprised how long I am supposed to live; I had always had a feeling that I was going to die younger than that. It doesn't say that I'll have all of my faculties just that I will still be breathing.

Some parts I still really like!

I am still verging on being sick I think and I don't think that Hepatitis B shot helped. I have always heard that a flu shot is a little bit of the flu so your body builds up an immunity to it so it makes sense that a Hepatitis B shot is a little bit of the Hepatitis B virus I suppose and if I was already teetering on being sick maybe that just added to it. I am getting a side-order of scratchy throat.

I am going to quit now but one parting thought. I am watching Modern Family right now. I used to really like this show but now most of the characters are getting on my nerves. Most of the actors that were cute when they we little kids are now extremely annoying; you can tell in real life they get their butts kissed. They are really terrible actors though when they were younger I could overlook it. I predict this show will be gone withing two seasons (I am usually wrong but I keep putting myself out there). Not to mention that they will all start wanting too much money and it won't be worth it anymore to do the show. That's all I've got to say about that. TTTT...MITM (out to take a nap like a 80-year-old). TA!

I May be Moving to Australia!

I wish I had known I was only going to sleep for an hour because I could have gotten a lot of things done during the night besides lying in bed thinking that I may get to sleep. I usually take Benadryl before I go to sleep because I get stuffed-up at night but last night I didn't and I paid the price. Well, I will pay the price today but thankfully I don't work tonight. I am planning on taking the Fiat to Schaumburg today to get it serviced and Cha Cha and I are figuring on going to Morton's and Hollywood Palms tonight but my sleep habits may change that...we shall see. We recorded Dirty Laundry Podcast last night and I had thought off-and-on during the night that I should go down to the studio and edit the show but I knew that I would be able to get to sleep...shows what I know! I may be able to get a nap in today sometime. I think I am taking Cha Cha to work and then heading to Schaumburg and then picking her up after work so there is probably some time in there for a wink or two.

One of the bad things about being awake all night is that when the night is over you feel like you wasted your whole night. It's not like sleeping is that productive but that isn't thought to be a waste of time. Obviously, we need to sleep but why is sleeping so much better than lying in bed trying to sleep? You're basically doing the same thing. Is it really just our minds that need the rest? If so, why do some of us dream? I dream occasionally and maybe I was really asleep all night and just dreaming that I couldn't sleep. I bet if you go back to my three years or so of blogging I bet a great deal of them discussed sleep (more the lack thereof). Maybe my one-track mind is different than some. Nah...I just have a two-track mind.

A couple of months ago I blogged about a lady who had a friend she lived with die and she cashed some of his Social Security checks for quite awhile after he had died and his body decomposed in her home. Now there is a report of three people in Wisconsin who have been cashing Social Security checks of their mom/mother-in-law. Marie Jost was last seen alive about 30 years ago and law enforcement feels her body may be buried on her property in Amhert Junction, Wisconsin. They are excavating the yard and, in the meantime, her 66 year old son, 69 year old daughter and 71 year old son-in-law have a new address and some new orange wardrobes. What in the hell is going on up there in Wisconsin. And to think we in Illinois are living right below them. Middle is as Middle does.

Madonna really knows how to keep her name in the news doesn't she? That's it...you'll have to look that one up because I don't want to get political today. Okay, I included a link there if you give a squirt.

Co-founder of Apple, Steve Wozniak,  has decided to leave America and become an Australian citizen. It seems that Australia is developing a national broadband network that will make sure all Australians have broadband service by 2021 and Woz wants to be part of that. Depending on what happens in November with the election I may join him. Cha Cha and I had talked about heading to Canada a few times but Australia sounds good and they really seem to like our podcast so that is cool. Canadians like the show too but not as much as Australia. I learned on the podcast last night, that you cannot hear yet, how long Cha Cha and I are suppose to live so we have time to make some decisions. Woz says that his home is not connected to broadband service and it seems he likes the way the Australians are thinking...I think I do too. America is more about money than people. Give me a call if you need security or a driver or something; I can be ready in an hour.

I haven't blogged this early in awhile and I seem to flow a little better in the morning. I guess I am still a morning person even though I work at night and I don't sleep much. Once a morning person always a morning person in my case. I think I like early morning because everybody else is still sleeping so I am really not missing anything if I use morning for "me time."

Why am I so fascinated with Jesse James? I have always been ever since I can remember. That was more of a rhetorical question but if you have an answer that would be helpful.

Have a great day. Thanks a lot for spending a few times reading my brain...sorry if it scares you. Imagine how I feel having this junk rattling around in that chasm. TTTT (I will let you know later when the podcast is ready of I can get that done today)...MITM (out to be awake  and awake and awake...) TA!

Sometimes We Need to be Clint Eastwoodish!

I just woke up at about 4PM so now I will be up all night. It's usually good because I work nights but then on the nights that I am off I would like to be a regular human. Maybe on my "weekends" I should go hangout at a casino. I think I am more tired than usual today because after work this morning I took Fabio to school, went to get my third and final Hepatitis B shot; it's a requirement for my job. The first was in March and the second in April and the last one was set for September so now I guess I will not bet Hepatitis. Now I can deal with the bodily fluids I have to deal with occasionally without impunity. I am not really sure if "impunity" is the proper word there but how often to you get to use that word even if it's only close to fitting? I wonder if I can get any of the other Hepatiti? Spell-check seems to think that Hepatiti isn't a word but I bet it is...Hepatitises doesn't seem to be correct. Nope, Spell-check doesn't like that one either.

I have always liked Clint Eastwood's films but I am starting to think that maybe he isn't as good of an actor as I had once believed. What do most of his characters have in common? They are: socially awkward, they are crabby or mean, they don't care about anybody but themselves (mostly)... Gran Torino, Million Dollar Baby, In the Line of Fire, Heartbreak Ridge, Every Which Way But Loose, The Outlaw Josie Wales, all of the Dirty Harry films, Play Misty for Me... I thought of that because I saw a trailer for his new film, Trouble with the Curve, and he looks like the same old crabby dude. Maybe that is why he hangs out with an empty chair.

The NFL Referees Association, the referees' union, is getting it easier and easier in their negotiations with the NFL the longer the replacement referees are working. They are blowing call after call after call and everybody is starting to appreciate how good the regular referees are. **Penalty for ending a sentence with a preposition... five line penalty enforced at the end of the blog**

Actual photo posted on our neighborhood Facebook page

I just went outside and shot some baskets with Fabio. After we were done I went and got the mail and saw that we had a letter from our homeowners association. It was about an upcoming meeting and included an agenda and a proxy vote sheet if we want somebody to vote for us. I don't really care what they do. I am gonna do whatever I want anyway. Why do we have to have "big brother" everywhere? Can't people just live their lives? We have more and more signs popping-up in the subdivision that say "for sale" or "new reduced price" or "foreclosure"... Our subdivision has a Facebook page and people go on post things like showing photos of people's yards with weeds in them... and ask "who do I speak to about this?" How about go the people at that house and talk to them about it? I wrote that on the site and the response was, "maybe I will try that." I thought I was kidding when I said (because being a smart-ass is one of my best features) that but they didn't even talk to the homeowners before thinking about going to our city's "code enforcement department." Maybe go out in the MIDDLE of the night and pull the weeds in a black Ninja outfit. Do it on Halloween and say it must have been some wacky kids. I wouldn't mind living next to a weedy yard...it would make my yard look that much better. Be more like Clint Eastwood sometimes! Stop short of the Magnum Force though!

Cha Cha will be home soon and we need to do dinner and record a podcast so I have to finish for today. I will probably blog tomorrow. Tomorrow night we are going to a movie because I cannot pass up free admission and $100 gift certificate for Morton's that both expire next week. Have a great night. Thanks for stopping by and remember to come back tomorrow...you never know if I might blog something worth reading ...it does happen occasionally, I swear! TTTT...MITM (vapor)

Who Wrote Today's Blog? Nobody!!!!

Why do we reward the weirdos in our society by putting them on television? Doesn't it reinforce and reward their bad behavior? Snooky and Honey Boo and hoarders and The Real Wives of Bug Tussle... There was even a Reality feature in last night;s Primetime Emmy Awards. The presenters made a joke (though it didn't seem like a joke) and gave the score of the Sunday Night Football game before announcing the winner of the reality Emmy (the Ravens beat the Patriots 31-30 and The Amazing Race won for reality show). I say that about the reality shows but I watch several now that I think about it. I watch Survivor and The Amazing Race regularly and Dog The Bounty Hunter, Duck Dynasty, Storage Wars and quite a few others on a time-to-time basis as it turns out...I am part of the problem!!!!!

The next James Bond film. Skyfall. begins November 9th. I have never really been much of a James Bond fan until recently mainly because it always seemed a little hokey to me. I had always felt that Bond films should have been more spy stuff and less nonsense and gadgets and that's what happened with the addition of Daniel Craig as 007. I feel that he is easily the best James Bond of all time and I now consider myself a James Bond fan as of Casino Royale (not the Peter Sellers one though that one was okay, but a spoof, too). Have you ever seen The Spy Who Knew Too Little? If you get a chance to see that one check it out...it stars Bill Murray as a bumbling idiot that stumbles into good things by accident (maybe I like it because I can relate).
A stranger asked me the other night, "Platoon or Full Metal Jacket?" It was a very odd question from a perfect stranger and I was a little on-guard after he asked me that thinking to myself, "Self, is this the day you will die?" but I answered, "that's an easy one...Full Metal Jacket!" Joker and Gomer Pyle / Lawrence of Arabia and Gunnery Sgt. Hartman! Those were all great characters. Great movie but weird question coming out of nowhere from a stranger. Me love it long time!!!

Where did the term "perfect stranger" come from? How can you know someone is perfect especially if they're a stranger? I thought nobody was perfect. I have always wanted to change my name to Matt Nobody so when somebody said, "nobody's perfect" I could say either "thank you" or "yes, I am."

I am tired...I think I am tired a lot. I think I even dream that I tired when I am sleeping. Is it even possible to be tired while you're sleeping or am I the only one? Have you ever slept in your dreams? I don't think I have but if I am tired in my dreams how come I don't sleep? And then, if I woke up in my dreams, would I really be awake or just dreaming that I was awake?

I believe that is my queue that I am done. Thanks a lot for letting me get some of that out of my system. Have a great Monnight...thank goodness it's Friday! TTTT...MITM (tired and confused and maybe even dreaming) TA!

Happy Hispanic Alzheimer's Awareness Month Day!

I just woke up and I am ready for a nap. I actually will take a nap in a couple of hours before I go to work.

I even got the name wrong

Today is national Alzheimer's Awareness Day; that seems kind of cruel to me. It's also Hispanic Heritage Month (September 15 - October 15). It's a special time if you're Hispanic with Alzheimer's. I am having a very hard time not making fun because I am sure people who have loved ones with Alzheimer's disease have a difficult time of it but for the people who have the disease it has to be kind of nice even though they don't know it. How refreshing would it be to be able to do or say whatever you wanted and people wouldn't get mad at you? How great would it be to not to have to worry about anything? If I get Alzheimer's do not feel sorry for me. The thing I would hate about it would be when people called it Old-Timers or All-Timers... Cha Cha's mom called it Elm Heimers. That's cruel naming a disease that is about mental breakdown something that even many people with 80% of their faculties cannot pronounce. They say memory-loss is one of the early signs of the disease but that makes it tricky because that's one of the first signs of old-age too. I am not really sure if I am getting old or I have Elm Heimers (maybe Old-Timers makes the most sense);maybe I have both? Alzheimer's was named for Dr. Alois Alzheimer who "discovered" it in 1906. It would have been better to call it Alois Disease. Many people cannot even pronounce my last name (Helser) so how do we expect them to pronounce Alzheimer?

The Prime-Time Emmy Awards are tonight. It's awesome that we can honor people who make millions of dollars doing something that they love to do. Is it just me or is this ridiculous? I think I have made it abundantly clear over the blogging years that award shows and all-star games and the like for people who get their butts kissed every day of their lives are crazy. I have railed on this many times so I will just leave it at that. I hope Breaking Amish wins something! Not really, I have never seen the show but the title cracks me up.

Maybe I was better-off not blogging today...I appear to be in some kind of a mood that I was unaware I was in until I started blogging. Maybe I have Blogheimer's.

What is the definition to the word "emergency" to you? When would you call 911? Obvious things like: someone requiring immediate medical attention, someone trying to break into your home, a missing family member, a fire... A 56-year-old man in Florida must have thought he was dying of thirst because he called 911 because his daughter wouldn't get him a beer. When the police arrived he changed his story and told the police officers that his daughter was hitting him and throwing stuff at him and using drugs. Smart daughter had recorded the entire conversation on her mobile phone and none of that happened and the man was arrested. Now he'll have to ask a guard if he wants a beer.

I have to go play Risk with Fabio. He played it at a party last night and he likes the game. He was surprised when he told me about it and I said, "I think we have the game on the game shelf downstairs" and he went down and there it was! It is a LONG game but I told him I have to take a nap so we are gonna start and play for awhile but it takes as long as Monopoly so we will leave it set up and continue it later. I will probably play for an hour-and-a-half or so.

Thanks for stopping by and if you have a loved-one who has Alzheimer's I am sorry if I offended you but I sincerely think that they are not suffering if they don't know what is going on...I mean no disrespect. At least I made it "aware" on "awareness day." TTTT..MITM (out to take over the world in RISK) Ta!

I Fought the Tree and the Tree Won!

I just got done mowing the lawn for probably the last time this year while engaging in hand-to-hand combat; more like arm-to-branch combat. Let's just say that I am bleeding a great deal and the tree that too the first punch is still standing swaying in the breeze looking in the window laughing at me. It's the better person/tree who could easily go out there and end his life with about an hour of sawing turns the other scratched-up bleeding arm.

While I was mowing I was listening to Pandora. I love Pandora as you know if you listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast. If you haven't checked it out you need to check out Pandora is you like music. It's free or you can pay if you want to eliminate the occasional commercial. I am cheap and if I can get it free I will. I began listening to my AC/DC station and then that station played a Van Halen song so I quickly added a Van Halen station while still mowing. It was funny because right after Hot For Teacher the station played For Those About To Rock (We Salute You) by AC/DC. That's what I love about it...it knows what you like and customizes your stations based on your likes. You know, Eddie Van Halen is always called a great guitar player but Alex Van Halen is a pretty good drummer too. I think I heard that when they began playing music Alex played guitar and Eddie was a drummer. I think I heard that or I imagined it or something.

I am glad that trees are not made of steel and can not rust because I think if they were I would need a tetanus shot. What can you get from a cut from a tree? Dutch Elm Disease or Aphids or something?

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Rises

I just got an email that said the Apple IPhone 5 is available. I will wait until next year until I can get the 6,7,8,9,10 or 11. Not really, I am tired of them trying to tell us what we need. I have what I need and I don't need a new one. I am waiting for the day that we decide to go back to rotary phones because someone told us that is what we need now. Can you imagine a rotary cell phone?

I watched last week's Saturday Night Live on Hulu last night. I laughed so hard a few times that I actually had tears running down my cheeks. I have great hopes for this new cast. I am not a big Seth MacFarlane fan but he was pretty funny. I must be one of the only people in the world who abhors Family Guy. I also never liked American Dad! He was writer on Johnny Bravo though which I thought was very funny. Tonight the guest host on SNL if Joseph Gordon-Levitt; he's a good actor and he is getting a lot of work right now including Dark Knight Rises.

I hear outside a lawnmower humming. I think I guilted someone else into mowing their yard or a wife/mother to yell at her son/husband into mowing. Hey isn't today the start of Autumn? I love Autumn. I even like the term Autumnal Equinox. Fall is my favorite season I believe. Spring is pretty good too. It may be a tie.

Have a super Wedsnight Saturnight and enjoy the equinox (isn't that a great word?) I appreciate you mucho. Mucho Appreciado!!! I don't know if I will blog tomorrow but even if I don't I will be blogging in my mind. TTT????...MITM OUT! Ta!

Wouldn't You Like to be a Blogger Too?

Maybe the only time you will see this ad.

I am so tired of the hyper-sensitivity in America. The reason this comes to my mind is because of a new advertisement (now pulled due to supposed controversy) by Dr. Pepper. Nobody ever has a problem with cartoon animals or produce or usually inanimate objects like spatulas or oven mitts talking and hawking goods but an ad showing the theory of evolution is unacceptable. Shouldn't the problem be with sugary-drinks that have helped to make obesity in America so prevalent instead? In the ad all three figures are well-proportioned and it would have been more believable if they had been a little heavier. Maybe these figures were supposed to be used in the Diet Dr. Pepper advertisement? There are so many untruths in advertising yet this simple photo has caused such fervor.  That makes me think of the "wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too" commercials from the 1970's or 80's. Was that realistic with a huge crowd of people following a dude down the streets of New York City singing and dancing and all getting along more real? Also, I believe in evolution but I am still open to the other theories too. Couldn't it be possible that there are bits and pieces of each theory mixed to make up a truth that we aren't even aware of yet? Now we are hearing that maybe Jesus was married and did you know Adam was married before he was married to Eve? We don't really know much at all as it turns out.

I am still stuffed-up (nasally that is) and I think it is actually me being sick rather than allergies. It's probably due to the weather change and the early fall-like temperatures but whatever. I will get the cold out of the way early and then I can enjoy the sub-zero temperatures of the inter in full wellness.

Cold, rainy weather = meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner. I already made the mashed potatoes but then I scooped them into one of those Pampered Chef baking stone pan dealies and threw them into the oven. Cha Cha likes them crusty, which is why she likes me more and more every day. I sprayed the top with canola oil so they get crustier still. Then, at the end, I will turn the broiler on for a little to get the top golden brown. Can you tell I am hungry? I hope it gets done soon because Fabio just came down at 5:15 and said he was going to the high school football game a little after 6:00PM. And, guess who gets to drive him? Winner, winner meatloaf dinner! I sure am talking about meat a lot for a Pescaterian. I wonder how he is going to get home since I will be at work? He doesn't like his friends to see him in the Fiat by his friends so he probably doesn't want Cha Cha to pick him up. It's odd because the girls all love the car and then they talk to him a lot...he hates any kind of attention; I hope he gets over that by the time he is in the NBA (I know that probably won't really happen but if it does I will sound really wise except the part where I wrote "that probably won't happen" and then I won't...).

Cold weather comfort food

I have to wrap up because the timer is beeping and I have to get Fabio fed and to the football game. Have a great Frinight (makes sense that they have Friday fish fry's but maybe they should call them Fish Fri's? - free marketing tip to you Friday fish servers.) I may blog tomorrow because tomorrow is only my Wednesday...it really doesn't feel like Tuesday morning right now does it? Thank you for taking the time you took with me...mucho appreciado! TTTT (82.3%)....MITM (loafing out)!