Hugs and Rainbows (probably false blogsvertising)

One of my better qualities!

I have never been much of a Springsteen fan, I know I am in the minority and don't ask me why because I don't know, but this seems like a good theme song for today... cue the music -

It’s Friday. I am in a bad mood today and it isn’t even my time of the month yet. Is your couch available for the next ten minutes or so? Maybe it’s the pain in my head (jaw, head...) which is better than voices I guess. It’s probably just a MATTer of time. I don’t know what’s wrong. Maybe I have Sugar Momma withdrawal. I just talked to her and she is at the Dallas airport. Her flight gets here at 7:00PM rather than 9:00PM which is nice though the traffic probably would have been better at 9:00PM. I delivered Splenda to Arlington Heights for her trip to Devil’s Head. I am glad it was this time of year because I dropped her off about three blocks north of Arlington International Racetrack. If the horses had been running I probably would have killed the time waiting for Sugar Momma at the track which rarely ends good.

I don’t think sleep is the issue today because I slept pretty well last night. Going on two hours of sleep the previous night probably helped. I worked out in the afternoon with only the two hours under my belt. I also used some of the tips I received from my friend Stacee as well as I got in touch with my old friend Ben that I hadn’t talked to in awhile. You remember him - Ben A. Dryl. Maybe I am entering my blue period or my black period of blogging. I know there is some kind of period to blame for my rotten disposition. So if you ask am I on it I can say yes but I just am not sure which one I am on. In the nearly 1/10th of a decade that I have been writing this blog I have learned one thing about myself to be true....I am one moody mo fo.

One of Hemmingway's favorite waterin' holes

Weren't a lot of the great writers throughout history moody and/or psychotic? Maybe this is my mind and body's way of telling me that I am ready to get those novels written. Maybe I should find an island and sit in a little shanty on the ocean and stay drunk for a month and just write; it looks like such a romantic thing to do in the movies. A lot of great writers were big drinkers too right? I am not that huge of a drinker and when I do get drunk I am a happy lovable drunk. Most of my book ideas are not happy subjects either. I should stay focused on my Mr. Hyde side and start writing. But if I drink I will start writing about hugs and rainbows; there's the title for my happy book - Hugs and Rainbows.  For some reason I just feel like a loser today. Hey, whatever happened to that comic strip The Born Loser?

Speaking of hugs I am pretty sure I am a good hugger but I think I am a lousy kisser. Any moron can hug. Bears can hug. Babies hug. Wrestlers hug. So, of course, I can hug. Maybe I should just go get drunk and be in a better mood and go hug everybody I see. The Matt In The Middle 2011 Hug-a-thon. Why isn’t there any hug-a-thons? Who holds the Guinness Book of World Records for hugs? I may have stumbled across my calling. I guess it's not much of a calling if I don't even know who the current record-holder is.

I got the new Victoria Secrets catalog in the mail today. How in the heck did I get on their mailing list? I’m not complaining - just wondering. Someone must know that I like to keep up with the current fashions; this one appears to be the swimsuit/beach edition. Courtney Cox's hair was way too short in that video. (that's what we in the blogging business call a "call back")

Now I go to publish this and there’s something wrong with our router or the connection or something (The Born Loser). I started writing it about 1:45PM and who knows if I will get it up today (TWSS). I've seen that stupid Verizon or Frontier Communications truck up and down the road outside of our subdivision for about two weeks...grrrrrrr.  I hope you had/are having a nice Friday. I will try to blog tomorrow between basketball games and such. I have to believe Harper College has Wifi huh? TTT next time...MITM (crabbed-out).

Open Wide!!!!

cue today's music

Which of these is Area 19?

Last night I went to sleep around 11:00 PM and have been up since 1:00 AM. For the past several months I have had pain near tooth #19 in my mouth (where else?). You know I brush my teeth while I am showering as well as a couple of other times a day and I floss. I do a pretty good job; especially on these cold days when the water in the shower is warm. Even so, it was my hope that I had a cavity in which I now call my Area #19. Look mom. no cavities. DRAT and DOUBLE DRAT - no cavities! So I received a referral for a Endodontist. Now I guess they will find jaw cancer or that I need a root canal or something fun to blog about. The mild discomfort has steadily grown in my tooth, jaw, behind my left ear and caused me headaches most of the time. I am not making light of jaw cancer...but if I have something bad like that I want to prepare myself with the best medicine and I will make the best of it come what may. I will also whine like a baby, of course. I am also thinking that this may have something to do with me having poor sleeping habits. Figuring this sleep thing out is like pulling teeth for bloggin' out loud. MADYM just looked up Endodontics for me and they mainly do root canals. I have always wanted to visit Panama. Well....Sugar Momma is out of town you know...I need someone and you already know MADYM so the blog will continue to have the same cast of characters. What's a blogger to do? Isn't the Maid of Honor's job kind of like a Vice Wife anyway? That was my understanding.

MIDDLE MATT Limo service - now with Ferrari's

Does anyone have timeshare in the Palatine/Arlington Heights area? I am planning several trips to this region of the MIDDLE very soon and I may be interested in swapping for time in Exciting, Exotic Dekalb. Tomorrow I take Splenda to Arlington Heights for a carpool-meet so she can go snowboarding at Devil's Head at about 11:00 AM then I come home. Then Sugar Momma flies back into O'Hare and MIDDLE MATT LIMO SERVICE is on the road again at probably 9:00 PM or so and then back west. Then we have to be at Harper College in Palatine at 10:00 AM for an 11:00 game for a 46-team basketball tournament and then back west. Then Sunday we go back to Harper College and Splenda will return sometime Sunday probably after we have passed Arlington Heights and are back in or near Dekalb. Then I will turn around and go pick her up. Maybe I should just let her take one of the cars but I have concerns there. I know I keep blogging about this but it is mainly so I don't forget anything. I may actually get a hotel in that area Saturday night because a hotel would be cheaper than the fuel and much more convenient. Also, they will have HMO (I mean HBO) and a pool. Can you say...CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST?

Thanks but no thanks. I love my peeps too much!

The blog must be getting more popular because I got contacted by a company called Blogsvertise that wants me to use them for my blogs. It's a company that gives bloggers websites and products to promote and they pay them for mentioning their products, sites.... You know I mention products and services and things all the time but I do not get paid by anyone to blog or mention products... I mention things I like and dislike and tell you about them. Blogsvertise has you write a blog about their wares dejour and then you submit the blog to them for approval prior to posting it and then when they censor it or do whatever they do to it. Then they let you post it and you get paid in a Paypal account. Just know this...I AIN'T NO SELL-OUT. I don't have anything against sell-outs, actually, but it's not the way I roll; at least not right now. Maybe I should agree to try it and totally bash their products and see if they approve the blogs...nah! Maybe I am giving them a bad-rap, I don't know. It just doesn't sound like it's for us though does it? This is Pirate Blog baby!!!!

Thanks for stopping by, as always. I would be lost without you. Have a nice ThirstDay. I will try not to run through my itinerary again tomorrow with you as I think I have it down by now. TTTT...MITM (put the Limo in the coconut and tell me I AM OUT)!

I Would Gladly Pay You Twosday for a Sawbuck Today!

I have a different definition of the word "free"

cue the music
Have you seen the commercials for the new two dollar bills? They are honoring the National Parks which I think is awesome but the commercial I am talking about is selling two of the new uncirculated two dollar bills for $10. I have never been very strong at math but that doesn't seem like a very good deal to me. I give you $10 and you will give me back $4? On top of that there is shipping and handling. I know I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer but even I know what snake oil looks like. Speaking of that...would you like to buy some snake oil? I would gladly pay TWOsday for a sawbuck today.

Sugar Momma will be back in a couple of days. Does anyone know how to get panda fur out of corduroy?

I have kind of always been a fan of The Onion in print. If you are not familiar, it's the fake news stories and such that poke fun of the news and all of us. For you MIDDLERS it's like a rip-off of the old show we used to watch when HBO (not HMO like I have heard several beyond-MIDDLERS call it) was young called Not Necessarily The News. Getting back to The Onion - there are two new shows beginning very soon The Onion Network (news) on IFC and Onion Sportsdome (sports) on Comedy Central. I think a little is going to go a long way with these shows and they will grow tiresome very quickly. I am basing this on seeing nothing of these shows, however. Just my usual media prognostication.

Think outside the box! (patent/copyright/trademark)

Last night was Fabio's school basketball banquet. It was nice. He's at the age where he still loves to get trophies and all of the accolades...wait a minute, he's a male - he will never outgrow that now that I blog of it. We dudes are so shallow and easily amused. Anyway, he received the award, and a trophy, for most steals and assists for the season. I guess that's what you want from a Point Guard - someone who assists and gets the ball back. The banquet was kind of a potluck type deal where everybody brings a dish to pass. I have come to the realization over the past couple of years that people at potlucks don't appreciate culinary genius. The last couple of years I had noticed people bringing pizzas and stuff that they just picked up on the way so I thought to myself "self, maybe we should go that route." I didn't want to do pizza because that is so 2010 so Fabio suggested Taco Bell. We stopped and got 24 tacos - 12 hard and 12 soft (TWSS) instead. When we got there there were 25 pizzas. No exaggeration. Our tacos were gone almost immediately and by the end of the night there were about seven whole pizzas left. Live and learn people...think outside of the box (what a great anti-pizza slogan I just invented there by accident). Now tonight is the second travel basketball practice and their first tournament is Saturday and Sunday. I also work another basketball game tonight. When did my life become all about basketball?

I'd Buy That For A Dollar!

Splenda and I are going over to visit with my parents today. My grandma was a bit of an artist and my mom has a drawing that my grandma did while she was in junior high school that she wants Splenda to see. I guess it's because Splenda is a graphic design major and she showed my parents some of her sketches at Christmas time - the fuse was lit. They are also going to give Splenda my grandma's old easel that she did her paintings on. It should be nice. That's my two dollars worth for today. So, that being blogged...I am off like a prom dress to get ready to head East. Have a great Hump Day and thanks for stopping by again. I always enjoy blogging with you. TTTT...MITM (let me know about that panda fur thing will ya?)

Free Cake with Today's Blog (zero fat/zero calories)

Free Cake (<----- click there) Zero calories. Zero Fat. LIMITED TIME OFFER! Tell your friends

I just went and made the car payment then went to the grocery store and then went to the post office and now I am looking for other stall-tactics to avoid working-out so I thought I would blog. I am going to blog today anyway and doing it now accomplishes so many things. It delays the inevitable work-out and it gives people who read the blog at their works the chance to stall their unavoidable tasks and gives you more chances and time to read the blog.

Maybe Netflix will save the USPS

You know I like Netflix but I am finding that a lot of the movies that we want to watch are not on the "instant view" option. We do pay the extra dollar a month to get the discs sent to us one at a time but I like watching the movies now. We are an impulse society and I am the king of impulse. I don't know if I am correct or if it is news if I am correct but I like starting rumors so here is what I think about Netflix. I think Netflix is owned by, or partially owned by, the United States Postal System (USPS). I dropped The Joneses disc off at the USPS today and I will get an email sometime today that states "The Joneses have been received" (which sounds funny with this film title) and then later today I will receive another email stating that (whatever our next film on our want list is) will ship January 4th and will arrive January 5th. The self-addressed return envelopes we receive with our movies to mail them back have different return addresses each month for different Chicago-area locations and I think the USPS stocks the movies in various branches and depending on which film you "order" it is processed at the USPS office that houses that film in their library and mails it to you. If my theory is true I think it's a great idea that the dying USPS came up with to continue to stay in business. There was talk that the economy was going to hurt them even more with the decreased amount of credit card offers being mailed out and this is another way for them to stay chugging along. Netflix is a publicly traded company(NFLX) but I have convinced myself that the USPS is involved. Kahoots I say...KAHOOTS (kahoots is a great word). Did I convince you too? Where have you gone Mulder and Scully? (Mulder was in The Joneses - see how it all comes back to Netflix?) I should probably review The Joneses at MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEWS. I am just a shill for The Man I guess. I'm a shill of my former self.

Wow, that was a long paragraph (TWSS) and now I am getting closer to the inevitable working-out. When I stopped at the store I noticed that almost all of the "healthy" food choices and low-cal items were picked over. Shouldn't we who have bought these products get seniority and first crack at these items over the people who made a resolution to eat better this year? I will still want these items in March and August when these people are back to their usual items. Even Vita Coco was picked over. Oh wait a minute....did you see the light bulb going off in my goofy brain? It's not the resolutions...it's my blog. Sure it's coincidental that it's starting with the new year but my blog is slowly becoming a national sensation. Thank you for telling your friends about the blog so we can one day take like a Blog-members only vacation to Key West or someplace. If we do it this year I can get another of my resolutions out of the way (visit an ocean again in 2011).  

I have to end this and finish putting the groceries away and organizing the closet and curing the common cold. Right after I do all of that I will work-out today and get ready for another busy night and Wednesday isn't any better - cripes! Enjoy your cold Tuesday unless you're reading this in a warmer part of the World and then keep that to yourself or invite us all over for the MITM 2011 GET-AWAY ADVENTURE!!! Shut up already. The voices in my blog are arguing amongst themselves. TTTT...MITM (off his nut). We miss you Sugar Momma.

sorry about the free cake tease but you still need to concentrate on those resolutions for a couple more weeks anyway

"Temporary" Blog Tax Considered

"I am here Whoopi"

Everybody is back to work and the youngsters are back in school and the World is right again. Sugar Momma is probably in or near Dallas by now; I dropped her at the airport in plenty of time for her flight. Just got a text - "I am here whoopie." Maybe that text was meant for Whoopi Goldberg, I thought I had better write this blog now so I can get a shower before work soon enough for my Blog Van Winkle hair and beard to have time to dry.

After I had been home for awhile from the airport this morning Sugar Momma texted me from the plane  "and we're off." Not thirty seconds after I received that text the power in the entire house went out. I immediately called Com-Ed and reported the outage as it is winter and things get cold in a hurry. I had a hard time getting a cell signal and feared that the Mayan calendar may have been off by one year and everything was falling apart. Did the Mayans take leap years into account? A few of my neighbors called me and asked if we were without power as it appeared the entire neighborhood was. The power came back on and after about ten minutes went out again for about another half hour. Why do I always rack my brain to think if I forgot to pay a bill when stuff like that happens? I always pay the bills and I do it on line so I know it isn't "lost in the mail" but I always want to think everything is because of something I did or didn't do. Okay Sugar Momma message received...I will be good while you're gone. "And we're off" didn't mean what I originally thought it meant - that you control all things - even the power from hundreds of miles away. It should have said "and YOU'RE off." Her far-reaching powers never cease to amaze me.

Ditka for Governor...at least he's honest!

While we were driving to the airport they were talking on the radio about the 5% "temporary" tax increase they are trying to put through in Illinois. Who are they trying to fool? Will that be like the TEMPORARY tollway system that keeps expanding every year?  The tollways were suppose to pay for the road construction. The lottery was suppose to go toward edjamaction...where we are behind the rest of the World. And now, with the educations you have given us with the lottery money we are still supposed to be stupid enough to believe that when you put through this TEMPORARY" tax increase it will actually be a temporary increase? It will probably be a temporary increase because the permanent increase after this one will replace the temporary one.

Over the holiday I watched several older movies that everybody has probably seen but me. I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's and Requiem of a Heavyweight (Mickey Rooney double-feature) and I also watched Hoop Dreams. I liked all of them. I thought that I swelled to about 52% estrogen with Breakfast at Tiffany's but it went back down to 47% when I watched Requiem and Hoop Dreams. I have a friend who played basketball at Marshall High School in Chicago (one of the major schools in Hoop Dreams) and I Facebooked her about it telling her that I thought of her. I will probably see her tonight when I pick up Fabio from basketball practice and I will ask her if she was there when they were filming that movie; she is younger than I am and I am guessing it was about her time. I may have an original piece/interview for MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEWS in the making?

Time to go...blog too long and shower is calling. A night of basketball for me. I am working a college game and then picking up Fabio at his first travel basketball practice of the year at 10:00PM. His first tournament is in Palatine Saturday and Sunday so I hope they learn a lot tonight and Wednesday. Blog you tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (around the rim and just a bit off target - TWSS).

Less Than 10,000,000 Served

Lucky for me I worked out today

Tomorrow is the first busy day in our MIDDLE household of 2011. School starts again for Fabio and then he starts travel basketball practice at 8:30PM. Splenda has to work...she still has about two weeks before she has to go back to school; she is beginning her training as a cashier for her part-time job so be patient if you get in her aisle tomorrow. Then she is going to take Fabio to basketball practice. I have to make a 6:00 AM O'Hare Airport run and then have to work a basketball game and then be to Fab's practice before 10:00 PM. Sugar Momma is flying to Dallas for work for a week after being delivered to the airport by MIDDLE-MAN Limo Service. If you need a ride to the airport be here by 6:00 AM. You can park your car in our garage while you're away. Just have your return information ready so I know when to pick you up at the airport. 2011 is coming in like a wildebeest.

Half-time of the Bears - Packers game has just ended so I will leave you now and finish this in a bit. Bears-Packers is like The MIDDLEwest Bowl. Packers and Bears are both in the play-offs.

Did you see that new thing Blogger added as a blog add-on over there ----> on the top? It actually shows how many people have visited my blog since I started it. My goal is to pass up McDonald's number served though that may take a few years. I need to get national recognition so that my dream can become a reality. What can I do to gain national recognition that will not wind me up in jail or divorce court...well, out of jail at least?

Independent Film channel

One of my favorite television networks has been IFC (Independent Film Channel) for quite some time. They show a lot of independent films, as you would imagine based on their name, and quite a few independent television shows like Monty Python, Kids In The Hall... I think they should change the name to MITMC (Matt In The Middle Channel). They are starting to show several of my favorite television shows of the past ten years or so. They are starting to show Mr. Show (mentioned in a previous blog when I was watching the dvd while working out and my buddy Greg and I discussed how we went to college with Bob Odenkirk). They are also showing The Larry Sanders Show and the Ben Stiller Show which I also mentioned watching while working out. Hey, Bob Odenkirk had something to do with all of those shows. Maybe it should be the Odenkirk Network instead. Then I could call it the One Degree of MITM Network. If you have this station you need to give these three shows chances if you are not familiar with them... even if you are familiar actually. Watching these shows off and on over the weekend has given me an idea for a show that I will never pursue because it's too awesome and then I would be a bigshot and not have enough time to blog. But that may be my national notoriety move?

How do I get over 10,000 visits here the way these blogs get longer and longer and longer? I need to streamline this puppy so we can ready 10,000,000 served by 2012. I'm blogging out and will do you again tomorrow (TWSS)...TTTT

Happy 2011 - The Resolutions Edition

cue the music It's almost 13 hours into 2011. Where has the year gone?

Fabio, Sunshine, Heidi the reindeer and Me (not in the MIDDLE)

Fabio and I went to Brookfield Zoo for Zoo Year's Eve with Fab's friend Sunshine. Sugar Momma wasn't feeling well (post-op recovery pain) and Splenda is too cool for us now so it was just we men. I got off work a little after 4 and we were at the zoo by 5:30. It was a lot of fun; I think the fact that it was 55 degrees had a big part of it being fun. The entire zoo was pretty much open and we went to all of the major exhibits or attractions or whatever they are called at the zoo. The guys even talked to a 25' talking Christmas tree; actually we did that a couple of times so I think they really liked the tree. Incidentally, the tree is "not a psychic" because he did not know Sunshine's birth date. We went to see The Disney Prize Patrol but it was a bunch of screaming 5-year-old girls who would freak out every time the Disney people would mention or play the music of The Jonah's Brothers or Justin Bieber. We didn't stay there too long. We watched an ice sculpturer who had to try to carve blocks of ice in 55 degree temperatures. We saw a magician. One of the only complaints that I have about the zoo experience is that it was way too dark. The fountain there was surrounded by Christmas Trees decorated by various families and organizations. Though they were trimmed with lights and ornaments the lights were not illuminated like in year's past. I, as I always do, found this comical as the whole Festival of Lights is sponsored by Commonwealth Edison. The Christmas magic would have been much more magical if the scrooges at Com-Ed would not have had a power surge. I know this is the case because I overheard some of the zoo people discussing the power surge (I am nosy for you). There were a lot of lights that were working well and great but the ones in the center of the zoo, one of the main lighting attractions, were not lit. So we did not have the Zoo Year Roast Beast! We did, however, stop and Cheeseburger In Paradise on the way home for our final meal of 2010...good times, good times!

Not Powered By

I am starting the new year off with blogging at the mouth again. Why should this year be any different than the last? Com-Ed may have power surges but apparently this blog does not.

The few of you that are lucid enough to be able to read this may be here because I promised my 2011 resolutions. I have only been able to come up with a couple but, as always happens, when I start playing with it here in the blog I am sure the list will get longer (TWSS). So here is my list of 20 10 9 8 New Year's Resolutions:

1. I will lose 25 more pounds in 2011 (that's only 2 and 1/12th pounds a month)
2. I will work-out at least 150 times in 2011 (will help #1)
3. I will be more charitable this year 
4. I will visit an ocean again this year (nothing planned yet though)
5. I will get a proto-type of my invention produced and get the invention patented
6. I will see at least three concerts that I am not working (hopefully Mishka and Xavier Rudd)
7. I will get at least one of my five screenplays/books completed (or very close)
8. I will not be as selfish as in 2010 (not referencing anything in particular - just overall)

See, once I started writing the list they just appeared. I know there is a lot more that I want to do and change about myself and my life but I don't need to list them all to make them happen right? Some are just things that are buried a little deeper and maybe they will rise up to make the list for 2010 and some just pop up based on changing circumstances. My last 11 year's of lists has consisted of: "I resolve to make no resolutions this year" so I am making progress. The last 11 years' resolutions were easy to achieve though.
 
I have a lot more to blog but those resolutions took up a lot of space and you're probably sleepy ... darned irresolute resolutions. Tomorrow I think I am supposed to go to some bar in Sandwich called Mongo's (owned by former Chicago Bear Steve McMichael) for our end of the year fantasy football meeting/thingy. I am not sure but I had better check. I will blog early tomorrow just in case and if you want to go with me or meet me there let me know. I know a lot of you MIDDLES probably included "spend more time with Matt In The Middle" in your list of 2011 resolutions so here is your chance to start. TTTT...MITM (out for the first time in 2011).