Just the blogs please!

"Just the blogs ma'am!"

Blog Blog BlogBlog...Blog Blog BlogBlog BLOOOOOOOOOG! (Harry Morgan isn't even in this one)
Hi again friend. I am happy that you are back.

I was sad to see that Harry Morgan died. Most of us MIDDLERs remember him as Colonel Sherman T. Potter on M.A.S.H. or as the not so lovable Major General Bartford Hamilton Steele on M.A.S.H.. I remember thinking that Henry Blake would be impossible to replace but Colonel Potter was great. I also remember him from when I was a kid as Bill Gannon on Dragnet who was sorta played by Tom Hanks in the movie Dragnet though his name was Pep Streebeck or something like that. Harry Morgan seemed like a pretty nice guy. I am always shocked when certain people die and I say to myself..."hey self, didn't you think that Harry Morgan was already dead?" And I answer to myself..."yes, other self I thought he was already dead." We're both so stupid some times.

Blogo Blago, former Illinois Governor Rodney Allen Blagojevich, I don't know what his real MIDDLE name is but I liked Rodney Allen Rippy, was sentenced to 14 years in prison of which he is to serve 12 for pretty much using his former position for personal gain. We Illinoisans don't have a very good track record for electing Governors.

Romney shows he is most qualified among his party-mates

I heard more about The Celebrity Apprentice Republican Debate hosted by Blagojevich's fellow Hairclub For Men drop-out Donald Trump. Supposedly after the "debate" is over Trump will decide who to back in the primary election and if he deems none of them worthy of his support he will announce his candidacy for President as an independent. Boy...I sure cannot imagine how this is gonna end. The rest of the world must just laugh at us with our governors and political candidates and wanna-be's. I laugh at us and I live here. It sounds to me like maybe there is another season of The Apprentice or one of the many off-shoots of that show just around the corner. If there is a new season coming I bet that there is a commercial during this train wreck.

As predicted here (I think yesterday) WGN Morning News had some of the child cast members of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on their show this morning. The person who interviewed them, Anna Billibong Bellaballs Beat Up Balls Bang a Gong Belaval, had only seen the movie for the first time like two years ago and didn't know what the Helser she was talking about. Another train wreck. I am in a pretty ornery mood today though I didn't think I was until I started typing. How does anyone over the age of 15 not know all about this film?

Did you see the new movie coming out called New Year's Day? I think it has every living film star who ever made a movie in it. Has one of these types of movies ever worked? It's like The Love Boat or Fantasy Island of films. Why don't they just make one of those movies with all of these people instead? Whenever they make one of these film Hindenburgs they seem to be named after a holiday or an event like Take Your Daughter to Work Day or Sweetest Day: The Motion Picture. Ground Hog Day and Halloween worked but they weren't one of these mega-casts. I will not see this film and if you see it be sure to not tell me how it was or if you must come on the Dirty Laundry Podcast and tell us...I will tell you already so we can all save our money - it's stinks!

The Douche and Duchess!

This just in....Jesse James is a douche. I am not sure about the bank robber cowboy one but I know the motorcycle welder one is a douche. How can anybody say anything negative about Sandra Bullock? I still wonder what they did with their avocado farm.

I have some things to get done including getting some sleep - just like I imagine you do. Thank you for stopping in as I always appreciate you so much. Good luck to my buddy Brian on his test to regain his citizenship in Illinois. Speaking of buddies...if you wanna catch a photo of me smooching on a hot chick in public (damn paparazzi) check out my buddy Randy's I'm A Frayed Knott blog to read his restaurant review of Wildfire steakhouse in Chicago. There's also a terrific link for another blog that I know you will like on his blog. Behave yourself Have fun today...oh yeah HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAIRY GODDAUGHTER CAPTAIN MORGAN TODAY! (she's not really a fairy but it sounds pretty cool I think). TTTT...MITM (out and out). TA!

The hall of fame blog that will live in infamy!

What station do you suppose this will be on today?

It's Pearl Harbor Day. That was the day in 1941 that Japan "woke the sleeping giant." A day that will live in infamy. Though many Americans lost their lives that 70 years ago today as the Japanese bombed our unsuspecting ships those lives were not in vein. No one knows how World War II might have ended had The United States of America not had our snooze alarm broken that day and we had not entered that war. Would Adolph Hitler have been able to wipe out millions more "non-Aryan" people? Would some of us not exist because some of our ancestors may have been killed in concentration camps? It is often thought of a day of sadness but I think it should just be more of a day of reflection and thankfulness to those people who gave their lives that day so possibly millions more families could go on. This is the day that I usually splash down one or two kamikazes!

I heard that the Chicago Cubs' Ron Santo finally got elected into the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame the year after he died. This man was campaigning to be in the Hall of Fame pretty much ever since he retired from baseball. As you know I am not much of a Cubs' fan but I always thought Ron Santo was a pretty good player and a great ambassador for the game of baseball. I pretty much always thought he should have been in the HOF. I just think it shows what a bunch of assholes these former players who vote for inductees are that they wait until a guy dies to elect him to the ultimate honor of a former player right after he is gone and cannot enjoy the honor. I love baseball but I hate assholes like Joe Morgan even though I was a huge Joe Morgan fan as a kid. He was the one who I recall being most vocal about Santo not deserving to be elected into The Hall. Congrats to Santo's family...and Ron's memory.

R & R HOF looks like The Injustice League!

This must he my Hall of Fame blog today. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced this year's inductees into the HOF. Red Hot Chili Peppers made the cut, The Small Faces/The Faces (Rod Stewart's original band), 1960's pop singer Laura Nyro and 1960's singer Hurdy Gurdy Mellow Yellow Donovan and also The Beastie Boys also will be inducted. I am not going to argue any one of these groups mainly because halls of fame are really ridiculous anyway but WHAT ABOUT KISS???? How does Rock and Roll all Night not scream Hall of Fame? I know I asked this last year and I will probably be asking again next year. Maybe the year after one of them dies they'll get in!

Last night at work some dude was standing there and broke wind and just stood there like nothing ever happened listening to his iPod. I imagine it was something very engaging like Dirty Laundry Podcast and he didn't even realize he blew a beauty. After he left I asked the only other person who was in the area if she had heard anything strange and she laughed and said, "yeah, how does he do that and have no reaction?" It reminds me of the ancient proverb - "if a man farts in the woods and nobody says anything did he really fart?"

It's just a simple truth of snowman "life"

I have plenty more to blog about but I have lots to do before I try to get some sleep for my next round at work. I cleaned the garage out entirely yesterday so it's now able to hold 1 1/2 vehicles which is what we have (the Fiat is like 1/2 a vehicle). Today I have to get the Christmas lights up on the outside and get the snow blower running so the snowmen are happy. Get your minds out of the frozen gutter....if the snow blower is running that means the snow is still around and the snowmen will live longer....geez! There is still a little more I need to do to get the yard ready for the winter too. Then, somewhere in there, I have to figure out dinner for tonight - maybe a roast becasue they kinda cook themselves. I decided that I will make Christmas cookies again this year after a two-year hiatus... that will be Monday and Tuesday on two of my three days off this week.

Have a great day today. I thank you for being here again - if I forget to thank you once in awhile please know that I am always thankful even if I am forgetful and seemingly unappreciative sometimes. TTTT...MITM (out to make our yardmases more bright!!!!) TA!

I've Got a Golden Twinkle in My Blog!

Last night I got to go down to Morris, Illinois and watch Fabio's basketball team play against Morris High School. I was very disappointed to discover that they are the Morris Redskins. I feel they should be lions or tigers or panthers or pumas or something along those lines. Don't you think The Morris Cats would be better than being named after a kind of a potato? 

Ho do you suppose Morris the Cat would do in a Presidential debate hosted and moderated by Donald Trump? That seems like the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Okay...not THE MOST ridiculous thing I have ever heard but pretty ridiculous. Doesn't "The Donald" realize he's a goof? Worse yet doesn't an entire political party of The United States of America realize he's a goof? The way the Republican party looks I believe that Morris the Cat could easily win the GOP spot if he showed up. I didn't even know that GOP meant the Grand Old Party until this year. I never really gave it much thought I guess but I kinda always thought it was the Greedy Old Party or the Goofy Old Party or the Geriatric Old Party though that one is kind of redundant. I have nothing for one party over the other but all of these candidates are buffoons. I am a person who just selects a candidate by what they stand for and what I feel they can do for our country. Unfortunately Can Do and Do Do and not always the same things. Maybe DoDo is actually what they do do. I just don't understand selecting a candidate just because he/she is in a specific group.

In case you didn't know the new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up on iTunes (search "Dirty Laundry Podcast") and at Podomatic (you can click that blue link back there if you're interested).

I have to work this weekend but I still may try to go early to an event at Hollywood Palms Theater in Naperville, IL Saturday. It's the 40th anniversary of the film Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory and they are having some special showings. Hosting the event are: Charlie Bucket, Violet Beauregard, Augustus Gluck, Mike TeeVee and Veruka Salt (not the musical group). All five of the actors that played the children that found the Golden Tickets are going to be there. Now that I think about it why do I want to go? I guess it's because I love pop-culture and what's more pop-culture than Willie Wonka? (maybe Morris The Cat) It's been "pop" for 40 years. I have never seen it on "the big screen" while eating nachos and having a mai tai before going to work. If Gene Wilder were gonna be there I would go for sure. How about an Oompa Loompa? I would definitely go if everyone attending received a Golden Ticket "suitable for framing!" Am I the only one who thinks that Grandpa Joe was a lazy bastard for being totally capable to walk and getting a job to maybe help his impoverished family and he just laid in his big orgy bed with Grandma Josephine and Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina? After all of these 40 years I have just now realized that the real star of that film was Wonka's Golden Ticket (TWSS). How much do you wanna bet WGN TV (the morning news) copies this for a feature on their show this week?

Have you ever tried to figure out which of the five Golden Ticket winners you are? I cannot believe nobody has thought of that for one of those stupid The Facebook polls or apps or whatever they're called. Or which Gilligan's Island castaway you are. I believe I am mostly Charlie Bucket with a bit of Mike TeeVee sprinkled in there. As far as Gilligan's Island I would say that I am pretty much Gilligan with a touch of Mary Ann (don't I wish). It would be nice if I could feel like Thurston Howell III some day.

My new job is having a Christmas party this Thursday (or do we have to call them holiday parties still?). That's not worded correctly but you get my snow drift. Being new and going to a Christmas party is gonna make me feel like a turd in a punch bowl I think. Fortunately, I am not the only one who is new so hopefully that will make it not so awkward.

I hope you have a great day today; I hope it's a Golden Ticket day. Thank you for continuing to stop here and for listening to the podcast - you cannot know how much I appreciate it. I am going to try to go this whole day without embarrassing myself - I bet I make it until at least noon. TTTT...MITM (out to find the sixth and final Golden Ticket...what do you mean there are only five?) TA!

"MITM Reader Rewards Cards" Not Required!

Add 5 minutes for inflation

It's been a long time since I blogged this early. Remember when I was going through the phase of waking up at 3:00AM? Well, it turns out that being up that early must have been my body or my spirit guides or coincidence or whatever you believe in predicting that I would find a night job and it was training me ahead of time. So, I was off yesterday and today and I am up anyway and I have run out of things to do without waking up the rest of the family or the entire neighborhood so I will blog...I am so glad that you are always here for me.

I just got back from grocery shopping. I don't shop at the big stores much anymore but they are the only ones open 24 hours so I went to Super Wal-Mart just now. I know I have referenced this movie many times (both in Charlton Heston and Will Smith form though his was called I, Legend) but going to Super Wal-Mart at 2:00 AM om a Monday morning is like being The Omega Man. The store has about 8 entire rows of shelves from the floor to about 7 feet up that are normally filled with bread but all the shelves were bare. I wasn't sure if I was Old Mother Hubbard or The Three Bears when they came home and found some little toe-headed brat ransacked their house. And then the workers are roaming around like zombies and occasionally one will be dancing or something and then they see you and scamper off. There were no other cars on the road either so maybe the apocalypse did occur and I am just not aware yet. If so...and you are reading this just know that there is at least one other human alive and if you are female and can reverse a vasectomy we should start repopulating the planet now (TMI?). 

Herman Cain "suspended" his presidential campaign. Talk about a filibuster...that should have been done months ago!

I think Bill O'Reilly must read this blog. In case you are not aware of who he is he has a political show called The O'Reilly Factor on the Fox network. I have never seen it but I am aware of it. In November 26th's blog, after seeing Lady Ga Ga on her Thanksgiving special I questioned when her 20 minutes would be up. I read in this past Saturday's paper that Bill O'Reilly is wondering if Ga Ga  "jumped the shark." Just because I used Andy Warhol's 15 minutes of fame theory (adding 5 minutes for time since his theory) and you used The Fonz's theory of fame does not fool be Mr. O'Reilly. At least when I steal other people's theories I give them credit. I will be looking for a written apology soon!

Enough Already!!!! The rewards suck!

Remember a while back I asked about manufacturers' warranties? My buddy Brian mentioned that the reason he thought, as was one of my thoughts, is because not many people will mail in the warranties. The new thing that is bugging me (it's not that new of a thing but everybody seems to be doing it now) is the stupid rewards cards where you can get an extra whatever percent off if you have their card. There are local grocery stores here that do it. One even lets you builds "points' toward getting free gas at a Mobil gas station....I cannot even think of where we have a Mobil gas station in our town. I saw a commercial where Target now has a Target Red Card so you can get 5% extra savings. Just lower your prices by 5%!!!! I know you want my information so you can profile me and sell my name and address and habits to someone else so I can get a bunch more emails and my mailbox can be littered with all of the junk mail but I would rater A) pay the extra 5% or B) shop somewhere else!!! Man I am crabby this early on a Monday morning.

As long as I am talking about saving money, sort of, where did the whole "it's unlucky to pick up a penny if it isn't heads up" thing come from? I prefer tails up anyway I think. And why does it only apply to pennies? Do other countries have the same superstitions? It's okay to pick up a toonie heads up but bad luck to pick up a loonie heads up? I guarantee one thing (one loonie thing for my Canadian friends) if I see a $100 bill on the ground I don't care if it's heads up, heads down or inside out I am picking it up. Isn't it always good luck to find money no matter which way it is faced?

Why are "practical jokes" called "practical?" Aren't all jokes kind of impractical just by nature?

In the same paper that I read about Bill O'Reilly stealing from me I read that in Rahway, New Jersey the local fire department was called to the hospital (Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital if you need verification) to try to help get a flying squirrel out of a hospital emergency room. The squirrel kept "launching" itself from an 8-foot-high wall mounted lamp into a glass wall after getting trapped in the room. Firefighters threw a blanket over the squirrel and let it loose in the forest. My first question, which the story never talked about, was why was Bullwinkle in the hospital. My second question was when firemen let the squirrel go in the forest do you think one of them said, "watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat" and the other one asked, "again?"

Okay, you can probably see that I am feeling a little better since I rambled on like I do when I feel good. Thank you for stopping by, as always. Last night Cha Cha and I recorded most of this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast with a couple of in-Kajunkles-studio guests and I should probably have it edited today and up. I will let you know when it's ready...probably the quickest ways to knwo when it's ready is to "like" us on Facebook. Don't worry...you don't need a rewards card and we will never sell or give your info to anybody else (except maybe your comments on the podcast). Thanks again. TTTT...MITM (feeling better but still out)

A Blog Time Ago in a Travesty Far Far Away!

That's a peach hon! Oh baby, I'm hot tonight!

For crying out loud it's Friday already. I am sorry that my blogging has been inconsistent this week but this cold/influenza/kooties has been knocking the crap outta me. I have been sleeping almost all day long so I wouldn't miss work at night and so I could be my usual jovial, friendly. kind self and I think I am over the hump and doing much better. Thank you for all of you who expressed your concerns - I am doing much better. It was only kooties but man, it took a lot outta me. That'll teach me not to cross my fingers when I touch somebody with kooties1

I have been so sick and tired since I posted the most recent episode of Dirty Laundry Podcast that I haven't even downloaded the show yet - have you? At least 60 of you have so I thank you very much for that. I have not been able to figure out how many actually download it from iTunes but that may be included in the ones on Podomatic? I think we recorded this one while I was just starting to come down with my cold but I am fairly certain that you cannot get my germs via the podcast but I am working on that technology! Let me know if the show is good before I decide whether to download it or not.

I read where a dude from Atlanta just won $1 Million on an instant lottery ticket. That is fabulous but the same guy won $1 Million in 2008 too. This is one lucky guy - maybe he should play the lottery!!!

Rumors that Demi Moore and I are dating are not true. I am not going to say that she hasn't tried to call me but if that were true I would not take her calls and/or return her calls from any messages that she may or may have not left me. No MATTer what you hear to that effect affect effect affect are not true!

I am seriously thinking about becoming an owner of the Green Bay Packers. In case you do not know this - the Green Bay Packers are publicly owned and they have just put up another 250,000 shares for sale beginning Tuesday. Each share is $250. They are not like regular shares of stock as the value doesn't go up and there are no dividends and they have pretty much no resale value. Stockholders get voting rights and invitations to attend annual meetings where they can meet Packers executives, tour the Packers Hall of Fame and stick around for the kickoff of training camp. I just think it would be cool to actually be an NFL team owner but I probably won't do it when all is said and done but if it were the St. Louis Cardinals I would do it in a heartbeat! I think I would like to see a football game in Green Bay sometime though.

Isn't space big enough for everyone to get along?

Did you hear that Captain James Tiberius Kirk and Princess Leia Organa are fighting? William Shatner started the feud a long time ago in a galaxy....well it was in this galaxy on this planet I guess...when he said that Star Trek was better than Star Wars. Carrie Fisher then aimed her phasers at Shatner saying that she wanted to battle it out with her in her Star Wars bikini and him in original Star Trek suits though she doubted that he'd be able to fit into his original outfits. Here is his video rebuttal. I think it may be a goof so morons would mention their old shows on podcasts and blogs and the like but nobody other than somebody as dumb as Jar Jar Binks would fall for that old Vulcan mind trick!

I believe that I am done for the day because I am still a little sick and it is time for me to sleep. I will probably blog again sometime this weekend to make up for the several days I didn't blog this week because if someone has nothing to say he had darn well better say it! Thanks again for stopping in here and for listening to the podcast. Matt In The Middle and Dirty Laundry Podcast are both on The Facebook so come on over and "like" us because we "like" you. TTT?....MITM (counting sheep) BA!

Short and Snotty!

It's Wednesday already and it's the first time I am blogging since Saturday.  I have been sick the last couple of days and we did the podcast Monday. I lost all of yesterday. I have been doing Nyquil  in the day and Dayquil at night because I am just the opposite of most people. I am editing the Dirty Laundry Podcast right now while I write this and the podcast should be up very soon today.

I have not been sick in the last three years and now I am very sick. I don't do the flu shots because that whole deal seems ridiculous to me for many reasons and it has worked for me. I will get better soon and it isn't bad enough to keep me from work so Kay Sarah Sarah!

I heard that the Chicago Cubs are now interested in Albert Pujols and Prince Fielder. Why would they not be interested in great hitters? Maybe because Pujols wants like S30 million per year for 25 years or something like that. I cannot imagine that the St. Louis Cardinals would let Pujols go and the talk on the Chicago talk-radio shows is that the Cubs may be just trying to drive the price for Pujols up for the Cardinals. Since the new Cubs manager is from the Milwaukee Brewers and Fielder is a Brewer Prince Fielder will become a Chicago Cub. I base this merely on a hunch but I am normally The Hunchmatt of All-things Lame so remember you read it here first!

I cannot stop coughing and sniffling...ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I think I am going to wrap this up because it's not doing either of us any good and I have to get some sleep so I can get better and because I haven't slept since yesterday afternoon and I have to work again later.  I will attempt to do a proper blog tomorrow but I just wanted you to know that even though I am sick I am still alive...thanks for stopping in and for the concern I imagine you have )if I'm wrong don't tell me). TTTT...MITM (Nyquiling out)

The Weekend Blog of the Century!!!!

It's Saturday morning at 2:27AM I promised you that I was going to write this blog Friday and even though I missed that by a mere two hours and 27 minutes I apologize for my miscalculations in both time and the ability to handle my obstacles of: work, lack of sleep, high school basketball tournament, wife out of town and it being Black Friday. I am, however, writing this on paper win an Inc. Trio3 pen rather on a keyboard to try to make amends (I am obviously retyping it write now because my printing, though very neat, is not quite this neat).

I guess the Black Friday thing worked nicely for Fabio's basketball team. Their school colors are black and orange and they won all three games they played yesterday to start their freshman basketball experiences off with a 3-0 record. They have two more games this morning so thank goodness it's Orange Saturday!Some call it Small Business Saturday but I know it's really Orange Saturday.

The last game of the day yesterday Fabio's team played our cross cornfield rivals the Sycamore Spartans - like a Spartan would ever have a chance against a Barb! Anywho... I was very proud in so many ways to watch that last game. Firstly, even though the boys from both teams played very hard, there was no dirty play. Actually that should have been "firstly" since I thought of something that I noticed before the aforementioned "firstly." while the boys were doing their pre-game warm-ups I saw that Sycamore has a boy on their team, #51, who apparently to me had Downs Syndrome. I don't know if it is Downs Syndrome but it was a look that I have known to associate with Downs syndrome (I hope that doesn't sound insensitive but you know me well enough to know that I am not a stereo-typer nor prejudice in any way nor mean-spirited nor mean-hearted). I was very impressed by Sycamore for their choice of players on their team. The game commenced and before long DeKalb had over doubled the score of Sycamore. This is usually the time, near the end of these games, where coaches put in players that don't usually get much playing time which is what Sycamore did.  As the subs ran onto the court their players "matched-up" with our players. #51 went right for good old #10 (#10 in your programs but #1 in your hearts) Fabio. It was clearly a man-to-man mismatch as #51 was about 5'5' tall and Fabio is about 5' 11 3/4" tall. There was a stop in the action and Fabio's coach called him over and quietly said something to him. The game concluded shortly thereafter with very little, if any, further scoring. After the game, on the way home, I asked the Fabio, "did the coach tell you to let the boy you were matched up score?" Fabio told me that he was told to let #51 get the ball if it came that way but that he was going to do that anyway. I was pretty sure that was going to be the answer as I know that to be true of Fabio's nature. I am very proud of both of our children not merely because of their athletic and scholastic achievements but more for their generosity and kindness and compassion and awareness and selflessness at times when it counts. Many things will fade over years but a person's character doesn't fade. I was also very proud of Fabio's young basketball coach for helping to help cement these actions.

Remember a few blogs ago how I wrote "why an I here?" I think I have figured it out and I am reminded over and over again when I see Fabio and Splenda grow into people I am proud to know even more so when I hope that I may have had a small part in that miracle and in a very small way making the world a better place to live.

Here is a video clip that I took of Black Friday shopping lines at Wal-Mart and Best Buy.

I saw an advertisement for Carson's (Carson's is a department store for you not familiar) that had "sports throws" for sale for $19.97. The photo shows these kind of picnic blankets of two sports teams and I am trying to figure out the thought-process in the advertisement. The teams pictured are the Milwaukee Brewers (perfectly good choice though I would have gone with the Cardinals, of course) and the Penn State Nittany Lions (I am not kidding). I think this scandal may have just stretched itself to Carson's.

While we're on shopping and such what's the deal with manufacturers' rebates? It is probably very apparent to some of you but why, if I am going to get $100 back after I send in a coupon along with a copy of my receipt and whatever other volumes of stuff that they need, can't the store just take the $100 off the item and send for the rebate? I am sure that it is to do with something like getting my information to sell to someone else so i get a bunch of junk emails and snail mail. Or is it that they hope that I will never send it in and then it's my fault I didn't get the $100 back? I call shenanigans!

When is Lady Ga Ga's 20 minutes gonna be up? Soon I hope.

I read that there is an above average snowfall predicted for the MIDDLEwest this winter. Based on the prediction I hope last year had WAY ABOVE snowfall so that by comparison this winter's snowfall will see low even though its' above average on a whole.

I know this blog is longer than usual (TWSS) but it is a Friday/Saturday combo platter. Thanks a lot for stopping by. I am now off to get ready for a few more freshman basketball games this morning and then back here to go to bed (I just got home from work again jiggity-jig). Have a great weekend and we will probably be recording the Dirty Laundry Podcast later tonight (I play on talking about a lot of these things here more on there - in greater detail). TTT?...MITM (dragging along) TA!