Oh George, Not the Livestock!

It looks like I will not be able to mow the backyard for yet another day. Yesterday I mowed the front but the back was still very wet. Now the sky is dark and, tut tut, it looks like rain. I have plenty to do inside the house so maybe this is the cosmos deciding my priorities for the day. The television just went all black except for the words telling me that it is searching for a signal on the satellite... Exhibit B for why I will be working indoors today.

I have been off of the medicine that supposedly controls my spells for about 24 hours (the doctor calls them seizures but I am still not sure if that is the appropriate term for them). The doctor calls them seizures but I call them sling blades. The definition of a seizure is, "a sudden attack of illness, especially a stroke or an epileptic fit." I guess there is a slimly vague similarity there. Mine are not all that sudden. I had been having some signs leading up to them but, when I was passing-out, that part did sneak-up on me.

Now it is raining like Hades outside. Some people call it Hell, I call it Hades. Maybe I will get done writing this and just go back to bed. I always think that but it rarely occurs.

While we were driving down and back from the bottom of our state last week I could not help thinking about the film O Brother, Where Art Thou. Not that most of the people we encountered were similar to most of the people in that movie but we passed herds of cattle (or cows if you prefer) over and over again. Every time we passed cows I said this line. I like cows so I didn't say the first part but the part about the livestock I said over and over. I think Cha Cha got tired of it so, by the end, I was just saying it to myself. I love that movie.

I am sad to say that I am almost out of Lara Bars and I am totally out of coconut water. I only have five more days left on the Whole30 diet. I have done very well on it. I lost a bit of weight at the beginning but that leveled-off. It is not a weight-loss diet so that was just a benefit I guess. I am not sure what I am supposed to do after my thirty-day sentence is up; I didn't get that far in the book. I suppose I should read that part pretty soon.

The upcoming Presidential election is already driving me crazy (just a quick drive to the store). There are so many wing-nuts (most of them right wing-nuts) coming out of the wood-work. I already have my vote narrowed-down to two people. I will tell you this - I would not vote for Donald Trump for all of his money, Hawaii having its name changed to The Matt Helser Islands and a guaranteed golden chair next to the holy ghost in Heaven. I suppose he just runs to hide some of his money inside of his political campaign. I cannot believe some of the things that come out of his head holes.

While we were staying in the cabin in Southern Illinois last week I had an incredible urge in the MIDDLE of the night to check outside. I had brought my flashlight with 100,000,000,000 candle power with me. I opened the door to the outside and shined the light to the open field surrounded by forest across the road from the cabin. I immediately saw a pair of eyes reflecting back at me at two o'clock. I scanned a bit to the left and saw another pair of eyes at 12:30 then another pair at 11:00 and another at 9:30. There were four deer lying in the field staring at the house. They were like sentinels watching over us. Or, they were just deer lying in the field across for the cabin and, when they heard a door open in the quiet night, they focused their stares on the sound and were greeted by a light that could challenge the sun. I like to believe they were guarding us. I made sure they were all deer because I didn't need a chupacabra stalking us all night long. The deer made me feel like I was in the Seven Dwarfs' cottage. I think I would probably b:e Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy or Dopey (or a combo therewith).  I guess it would have been shorter to say "any dwarf other than: Bashful, Sneezy and Doc." The deer were gone by morning. Some other cool things were: feeding the dozens and dozens of turtles in the lake and watching the frogs about half the size of a pinkie toe nail hop in the weeds. I cannot even count how many deer we saw through-out the weekend.

Getting the new tires for the Fiat today. Decided to go with Illini Tire. They are: the closest to home, their price was the lowest, the turn-around was quickest and the tires are Firestone tires rather than some no-name brand. Even someone as addle-brained as I could do that math. With all of the rain we are having of late I think treads on the tires with the wet roads might be a good idea. It is good that the decision came down to value, quality, convenience and safety. Things don't usually work-out that way.

I have some things to get done because tomorrow begins another week-and-a-half of medical fun. Thanks a lot for stopping-by. Try to stay relatively dry; most is okay but being drenched is not as much fun. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

Truth, Justice and the American Blog!

Cha Cha, Soup and Splenda

I cannot believe I blogged four days ago; it seems like so much longer ago than that. Being in southern Illinois for the past four days made it really difficult to blog as getting an internet connection down there was almost always impossible. Occasionally, I would have a signal and I could post a picture or comment on something. No wonder a lot of the people down there are so clueless.

We had a great time down there visiting with Splenda and Andy. The scenery is beautiful. The people are nice, for the most part. It was fun seeing the old college. We even went to Superman Fest in Metropolis. Nerdy hillbillies are something you don;t get to see too often. I love both nerds and hillbillies so I was just about in heaven. I was down there for my last two years of college and I never made it down to Superman's hometown. Had I known they had a casino in that town (Harrah's) I would have gone there long ago. I bet it wasn't there when I was at SIU. It is on the Ohio River so I think, like they did up here on the Fox River, I bet it was once a boat and then, when the laws eased-up a bit, it turned into a brick-and-mortar casino. We did not go to the casino, as I was the only one who wanted to, but I will probably get there eventually.

I was very happy that we were home last night to see The Chicago Blackhawks capture Lord Stanley's Cup. Fabio and I watched it together.

Not a great photo through the window and screen

I felt pretty well most of the time down south though I was tired a great deal of the time. My seizure medicine seemed to do well. I stopped taking it this morning, per doctor's orders after taking it for five days, as I have two more EEG's coming-up over the next couple of weeks and they want to be able to read my seizures (so I have to have seizures for them to read). I am assuming they will begin again tomorrow. Right before I started taking the seizure medicine I had 15 seizures in four days. I did not pass-out during any of them which is an improvement.

I just got done mowing the front yard. It seems like it rained the whole time we were gone. I cannot mow the back yet because it is still drenched back there. While I was checking to see if it was mowable I saw three baby robins hopping behind one of their parents. I like this time of year. I have seen baby deer and geese (goslings) and robins... in the past week.

My memory isn't doing very well. It is odd how I forget some things and don't forget other things. I cannot make rhyme nor reason of what I remember and what I do not. I still do well remembering people. I think I am just involuntarily purging what my mind deems unworthy. Perhaps I could just add an external hard-drive to my mind. I seem to be losing things that I do not HAVE TO remember like: directions, phone numbers... because I can look them up (like an extension of The Google Effect).

I was just downtown with my sidekick of the day and, as usual, I was sporting (pun not intended though I like it) a St. Louis Cardinals' cap. I am almost always wearing something with the STL on it. As I walked-in a guy approached me and pointed at my cap and said "those guys are cheaters did you hear about that?" I said that I had and I stuck-up for my team and said they were just being smart. In case you haven't heard, supposedly, the St. Louis Cardinals hacked into the Houston Astros' computer system to check out information on player personnel and checking-out their prospects... Apparently, the FBI is investigating the hacking. It sounds like it started last season (when the Astros were still in the National League. I am curious what the penalty will be if they find something. Teams have been stealing opponents' signs since the beginning of time but this is a whole new level. I am trying to decide how I would feel if the scenario were reversed. I think I would feel the same - that baseball is war and all's fair in war. I am not sure if I am being completely honest with myself though. I wonder if anyone has or will use the headline "Cardinal Sin?"If they make the play-offs they could change the headline slightly to "Cardinals In!" Can you tell I used to write headlines and that I am a sucker for puns? I wonder what Pete Rose has to say about this? I mention Pete Rose because, as we were driving home from southern Illinois, I saw that July 9th is Pete Rose Night at Corn Crib Stadium in Normal, IL.. It is the home of the Normal CornBelters of the Frontier League.  They are playing the Schaumburg Boomers that night.  He is going to be a member of the coaching staff for one night and will wear #14. When I was a lad I loved Pete Rose. I still like Pete Rose. He played 100% all the time - I really admired that. Maybe I am discovering that I like cheaters? His cheating, however, was just breaking the rule of betting on baseball. Everything I have ever seen and heard is that he never bet against his team. But, rules are riles I suppose. Isn't there something about "all rules are made to be broken?" Anybody want to go to the game with me? It is a Thursday night and beers are cheaper on Thursdays there. We can take my car!

Is the Pete Rose or Lou Costello? 

I am really tired of hearing the word "kiddos" referring to children. I have heard it three times today from three different places. It had better stop or my temporary insanity may come in as a handy alibi.

Okay, I have to make some phone calls to get some more quotes for new tires for the Fiat. I have a couple of quotes now but they seem high. Merlin's gave me a quote for $595 and Farm & Fleet gave me a price of $608. I am going to call Illini Tire, Walmart and Lovett's Discount Tires and, based on the prices, set up an appointment. I called Illini Tire right now and they are $491 and the they can do it tomorrow morning. SOLD! The are the closest to home too.

Have a great rest of your day and your night. Maybe the NBA season will be over tonight too huh? Thanks for stopping by. I have lots more on my mind in my notebook so I will blog again tomorrow for sure. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

HOLD FAST

It has been two weeks since I have passed-out. Well, it will be two weeks tomorrow. I have had 15 seizure this week so far. I know that seems like a scary word (seizures) which is why I prefer to call them episodes or spells. What happens with my seizures is not that scary from the outside. Jill says sometimes I turn kind of gray but I am conscious and can describe what is going on. They usually start just below my sternum with tingling like my body is falling asleep. It then spreads to my outer thighs and down my legs. Then my nasal area begins to tingle followed by most of my head. My arms (bicep areas) fall asleep next. I can control the seizures somewhat with breathing and willing them to pass; it is actually just them running their courses probably but I feel like I am in control this way. I have been off of my seizure medicine since getting out of CDH last week as I am supposed to have two more EEG's but I contacted the doctor and I can take the seizure meds until a couple of days before the first test. I am fairly sure that, by not taking the meds, they will capture something with the next EEG's. Since starting to take the meds last night I have been seizure-less. Maybe it is a placebo effect but if it works I don't really care why or how.

Tomorrow a few of us are going down to see Splenda. I am very excited to be one of the "few." I think we are going to take the Fiat as it is fun to drive with the top down through the wine country. The Jeep is roomier so we have to weigh practicality against fun. I am leaning toward fun (and better fuel economy).

It is now tomorrow and we are half-way to our destination. We ended-up bringing the Jeep because, apparently, the tread on all four of the tires on the Fiat are worn pretty good. I did not want to have Merlin's replace the tires because their prices are ridiculous for that. So, in the next couple of weeks I will get over to Farm and Fleet so I don't get raped.

We are definitely in the Bible Belt here and we are only like three hours from home. On the way down we could just see the temperature rise in on the outside thermometer in the car. Maybe we are headed to the Hell part of the Bible Belt. It was in the low 70's when we left and, by the time we got here in Mattoon, in was 82. It was about 9 PM when we arrive and the temperature had risen about ten degrees. We have a couple of hours more to go this morning so it should be good and hot before we get to our final destination (that is probably just foreshadowing for my afterlife.

I got up early as I always do (I get up even earlier when I am travelling - not sure why). Europe should be a lot of fun with me getting up early every day and the time being totally out of whack from home. I should be the jet lag poster child.

I just wanted to get this blog done while Cha Cha is in the shower because I am nor kind of sure what kind of WiFi access, if any, I will have in a cabin in the MIDDLE of the foothills.

Okay, Jill is out of the shower so it is breakfast time. We will check it out here and, if that doesn't work with my WHOLE30 it may be Cracker Barrel again (we ate dinner there last night). Have a great day. Maybe I will blog later today from the hot tub in our cabin if we can use our mobile hotspots or something. Have a great day and maybe a great weekend. TTT?...MITM (out) TA!

Big Ben / Parliment

Just about two months before Cha Cha and I are off to Europe. It is the 2015 Matt Helser Farewell Tour. We received our flight information and discovered that we are going to one additional country as we are flying into Heathrow before hopping another flight to Prague. Jill is a huge fan of England so, even though we will probably not even get outside of the airport before heading to the Czech Republic, she can say she was there for a couple of hours. Maybe we will see Big Ben and Parliament from the air while coming in or going out. At the very least we will have time for a spot of tea (probably from a Starbuck's).

I am off of most of my medications. I am not overly-pleased with much of my medical care from one of the neurologists. Without going into much detail he has made claims and promises that have been false and/or just inaccurate (there is a slight difference between those to me). I did not use the word "lies" as I think that word implies intent to deceive. That may be the case in one or two of these cases but I will not be presumptuous for a change. I was supposed to have had another EEG that they would send me home with so they could monitor me outside of the hospital. Maybe this is just a sneaky house-arrest?  That, however, was scheduled for this Friday when I will be out of town on the 2015 Matt Helser Fairwell Tour; we are going to see Splenda. So, I called them to get it rescheduled (break for a mini-"episode" - Jill captured it on video per doctor's request) and now it won't be done until toward the end of the month. The reason I am off of some of the meds is because they wanted me to seize during the test and now, since the test is not until the end of the month, I wonder if I should take the meds until the test gets closer?

Yesterday I had six episodes throughout the day/night. I am keeping track of the times. The duration of these whatevers are only a few minutes on average. They generally start in my nasal area or chest and the work their way ups and down, Ironically, I just had another right now and my body feels like it has all fallen asleep. I cannot focus on anything right now.

I have to end. I am okay, I just have to rest for a bit. I am a bit disoriented which is new. I may blog again later today. TA!

Marijuana and Hooch - My Idea of Simpler Things has Changed

It looks like I live in the correct state if I lean that way

I'm starting kind of late on the blog again today. I have had a few issues having to do with that of which I will not blog. I am considering trying to get a permit for medicinal marijuana for that of what I will not blog today. I have never smoked the stuff but I always did like the smell. So, I am sure it is like food and drink, in that, if it smells good it probably tastes good. I tried cigarettes as a much younger blogger and gave them up for life after about two puffs because they taste just like they smell. I guess one of the selling points of cigarettes, as I hear it, is that you lose your sense of taste. That is good for two things I suppose: firstly, you can stand the taste of the cigarettes and secondly, you can't taste food so you are thinner. I hear tell that there are some negatives to smoking cigarettes too. Just like anything, I suppose, you just have to weigh the pros and cons and make a decision and live with the consequences. Tomorrow I may do an update of the things that have been going on with the main thing that occupies most of my time and thoughts.

I am pretty tired and it is only coming up on 14:00. When I am done writing this I may go out, shove the earbuds where they traditionally go and lie in the hammock for awhile. I have had it in the backyard for over a month and I haven't even swung or swang or swinged or swingded in it even one time this year. And I call myself the king of the swingers - The Backyard V.I.P..

We're gonna be traveling to see Splenda soon. I am very excited to see her. I am the gosh darn paterfamilias - can you guess what movie is playing on the boob tube right now? Maybe a warmer climate for a few days will do me good. It will fix my bursitis and rheumatis. I am not sure if I have either of those but I hear those are what MIDDLE-aged people are supposed to have. I have plenty of things but I don't believe I suffer from those quite yet. I will try harder.

 If you haven't seen me in awhile you can see that I have aged 

Ever since I wrote about the hammock that is all I can think about. I have been taking afternoon naps for the last three or four days because my body (or mind since everything is in our minds) gets very tired trying to do what it doesn't seem to be able to do with the ease it used to. I think and hope that is just a temporary side effect of what is going-on. Hard as I try, I keep tending to veer toward the things I have vowed  not to talk about today. My one-track mind has jumped tracks and is travelling in a different direction most of the time these days.

Am I the only one that finds nose-hair clippers or trimmers or whatever the proper name for those things aren't as efficient as they should be? I have tried a couple of different types but, when I do the follow-up inspection, there are still a few strays. I cannot believe I am using them wrong. The batteries are good and they make a really strong whizzing noisy. They seem to get most of the work done but there usually is some manual yanking that has to occur to finish the job. I think these things are a scam.

The hammock is a calling. I hope the neighbors don't hear my snoring and think a Grizzly got loose in our backyard. If they come shooting I hope they just graze my stray nose hairs. Thank you for stopping by today. I am sure I will blog again tomorrow. I hope you are having nice weather where you are; it is just about perfect here today. It won't be long that I will be complaining about the humidity. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

Be It Ever So Humble...

I have not blogged in almost a week. I hope I remember what I am doing. Everything was pretty much the same every day in the hospital other than coming home. "Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home." Can you believe that was written for an opera in 1823? I am sure the sentiment goes back to the beginning of time and will go to the end of time. There truly is no place like home.

When they sent me home from the hospital last week they wanted to wire me up so they could keep recording my brain-waves. I had to put the kibosh on that because Fabio graduated from high school and I was not going to embarrass him my looking like one of Dr. Frankenstein's projects. So, I am supposed to go back and get rewired and come back home. I told them today would be a good day but, the hospital set it up for this coming Friday. Friday Cha Cha and I are going to see Splenda so that won't work. I have found that most doctors (about 68% by my study) don't really listen nor do they really care about the patient's opinions. I realize most of them are incredibly busy (at least that is the perception). It seems to me that the nurses are the ones who are really busy. It is almost like the doctor is like a pimp and the nurses are all making him/her rich. If things get out of control he/she will pitch in but, for the most part they do the heavy lifting and make sure everybody stays in line. I now that is a gross generalization but, remember, my mind is on the fritz. I am gonna use that defense as long as I can in order to speak my... So, if I do not hear from them today. I will call and tell them that I will not be there Friday and see if we can set it up for Monday or after. That is all I am going to write about my one-track mind today.

So, now all of Cha Cha and my children are graduated out of high school. Pretty soon this house is going to be way too big (it already is in many ways). Since we live in a college town maybe we can become a bed and breakfast for people visiting their kids. I am sure there are rules against that in our subdivision so maybe we will just always have "relatives" staying over on weekends.

After the graduation we had: my parents, my brother who is here from Hawaii, Jill's brother and our sister-in-law and Jill's sister over for lunch. It was a great day. We sat out on the patio and enjoyed the nice day. My life has slowed-down to where it should be instead of always going every direction all the time. There really is something wrong with we Americans' wiring. Maybe it is taking my wiring to go wrong to get my wiring back right. They say that our bodies will tell us when we are pushing too hard. THEY know everything don't THEY? Most of the times we just ignore those messages though.

It won't be long before the NFL is back too

It is a nice time of year for sports for me. The Chicago Blackhawks are in the Stanley Cup Finals. The St. Louis Cardinals are having a great season. I don't really have a dog in the race but the NBA Championship is a lot of fun to watch. I am gonna try to get to a ballgame or two this summer. Maybe my buddy Greg and I will go see the Cubs in St. Louis (he is a Cubs' fan). The Cardinals (like almost every other sports team in the world) allow the opposing fans to show their colors. I would even be happy to go to Milwaukee and see whomever they play. I just love the smells and the sounds... at a ballgame.

I cannot believe I don't have to mow the lawn yet. It seems like every Monday has been lawn mowing day. It has probably been because most weekends it has been raining but this weekend we put it on hold for Fabio's graduation. His graduation party is at the end of the month and I hope the weather is as nice then.

I have to wrap this up; I have lots to do around the house. I have started several projects and most of them are completed but there have been necessary interruptions that have slowed things down. I should be able to finish the basement today. It has just become a dumping ground (the whole "out of sight out of mind" effect) and I have been working on it for a few weeks. I just wanted you to know that I am still alive and still intend to blog. Thanks for being patient with the patient. Thank you for stopping by today; I will always appreciate that. Have a great day. There is talk of rain later today which makes sense, of course. Maybe I will get to mow tomorrow? TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

Blog, Blog, Blog - say it three times!

Hey, I finally have WiFi so I can blog. I am using the mobile hotspot on my phone. I can use my phone and my computer but I cannot have them plugged in while I am on the bed (where I still am now) I will move to the chair later so I can stay online more today.

Last night Cha Cha and my good buddy Mike Szot stopped by to visit me. I know I am not much to look at on my best day but I give them both credit for staying so long visiting with the love-child of Beetlejuice (or Beetlegeise if your a traditionalist) and Farina.

I have not had any activity on the EEG monitor I have been hooked-up to for nearly 24-hours straight so, I am staying at least another 24-hours. The doctor says it is not unusual for nothing to show while people stay but, if there is an issue, it is very helpful to figure out what is going on if there is activity. So, I am hoping for a seizure as odd as that sounds. I have a feeling that I still have some seizure medicine in my system and, once that works itself out, there mat be more seismic activity.

I was a huge fan of Farina (he and Weezer were my favorite rascals)

When we got here yesterday they had no orders for me to have the EEG. Fortunately, they had beds available and the doctor showed-up and wrote-up the orders. It took longer than it should have to get checked-in but, at least they fixed their screw-up. I still have not heard about my sleep study so, after I get done writing this (if my phone is not dead) I may call to see if they have decided to work on that yet.

Just a bit ago my phone rang and there was an 815 number (the area code, among many place, of our town) that I did not recognize. My nurse was in here and she said "go ahead and answer it if you want." I answered and the guy said something like. "Mr. Helser do you have a few minutes talk?" I asked him if this was a sales call. He said that it was not so I said "sure." Then he said. "I am (so-and-so) an my company is currently doing inspections for hail damage on Grange Court in your town..." I interrupted and said "and this is a sales call!" He asked, "how is that a sales..." then he heard nothing. I really miss the days when I could slam the received down so they would at least hear my exclamation mark. Had I not been sitting here with nothing to do I never would have even answered that call. I respect people who can make a living with phone sales and telemarketing. I don't like what they do but I admire that they can do that and I do realize it is a some-what effective way to push your wares. I do not like liars. And, worse yet, lie about their lies. If I knew it was not a call center or something like that I would call that number back in the MIDDLE of the night tonight. Maybe I will get fired-up enough and have a seizure.

My back is starting to hurt so I am going to call the nurse and see of I can move to the chair. I need help doing things like that for a few reasons. Firstly, I have more wires/strings attached to me than all the puppets on Howdy Doody and Thunderbirds combined. I used to love Thunderbirds as a kid.

Sorry, I was unable to blog yesterday and I think I have it figured-out well enough to blog again tomorrow (maybe even again today). Whether from here or home. Thanks for all of your kind thoughts and words - I am doing fine despite being slowly transformed into a mattrionette. Have a great day. Thank you, also for stopping by. TTTT (today or tomorrow)...MITM (out) TA!