Was I Just Born a Whore? I May Know Soon!

Good morning. I have to make this a quick one (TWSS) because I have to head up to Rockford to get a copy of my birth certificate. I called them and they cannot tell me over the phone if they have it there but my dad is sure it is registered there. I was born in Heidelberg, West Germany, a country that no longer exists, but I was born on a military base so I am at least half of a United States citizen. I have always felt that I am about 1/2 West German too. You can take the Matt out of is country but you can't take the country out of Matt (I wanted to make that sound really dirty but you can do that by removing a few letters from country but then you are the one with the dirty mind and I am not).

Speaking of Dirty - I just got done editing the Dirty Laundry Podcast. I am uploading it or downloading it now, I have never really kept it straight when I download and when I upload, and it should be up by the time you are reading this blog. You can be one of the first ones to hear it you brave soul. I want to make sure it is done before I leave in case there are loading issues....I am very anal when it comes to stuff like that - AND ONLY STUFF LIKE THAT!!! It only has about five more minutes of up or down loading and then I am heading west.

last night I went to Fabio's basketball game and he played the best game I had ever seen him play. He scored 25% of his team's points and had at least five or six rebounds and assisted in several of the other points that were scored. The whole team played very well and they beat the team that beat them the day that the Fiat got plowed into.

Listen Free Right Now

I don't know if I mentioned it yesterday here but we got the Fiat back and it looks brand new again. We talk a little about something that is occurring because of the accident on the podcast but I am going to leave it at that so you are more likely to listen to the podcast if I don't mention it here. It has something to do with the whores in our society trying to profit off of other people's misfortunes.

Okay I have to begin my westward journey. Go west MIDDLE man go west! I hope to find out if I was really born soon. If not I guess I will at least to get fuel cheaper for my long journey back to the current homeland. Thanks for stopping by and sorry this was fairly uneventful today but that's what the podcast if for - eventful. Have a great day and I will blog earlier and more fascinatingly tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (way out west) TA!

Jack Black and the Drench Coat Mafia

Hit it tenaciously Roz!

Hangin' with the Blackmeister

Happy Monday....I can say that because it's like my Saturday this week. I am off today and tomorrow :) Next week I only have to work four days and then I get a three day weekend which will be your Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. I like to keep you up to speed on the Matt-to-human calendar. Sorry I didn't blog your Friday but it was a pretty hectic day. I took the test for perhaps the next progression in my most recent career path that day. I think I did really well on it but I won't know for about two weeks because they keep the testing for the position open for that long. There were a few dozen other things  did that day and it was a work day as well.

Last night for Fabio's birthday we went to Morton's The Steakhouse in Naperville. We had a great meal. I had the filet mignon, Fabio had the lobster tail, of course, and Cha Cha had the surf and turf. Fabio and I sat on opposite sides of Jack Black. Yes, THE Jack Black. What a birthday for Fabio. I would put the photo here but I am too lazy/tired to go downstairs to get my camera - probably tomorrow. We also saw our friend Stacee there. I was more excited to see her than I was to sit next to Jack Black. I wish we could have spent more time with her but she had her business to attend to and we had our but we did visit a little bit but not as much as I would have liked.

It was raining last night when we went to eat so I wore my trench coat. Somehow it came up that I was wearing a trench coat and Fabio thought that name was funny. He felt that it should be called a drench coat since it was for the rain. I thought that was pretty smart especially since I am not really sure why it's called a trench coat. I think I am going to start my own Drench Coat Mafia; if you're interested in membership please let me know.

Beyond green and beyond intelligent

Tonight Cha Cha and I will be recording the new Dirty Laundry Podcast. We have lots to talk about this week but if there's something you want us to discuss please let us know.

I heard Friday that it was "bike to work day." When I heard that on the radio it was two degrees outside and there was snow everywhere. Wouldn't it make sense to have this day scheduled in the summer months maybe? I think you would get much more participation if people didn't have to put snow tires on their bicycles in order to participate. That's just setting yourself up for failure. I am going to try to get walk barefoot to work day going for mid-February in the MIDDLEwest - we have to thin the her one way or another.

I also heard on the radio that chicken wing prices are going up. I remember that happened one other time and I think it may have been around the same time of year. Right before the Super Bowl. I hope I don't get sued for using the name Super Bowl in my blog. I assume that people aren't supposed to use this term since every time an advertiser who is trying to promote their product for use on the day of this event calls it "the big game." Super Bowl Super Bowl Super Bowl. Wouldn't you think that they would want people to mention the event? Maybe they should call it "the game which shall not be mentioned by name."

Have a great day. I am going to have to end this here because I pushed it a little too hard yesterday (TWSS) and I need to get some sack-time so our award-winning podcast can be as good as I have grown to pretend it to be. Thank you for stopping by and I will do better tomorrow allegedly. TTTT...MITM (out)

A Long Time Ago in a Blog Far Far Away...

Maybe I am a corporate shill so what?

Apparently iTunes' issues with me have been resolved and we are a couple again. Load #44 of Dirty Laundry Podcast is up. I am glad that we didn't break-up but this little misunderstanding has made me appreciate iTunes more and I realize I could not live without her/him. I will be on my best behavior for at least a week or two. If you haven't heard the show this week please listen because we just cracked the top ten in our category again and I would like to make it to number one again. Thank you for your support

I am writing today's blog on my iPod again as respect to Apple for not breaking up with me.

I heard that Kodak is having financial difficulties and Hostess may be going out of business soon. I am sure Kodak has been having problems ever since the digital camera boom has begun as their main industry seemed to have been film. When is the last time you used film for your camera? It seems like they just sat back and watched the rest of the industry pass them by. They should have been on the cutting edge of converting photos into videos or something. They need(ed) to come up with another new product that will revolutionize the photography business. It's easy to say but not always easy to do. As far as Hostess I am sure most of their business has declined because of the movement toward eating healthier and Ding Dongs and Twinkies don't really fit into the equation too much. It's like my entire junk food-eating picture-taking youth is coming crashing down around me. I suppose the next thing will be bell bottoms and leisure suits will go out of style...then what will I do? Do you think the Ding Dong snack cake came first or the slang for male genitalia Ding Dong came first (no pun intended but recognized)? I really hope that the snack cake originated first because if they called it that after the other was called that I am surprised that they lasted this long (no pun intended).hey aren't Ho Ho's Hostess too? I have heard the Ding Dong referred to as a Ho Ho sometimes too....what is it with Hostess and their foods being used as genitalia slang?

How will we know what to call our naught bits?

Yesterday I asked a trivia question about Happy Days and if I don't answer it now I will forget. I asked, "what television show did Happy Days spin off of?" I think I put it here before so most of you should have know that the answer is Love American Style! I am just testing your cognitive recall skills.

Supposedly Jennifer Aniston is pregnant. Before the rumors start floating out there, and you and I both know that they will, I have not seen Jennifer in person for at least two years. I would swear to that in court and I am prepared to do that if that is where this is headed. I had the same worries when Selma Hayek and Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham were pregnant. I do not want to relive those nightmares so I want to squash those rumors right now.

Apparently there were going to be more Star Wars films but critics so drove George Lucas crazy that he decided to stop the series rather than continue to take the ridicule. I can totally relate because I have the same problem with the podcast and this blog but I feel I owe it to you who keep reading and listening to just power through it. It's a shame because I thought the Star Wars movies were getting better and better with the advancing editing and special effects capabilities. Lucas said, "on the internet, all those same guys that are complaining I made a change are completely changing the movie, I'm saying: 'Fine. but my movie, with my name on it, that says I did it, needs to be the way I want it.'" I totally agree with Lucas and if you don't like it don't watch it. He can say that because he's now worth 250 quadrillion bazillion vanillion superstillion dollars. I, on the other hand, am barely worth a plug nickel and until I am worth 1/2,000th as much as him and have my own Dirty Laundry In The Middle Ranch I just want people to read and listen and maybe one day in a land far far away I may change my mind but until then...please continue to read and listen - ALWAYS!

Yum ... Intergalactic Snacks!

Thank you, as always, for being here today. I so much appreciate you. I guess this pretty much turned into a snack cake and celebrity blog. Tomorrow maybe I'll try to get deeper since it's Friday and all but that is not a promise though I occasionally can wax intelligence (but more on it's more wax off than wax on). TTTT...MITM (send them out with something fun and close to fitting Roz)! TA

Dress Codes & Black-Outs & Breakups. What a day!

My weekend is over and it's back to work today. I like my job so it's not that big of a deal but I would much prefer to just do podcasts and blogs all day because the dress code is much more lax. I mentioned last week that I was considering testing for the next logical step in the progression of my becoming king of the world and I have pretty much decided that I have to make the move if presented the opportunity; I don't know why "I have to" but I think I have to so I have to.

Even Vatican City has a dress code

This morning started out pretty good. Fabio got out of bed easier than usual becasue he has finals starting today and he wanted to have a good breakfast like the school suggested for finals. Then I was listening to the radio while messing around in the kitchen and there was a trivia contest on the radio and hey said the subject was television...my college major was radio/television so it sounded like it was going to be pretty much in my wheel-house. I called in and I won a new car $100,000 a box of Girl Scout Cookies; Fabio will like them though I would have preferred an all-inclusive vacation to Neptune. The question was an easy one I thought but I won nonetheless since I have a quick dialing finger. The question was: "The Jefferson's was a spin-off of what other television show?" I will give you the answer at the end of the blog so you can have a chance to check Wikipedia.

Oh wait, you cannot check Wikipedia today because they are shutting down for today to protest against anti-piracy legislation making its way through Congress. Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales Tweeted yesterday, "Student warning! Do your homework early. Wikipedia protesting bad law on Wednesday!" Google is also joining the protest by putting "black tape" over their Google logo though Google is still available. I may file a discrimination suit against Wikipedia because if I spoke Spanish, French, German or Russian I could still get Wikipedia today. I only took four years of high school German and two years in college and you expect me to be able to use that now? Maybe this is the reason the Cosmos had me take so much German. It's either that or maybe one day I will be in a German-speaking country and I can ask where the library is or tell them that the post office is closed on Sunday or that I like lemonade. I know I would not be as smart as a 5th-grader in Germany. I hope they remove Wikipedia from the search pages today so if I have to search something I don't get the Wikipedia shuffle. I didn't capitalize those last two Wikipedias and the spell-check gave me that red squiggly line and when I checked Wikipedia was in spell-check - you know you've made it when you're in spell-check!

It's not you, it's me

The Dirty Laundry Podcast is up but for some reason I cannot find the new episode/load on iTunes. It is up at the Podomatic site but maybe I have to reboot my computer. I will try that when I am done posting this blog. I hope it's just some kind of glitch and it isn't due to some rules that we have broken. I probably do push the envelope sometimes but isn't that why people do podcasts instead of radio shows? Steve Dahl in Chicago and Adam Corolla in Los Angeles, to mention a couple, have both had very successful radio shows and could again if they chose to but they have chosen the podcast medium because of the greater freedoms and flexibilities that podcasts offer both the people making the podcasts as well as the people who listen to the podcasts. I just posted it last night and we already had over 40 downloads when I checked early this morning so maybe it's up and just not here. I will reboot but people can always listen at that link. I love iTunes so I hope they are not mad at me. They were my whole life; I don't know how I would handle it if they broke up with me. Maybe we would just have to start doing the show in Spanish, French, German or Russian. Cha Cha took French and I took German and I know some Spanish and I know a lot of swear words and phrases in Greek so maybe we could do something along those lines?

Newt Gingrich will not be President. Sarah Palin is telling people in South Carolina to vote for him in the primary. Has she made a deal with him to endorse him with hopes of being his running-mate should he make the ballot? How did that work-out for John McCain? I have heard so many bad things about the Republican candidates from all of the other Republican candidates that I would be hard-pressed to vote for any of them no matter who comes out of this mess. 

Or is that Tina Fey?

Okay I had better get on gettin'-on. Thank you for stopping by and hopefully you'll be able to, or already have been able to, download Load #44 of Dirty Laundry Podcast and I am going to reboot the computer right after I publish and promote today's blog. I hope you have a great day and if you're in the MIDDLEwest try to stay indoors today if you can because baby, it's cold outside. TTTT...MITM - oh yeah - The Jefferson's was a spin-off of All In The Family. Here's a tougher one that I have found very few people know - what show is Happy Days spun-off of? (TA!

Mattlantis - The Lost Blog!

Since President Obama is there I guess it's still open!

I love when I walk in here to do the blog and I have no idea what I am going to blog about. And then I begin my ending a sentence in a preposition. I usually take notes throughout the day prior and turn those into blog gold much like the way our bodies turn waste that it can break-down into liquid into gold. So today's blog is going to be liquid gold I can just feel it coming. I had better hurry and get it flowing before there is too much pressure on my creative bladder.

I was at the post office (USPS) Saturday morning and I have to say that if our local post office is any indication of how most of the post offices in the country are run I am not surprised that the USPS is having financial problems and fearing going out of business. I, like almost everyone in the world, have had many customer service and retail jobs through high school, college, as second jobs and just after college when we're trying to land that first "real job." Some people work retail jobs all of their lives. The people at our post office must have stepped right into the USPS job right outta the womb because they do not have any sense of urgency in getting the people in and out they are just slow and emotionless and not very helpful. It's like the Hall of Presidents from Disneyland when I was a kid is the new employment agency for the USPS. The only one with any emotion was the lady who appeared to be in charge Saturday who was running around yelling at all the patrons acting like she was in charge of the investigation of a train crash. Does the Hall of Presidents still exist? If those animatronic presidents are still looking for work I think I know where I get get them jobs.

Cha Cha and I recorded the Dirty Laundry Podcast last night and I will edit it and get it up for your pure joy and elation later today. That will give you time to get caught up on past loads if you are behind - not like it's a running series that you cannot start with any load (episode).


The Golden Globes were on Sunday and I didn't see them because I was working and I haven't really heard much about them but this is probably where I would talk about them so I decided to talk about not talking about them. I did see some clips of Ricky Gervais as host. I was excited that given his cutting-edge hosting last year that they decided to let him host again this year. From what I saw, and remember I didn't see the show but just a few clips, it appeared to me that they let him be the host with the understanding that he wouldn't be quite as funny (meaning not lampooning the celebrities as much) as last year. I think it's great when people can laugh at themselves and it was apparent last year that most of the celebs have just as shallow egos as we have always thought. All they do for a living is play pretend and we adore them and they are paid millions of dollars for us to watch. It's kind of ridiculous if you think about it. We all play pretend every day in our lives; I do it five days a week writing a blog and once a week on the podcast and it helps me escape for a bit and hopefully brings a few minutes of joy to a very intellectually superior group of a few people - YOU. That's all they do too. They are no better than you or I (well, you at least) and we take crap from people every day so why can't they take crap from Ricky Gervais on our behalves once a year? Imagine what I'd have to say if I had seen the show.

This morning as Fabio was getting ready to leave for school there was news coverage of the cruise ship that capsized in Italy. I am not sure if capsized is the proper term but it tipped over in the ocean. It wouldn't be worth even mentioning it here other than Fabio is going on a cruise with a friend and his family over Spring Break to the U.S. and French Virgin Islands. I didn't have time to talk to him about it this morning but I will make sure I do that tonight when he gets home from school to see what he is thinking. I don't think it will be that big a deal to him since he heard that one of their stops is going to be Atlantis and he has wanted to go there since he has been one. I don't think I will talk to him about the real (or is it?) Atlantis and how it is thought to be at the bottom of the sea somewhere.

I think I am going to go back to bed for a little while before I start with the podcast editing. I don't have to work today which is nice considering I am exhausted. I hope you have a great day and remember it's Tuesday already. I'll let you know when the Laundry is ready. Thank you for making time for me today - you are the reason that I do this. I seriously don't think I would do it if you weren't here and I do enjoy doing it; you're kinda like my shrink and maybe I help you a little too.  TTTT...MITM (out to slumberland hopefully). TA!

MITM Blog History is Made Once Again

I am having an affair with my iPod (only emotionally)

In honor of Martin Luther King's birthday I am writing my first blog via my iPod. So I guess as far as the blog goes I am free at last blogging on the go. Forgive me if there are more typos and misspellings than usual but these keys are about 1/6th the size of my finger tips. With my preemptive excuses out of the way on with the blog.

I have just began playing Words With Friends. I have heard people talking about it for quite some time and now decided to drink the Kool-Aid and boy is it delicious. I am already playing seven games with all friends. In case you are not familiar it's pretty much Scrabble but I am sure there are copyright issues with calling it that. There is a way to play with random strangers which I suppose is redundant in a way but if you play with strangers is is still Words With Friends? I would say that it's Words With Imaginary Friends. I am "agitator13" if you want to play...you've read my blog so you already know you'll beat me!

Fabio is off of school for MLK's birthday but he has a school basketball game. I wonder if they'd have a basketball game on Lincoln's birthday?

The Green Bay Packers have been eliminated from the NFL season much to the delight, I am sure, of my good buddy Brian Didier. If you listened to the Dirty Laundry Podcast recorded on Christmas (Load #31 I think) with Brian as Cha Cha for a Day you know what I am referring to - listening has its advantages. Anyway, I am kinda disappointed even though I am not a Packers' fan. I learned to like them because I had Aaron Rodgers and Jermichael Finley on my fantasy football all team. They are fun to watch but a lot of their players were very cocky during their games yesterday whenever they made big plays and I don't care for that much so I am happy their cocky green cheeseheads lost. Blue cheese I like - green cheese not so much!

Even though I wrote the blog up to this point on Roz II (my iPod) when I opened it here to add photos it was a lot shorter than it looked on my little bitty iPod so now I have to write a lot more because it's so short - I have never had to say that before.

Actually I wrote it on the iPod to save time because we have Fabio's game to go to and Cha Cha and I still have to record the podcast today so I guess I have to go get showered so we can go and get something to eat before the other festivities begin. I have to try to sleep in there somewhere but I guess I will screw-up my cycle and just do it tonight so I can feel like a real boy since I am off today. It is Monday even though it seems like a weekend so it is a regular Monday-sized blog I suppose. Have a great MLK Day. Enjoy your day and thank you for tying your horse up to my bloggin' post for a might. TTTT (I'll let you know when the podcast is ready - probably tomorrow)...MITM (out like a sprout with gout on his trout route)

Holy Triskaidekaphilia!!!!!!

It's one of my most favorite days of the year - Friday the Thirteenth. I am not sure if I will like this one, the one with all of the snow, or the one in April better but I am a big fan of Friday the Thirteenths. Some people dislike Friday the Thirteenth and I am not really sure why. Why would you hate a Friday just because it is the 13th day of the month? Aren't Fridays the most beloved of all of the days? I have always been a triskaidekaphiliac so I really don't get it - I was usually number 13 on most of the baseball teams I played on just because of this. Next year is the 13th year since Y2K - the previous end of the world. Next month is a leap year and we have two Friday the Thirteenths this year just before the 13th month of the new millennium - I am starting to see what the Mayans were talking about. Is it a coincidence that the last day they "predicted" we'd be alive is December 21st - - - A FRIDAY??????

I have been at my new job for about three months and I am already looking at the next logical step at the job. I have to decide what I want to do but I am leaning toward taking the next step though if I don't take it now it will be available to me again later. I have always felt it best to move forward when given the opportunity and I am fairly sure this time will be the same. I have to weigh the pros and the cons and make a decision soon.

I don't know why, and I know this is random, but for some reason I think Charlie Brown needs a resurgence / revitalization. How about a full-length Charlie Brown movie in theaters? Maybe with real people playing the kids and an animated Snoopy and Woodstock? Not a crappy cheesy one like they tried to do with The Little Rascals though. From my blog to Spielberg's ears.

I heard a Dunkin' Donuts commercial last night. Donuts are delicious and so are doughnuts but they certainly aren't the healthiest of foods. The commercial talked about a new product that they have whereby they wrap a piece of sausage inside a doughnut or a pancake or something. Doughnuts aren't unhealthy enough so let's turn them into edible sausage pinatas. I swear that a health care provider or a funeral home chain must own controlling shares of Dunkin' Donuts.

Clogged arteries are very economical!

Oh crap, a black cat just crossed my path with a mirror on its back. I took the mirror off of the cat and dropped it and it smashed into a thousand pieces all over the sidewalk crack I was standing on. Then I stood up and hit my head on the ladder I was stooping under. What a day!

I have run out of steam it seems so I am gonna call it a morning and go get some shut-eye. Have a great day and if you get a chance and haven't listened yet please head on over to Dirty Laundry Podcast so we can get our numbers up on this Friday the 13th! It's only two more days until start a new load. Thank you for stopping in and I will blog again Monday latest but you never know what a snowy weekend might bring. TTTT...MITM (out to the land of nod before out to the land of shoveling snow)